lily hydrangea's anonymous blog

my first toonlet!

2010-03-08T02:53:00.001-05:00

52 years and counting...

2010-01-18T17:20:00.006-05:00

Here my parents sit next to each other while they watch their grandson play his violin at one of his Christmas concerts this last December. I first took this photo because I couldn't get over my Dad's work gloves and felt a sudden need to document them. When I looked at the photo later on that evening, I realized it told a much greater story - 52 years worth to be exact!
Happy anniversary Mom & Dad and may you celebrate many more to come!

sorry for the delay!

2010-01-04T11:51:00.019-05:00

c r e a t i v e

or... p r o d u c t i v e

I was torn between two words! I thought for sure I had made up my mind (creative) and then another popped into my head that seemed so right and so perfect for how I felt. the only problem is, it (productive) doesn't sound like the type of word you could do a twenty minute meditation on. & I am always happiest when I am doing something that makes me feel like I am a productive member of society. What was I to do? So then I thought, if my new word is to be my mantra for the year then I better pick a word I at least like the sound of and that is when I thought of the third word which really is a combination between the two. If I focus on the word "create", then it is most likely I will not only be productive, I will also be "creative" in my productivity. So without further ado my new word for 2010 is definitely...

~ C R E A T E ~

out with the old in with the new...

2009-12-31T00:10:00.004-05:00

and I don't mean I am getting rid of this lovely painting created by my lovely sister-in-law. This will hang where I can see it always. Hopefully one day it will sink in. Though this word did help me last year, I did not focus on it the way I did with words I picked for years passed. I'm thinking of the word for the year 2010 and I'm pretty sure I've got. I'll let you know for sure on the first of our new year!
Happy New Year everyone! Stay safe.

I miss my blog!

2009-12-23T00:04:00.011-05:00

Is anyone out there? It's me Lily & I'm still here. I've been a little side tracked these last couple of months but I am not gaining weight, I actually lost 1.4 pounds! So I'm happy about that, especially this time of year. It really is a small miracle for me which I am very grateful for. I have more to say about that later.
I just wanted to check in and say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! and share this photo of Miss Priscilla as well. We had a blizzard last Saturday and she can not resist playing in the snow. The only problem is, she gets filled with snow-like dreadlocks and I have to use the blow dryer to get them off while she busies herself trying to lick them off at the same time! This is a dog who refuses to drink the water out of her dish, but should she find some elsewhere, suddenly it's the most delicious water she has ever tasted where she can't even force herself to stop drinking it, even if she tried.

here she is looking really cute

& here she is looking cuter.

poll results

2009-11-13T12:44:00.008-05:00

Thank you everyone who participated in my poll ! I consider myself lucky you all did since I have been so lax about blogging. let me just say I have a lot of catching up to do-- around here that is, in my little blogging world.
First I want to say I found both the poll results and the readers comments very interesting.
I wish I had the willpower to eat just fruits and veggies and protein but the sad truth is I think I would have to be checked into a mental hospital if I didn't get my almost daily dose of potatoes, be they boiled, fried, whipped or baked. There is something about them, any kind will do, Russet, Yukon, red, blue, ordinary (though I have to admit I'm not crazy about the fingerlings, something about them looking too much like fingers I guess, even their name kind of grosses me out) I'm just not sure I could live without my beloved potato past one week. I always had the feeling they were good for me and I always seem to feel so good after eating one. Besides, regardless of the bad rap they get they really are good for you. Check out the facts here.
With 7 grams of fiber and 7 grams of protein a potato even has iron (which I desperately need) and vitamin C in it, the perfect combination for optimal iron absorption!
Thanks to your comments, I did start to stash some almonds in my purse in the event of a hunger attack. I even started weight lifting and I am also eating much less wheat, so it was very good of you to make these suggestions, thank you again! I've always felt small positive changes in habits add up to something bigger and these seem to be sticking.

So based on reading your comments and pondering & looking at this poll, I decided I will stay on Weight Watchers at least until the New Year. Part of my reason is I know who the two people are that voted yes, that I should definitely stay with WW, & I got to talk to them about it & they both said the same thing, stay with WW for the support. That made sense to me.
No more going in on Saturdays just to get weighed, I'm staying for the meetings, sharing my experience & start again, to listen to others. It is easier (& more fun) to accomplish things with help from other people, something I all too often forget.
Besides, is there any other diet where you can eat sugar and still lose weight?

Two weeks ago I lost 2 pounds at my WW meeting, but last week I didn't go so I am a little nervous about tomorrow. That in itself tells me I need to report to someone on a regular basis. If nothing else, I just don't want to gain anymore weight!
Thanks for listening, I'll keep you "posted"!

Please watch this! it only takes a minute...

2009-10-21T01:29:00.002-04:00

I've sunk to a new low...

2009-10-17T13:00:00.008-04:00

I've gained four pounds in the last two weeks, not exactly the low I was hoping for. The really rotten thing about this is the fact that as of today I have officially gained back all of the weight I have lost since I have started this second stint at WW not quite two years ago. All FOURTEEN pounds of it, how sad is that? That is more than my dog Priscilla weighs. & she gets awfully heavy if you carry her around for more than five minutes.
miss Priscilla, please click on photo to see her cuteness up close

The other twelve I have managed to keep off (thank the good Lord) since I originally began WW, I'm guessing that was four or five years ago.

I warned the woman who weighed me this morning that I thought I'd gained some weight this week. I could tell by the look on her face after she weighed me that it wasn't going to be pretty. Arrgh! what the hell am I doing? why can't I stay focused with my food plan? Seriously, I am not getting any younger. I wonder if I am just destined to be 20 pounds overweight the rest of my life.
It doesn't seem like Weight Watchers is working for me. Then I wonder if I am just not working Weight Watchers.
I am also wondering if I should quit this program. Then I think about how whenever I skip a week of getting weighed at WW I always gain weight. It's as if I need to be accountable to someone, I need to be honest about what is going on with regard to my weight or I'll just keep gaining. This never used to be the case with me. In the past, whenever I put on a few pounds I used too focus on whatever made me happy in life and bump up the exercise and I would start to fit into my clothes better. I never used to weigh myself either.
Would I keep spiraling down if I stopped Weight Watchers, or is it possible I could still do it on my own?

For today I've decided it is very important to me to lose this extra baggage that I feel has been weighing me down.
For those of you who question my weight loss ambitions please know I'm not exactly miserable, I just remember what it was like not having the extra weight on my body. I was much more comfortable.
Somewhere along the way I've lost the knack for maintaining a healthy body weight. I write about it here as I try and figure out how to get that balance back.
I miss running faster, waking up easier, having more energy, and I remember noticing big improvements in all three of those areas when I was 14 pounds lighter.

Please vote in my poll as to whether or not you think I should stay in WW. It's over on my sidebar to your right.
Some good news, I've been exercising a lot. I jogged 3 miles the other day and I felt great afterwards.

I hope you find this as funny as I did...

2009-09-15T17:40:00.001-04:00

I just laughed and laughed. Why Kanye West's drunken debacle made news is beyond me. This comedian puts it all into funny perspective.

I gained 3 pounds last week!

2009-09-12T13:35:00.009-04:00

oh well...
I didn't want to go to my Weight Watchers meeting this morning but I knew I had to because I didn't go last Saturday, I wasn't feeling well. And though I am not feeling so hot today, (I still have a cold) I knew if I skipped another week of getting weighed it could prove to be disastrous.
As I drove to my meeting I kept thinking I should just quit Weight Watchers. I thought maybe then I could relax, the weight will just drop off and things will just magically fall into place.
It's so weird how I seem to go through this reasoning every now and then, or should I say "magical" thinking? It must be a form of denial.
I mean, why don't I just stick to my program and lose the frigging weight already???
Pondering this, I looked back at the last time I was relatively successful at keeping my weight down. It was last winter, January of 2009. I was 6 pounds lighter. Ever since than I have been losing weight or gaining it back in two or three pound increments.
What does it take to be successful, to lose weight and keep it off?
This morning, Eileen, my Weight Watchers leader told my group, "Quitting is not an option".
Funny how that was exactly what I was thinking of doing this morning and that was one of the first things I heard her say not to do. She also said, and I am paraphrasing here, everyone cares about how they look, and when we take care of ourselves that is when we feel good about ourselves. We stand up straighter, we feel more confident, and we don't let people use us as a door mat. Then she said, "I demand to be treated well". Which made me think, why don't I demand that of myself? Why don't I treat myself well by putting my focus on achieving this one goal that I know will make me feel good about myself?
Every time I have succeeded in sticking to my program, my self esteem has gone up immeasurably and the cool thing is that self esteem naturally overlaps into other areas of my life.
I remember thinking when I lost the first fifteen pounds, if I feel this good now, how will I feel when I achieve my ultimate goal? Perhaps I am just scared to move out of my comfort zone?
I think it might be time for me to do some fire walking. In other words, I need to move out of my complacency or fear or whatever, and commit to taking the actions I need to take.
I need to do this because I really want to lose 18 pounds by November 12th.And I can't be afraid to say that just because I am afraid I won't be able to do it.
So, thanks Eileen, for saying the things I needed to hear.

this was the view from the breakfast room at Borgo Argenina, the place we stayed in Tuscany. I can still hear the birds singing.

We Will Never Forget

2009-09-11T09:49:00.005-04:00

I read this on my friend Daryl's blog, Out and About in New York City, on the M104 this morning. I found this incredibly moving and I wanted to share it with you.
When I asked Daryl if I could reproduce it here, just as she did, she said, "absolutely".
Please visit her blog here where she also has a photo of the Twin Towers.
Thank you Daryl.

From the 104th Floor
by Leda Rodis (age 14 in 2001)

When the plane hit the building
rocked first
to the right
then
to the left,
and outside all the skyscrapers
of New York
seemed to tremble.

The alarms screamed louder
than we did, and I knew
it was time to get away. It's funny
what you notice:
a pen rolling across the floor
my screen saver flicker and go off
a picture of you
and me
at Coney Island.

So much to leave behind. And yet so little.

Running down the hall I remembered
my mother
taking me to the top
of the Empire
State Building when I was just
a little girl,
telling me that a plane
had crashed there a long
time ago. So I thought that maybe
that's
what happened. Just
an accident. And accidents
happen everyday.

Under the blown-out exit sign
a crowd
is screaming,
crying,
pounding
on the door.
I know:
There's

No
Way
Out.

You have to believe that I tried. I'm not the one
to give up.
Back at my desk, I rescue
the rolling pen,
stare
at the blank screen, and
hold
my picture
of you.
I look out
at the blue morning.
I expect
to see God there.
But what I really see is
another plane.
And I know what it means.
But I don't know why...

I always thought that life was full of choices.
It always has been.
What to wear
Where to eat
Who to love
(and you know who I chose).

Now my choices have been taken away from me.
The men in the planes have narrowed my choices
down
to
two:
Death by fire, or death by fall.

I see the smoke
rising
filling the room
It's hard to breathe

I look towards the open window.
What
would falling feel like?

I remember the roller coaster at Coney Island.

The wind tugging at my hair
How good it felt to scream.
The feeling in my stomach.

And how all the way down

I was with you.

many of you have asked who Leda Rodis is ...

ON SEPTEMBER 11, 2001, 14-year-old Leda Rodis was in her high school library in Vermont, researching a freshman English assignment, when the announcement came over the loudspeaker: airplanes had been flown into both towers of the World Trade Center in New York. Like people everywhere that day, Leda watched the unreal images on television as the mammoth structures burned, then collapsed, killing thousands. The image that stuck with Leda most was that of two very brave people jumping from the towers, holding hands. Rather than die in the fire the terrorists had created, they chose to jump. And they chose to do it together.

More than any other event in history, images from 9/11 are forever seared onto humanity’s collective consciousness. Every person has tried in some way to come to terms with that day. Leda decided to write a poem. “From the 104th Floor” flowed through her as if a voice had come up out of the rubble. Though it memorializes the events and feelings of that day, “From the 104th Floor” is in the end a love poem. An inspiration. Love is bigger than terror.

Leda’s mother shared the poem with a friend in Brooklyn, Serguei Bassine, a young filmmaker. The poem’s images dug so deeply into him that in the weeks following 9/11 he would stand up and recite it on his subway commute from Brooklyn into Manhattan. Each time he read he saw horror turn to grief and then to hope in the eyes of his rapt listeners. For a long time he wrestled with how to bring the poem’s images to film without violating the integrity of the poem, or the enormity of the experiences of the people who were lost. In the end he made a short film usingblack-and-white animation as a way of honoring both the writer’s vision and the courage of the people who perished.

a brother is...

2009-09-02T22:55:00.007-04:00

the first boy you think of as being as handsome as your father

you absorb as much of your childhood together as possible until...

he falls madly in love and you see a side of him you never saw before

and you become genuinely happy for him and you begin to see how he really does know everything

...just like you always imagined he did.

after a certain time he becomes a father and you get to watch him fall in love again

this time with his children, and the love is palpable

... because you are given these wonderful gifts in the process, called nieces and nephews

and you also get to be called an aunt too.

I am lucky because I have two brothers I feel this way about.

today is the oldest one's birthday.

happy birthday Chip! I love you dear brother!

Aren't my brothers cute? Chip is the one next to my mother.

I lost the pound (and .2) I gained...

2009-09-02T13:25:00.009-04:00

but that was last Saturday, so the question is, will I lose anything this week? Ok, ok, let me rejoice and remain positive!
I'll explain. It really was a miracle I lost anything last week though, because I was hungry every day, all day long, all week long. I didn't keep my food journal and I reluctantly went to my WW meeting last Saturday. I so very much did not want to go. I am convinced the only reason I lost that one pound was because the night before my Weight Watchers meeting my son had a 103.6 fever and I had just given him Tylenol an hour before I read the thermometer.
Have you ever had that sinking feeling when your child is sick? You know the feeling you get when what usually works really well to remedy the illness isn't working and you begin to realize you are moving into unknown territory, or at least territory you haven't visited since your child was 8 or 9.
Plus you realize at 15, your child is more like a young adult and a 103.6 fever is quite high for a young adult and you think back about how a week before you were in a foreign country and all these thoughts come into your mind in rapid succession-in other words, panic starts to set in. Have you ever felt that way as a parent?
Yeah, I was a little concerned, so I called the doctor at 10 PM last Friday, and I was pre-screened by the doctor's phone service. I respect that totally. And I noticed as I spoke to her my voice was shaking, then I remember thinking, wow I must be really worried. Then she asked me, "how did you take his temperature?" and when I replied with my shaky voice, " with a thermometer, I..." (I can laugh at my answer now) she said rather loudly and not so nicely, interrupting me as I kept talking, "ORALLY or RECTALLY?"
where upon my shaky voice disappeared as I morphed into Super Mom and I said, " ORALLY." but I said it in a tone that really meant, don't f#@&# with me now, just get the f-ing doctor on the phone, now please." & she did so and she did so very quickly. & I was relieved immediately because the doctor who was on call has seen my son a lot this year and she knew exactly what I should do and I did so and he is fine. God bless his doctor and her phone service screener person (and I mean that most sincerely).
Yes, he was fine about an hour after that call actually. Though I spent the next couple of hours in the bathroom evacuating everything in my bowels. This seems to happen to me when I get scared. Thankfully I don't get scared too much.
So, I am convinced that is how I lost a pound last week. So the ticker has been moved in the right direction! I guess every cloud has a silver lining.

thought you would enjoy a picture of her cuteness. please click on photo to see cuteness details up close and why she looks like a living breathing beany baby.

when in Rome...

2009-08-24T09:32:00.008-04:00

It's hard to believe it has been 3 weeks since my last post. the week before my trip to Rome was a whirlwind of getting things in order before we left.
Last Saturday was my first weekend back since my last weight loss report and though it was the last thing I felt like doing, I dragged myself to my Weight Watchers meeting. Still feeling the lag of the jet, I spent the morning commiserating with my husband about how unfortunate we were to no longer be able to spend the day looking at beautiful art and eating amazing food, at least in Rome, anyway! Feeling lost in nostalgia I decided I was too wrapped up in my vacation memories and it was too soon to sit in a meeting and talk about losing weight, but I did go and I did get weighed and I found out I gained 1.2 pounds!
Oh well, what did I expect from having this (see photo below) for breakfast every morning? Don't worry, I only ate one of these. The other two were for hubby Anthony & son Ian!
So, the above weight loss ticker is officially moved in the opposite direction today. & I am back to journaling my food every day since this last Saturday. I should say I feel lucky I didn't gain more. I think the reason I probably didn't was due to the constant walking and cycling we did. We walked a good distance before and after every meal. Maybe I would have actually lost weight if I didn't eat Gelato everyday too.
I should also say how lately I have been thinking I would really like to change the course of my weight loss direction to being one of completing the weight loss challenge I have imposed upon myself. This November 12 it will be two years since I went back to WW. If you want to read the beginning of that story, you can find it here. I think I may feel a great sense of accomplishment if I could succeed at becoming a lifetime member and just stick to maintaining my weight loss goal.
I have written in the past that as slow as I have been in my success, had I not been in the WW program I felt that I would have gained more weight so I would rationalize that at least I wasn't getting fatter. While that may be true, I am starting to think it's time to raise the bar a bit.
I was thinking how nice it would be to achieve my goal by this November 12 which is eleven weeks away. If I stick to the program, Weight Watchers says I should lose 1-2 pounds per week. Wouldn't it be wonderful to celebrate two years of this blog by achieving my weight loss goal?
I am going to do it.

"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."~William James

weight loss update

2009-08-01T10:51:00.006-04:00

Remember when I made the decision about using the weight ticker to report on my weight when I gain? This morning I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and found out I lost 2.2 pounds this week. I was pretty happy since I diligently spent time keeping a food journal. I usually write down what I eat every week at least a few days but this week I wrote down what I ate every day. I remember when I first started Weight Watchers the weeks I religiously kept a food journal are the weeks I always lost weight.
Excited about my loss, I got home and prepared to move the slider thingy on the above weight loss ticker only to find out those 2.2 pounds I lost apparently had been gained back sometime during the last few months and I never recorded those pounds on my ticker! So, officially I still have 15 pounds to lose!
Whatever... I am still happy about my success. It always feels good to be back on track and actually succeeding.
It's not that I stopped going to meetings, I go every single week. I'm convinced that accountability keeps me from gaining my weight back, with the exception of one or two pounds of course!
I just haven't been reporting about it here which I would really love to change. In fact, I would love to report about actually being consistently successful at losing weight. I think that would be even more fun.
The truth is, sometimes I secretly think I can't do it. I say secretly because I don't like to think negative thoughts, in fact I am against thinking that way so I keep those thoughts to myself as I actively try and push them from my mind denying those feelings as if they don't exist.
I guess I just changed that by sharing those thoughts on my blog! LOL! Ahhh, that feels so much better! ...deep, deep cleansing breath.
Not to be perverse, but I had to include a photo of this luscious cake we had last week when we celebrated my brother-in-law Danny's 50th birthday. The chocolate was divine, the cake itself yellow and the filling was cannoli. It was like a meal. I enjoyed just ONE piece & I had it with non-diet ginger ale, a perfect accompaniment if I do say so myself!
and I still lost 2.2 pounds. I just made sure everything else I ate that day was highly nutritious and I also made sure to go for a bike ride when I got home.
This is exactly how I want to enjoy my life celebrating over cake yet still taking care of myself.

RIP Frank McCourt

2009-07-19T23:56:00.006-04:00

also known as the "Teacher Man". Thank you Mr. Frank McCourt for inspiring the world around you by sharing your amazing talent.

Thousand-Hand Guan Yin

2009-07-15T23:45:00.002-04:00

This post is from an email I received today that I thought I would pass along. I hope you enjoy it.

It is called the "DANCE OF 1000 HANDS"

There is an awesome dance, called the Thousand-Hand Guanyin, which is making the rounds across the net. Considering the tight coordination required, their accomplishment is nothing short of amazing, even if they were not all deaf. Yes, you read correctly. All 21 of the dancers are complete deaf-mutes. Relying only on signals from trainers at the four corners of the stage, these extraordinary dancers deliver a visual spectacle that is at once intricate and stirring.

Its first major international debut was in Athens at the closing ceremonies for the 2004 Paralympics. But it had long been in the repertoire of the Chinese Disabled People's Performing Art Troupe and had traveled to more than 40 countries.

Its lead dancer is 29 year old Tai Lihua, who has a BA from the Hubei Fine Arts Institute. The video was recorded in Beijing during the Spring Festival this year.

moments I am missing

2009-07-14T11:05:00.008-04:00

please click on photo to see this scene up close.

These are the irreplaceable moments in life. Sometimes you see them and sometimes they go by unnoticed. I am glad I have a picture of this one to remind me of the happy memories our kitty Sylvia gave us while she was with us.
Last night as we talked about another day without Sylvia, I mentioned how I found different moments through out the day harder to bear, pulling into the driveway being one of them. Sylvia was always there waiting for us. She would see us driving down the block and would dart across the yard to greet us. I told my son and husband I realized now that Sylvia is gone, it's as if a bright light is missing. We all agreed how much we all looked forward to seeing her everyday, her presence just seemed to make life a little brighter.

Today I am missing Sylvia the most. In her younger days she used to stay outside all night. This last year she had been coming in at night when I would let Priscilla out for her last pee. The last two nights just as Priscilla was going out the door, she hesitated as if she was waiting for Sylvia to come inside. That was their little ritual. Priscilla would let Sylvia into the house before she would go out to pee. She loved to sniff Sylvia as she entered the house and it always amazed me that Sylvia would let her. In fact she seemed to saunter in slowly as if she was saying, "Sniff away little Priscilla, take your time, no need to rush."
But last night Priscilla looked out into the night hesitating, like she was confused, her world had gone awry and she wasn't able to figure it out.
This morning I let Priscilla out at 6AM. Usually Sylvia and she would go out the door together. As I opened the door it was like being met with a huge gaping hole. Even though our son was sleeping upstairs, my husband was getting ready for work, Priscilla was standing beside me and the birds and squirrels were busy doing their morning thing, everything seemed completely empty. It was as if a bright light was indeed missing.

RIP Sylvia

2009-07-12T16:41:00.006-04:00

cuddly Sylvia, always so content

You will remain forever in our hearts dear Sylvia, we will never forget you. Last night I dreamed of your shadow walking past the kitchen window, It was the magical time of day when the light gets golden. In the dream I yelled out, "Look, it's Sylvia! I knew she would come back."
I really do believe I will see her again.

Priscilla is posing for a cause!

2009-07-10T23:53:00.009-04:00

please go here asap and buy a raffle ticket to support the Lance Armstrong Foundation. The whole story is complicated but if you go there to that link I just highlighted for you, you will see how important it is. By purchasing a raffle ticket you will get a "virtual" chance to win a brand new Nikon D80 along with the Adobe Photoshop CS4 ! How cool is that?
Either way, you win, even if you don't win the camera, know what I mean?
I hope they raise a ton of money! Let's help them. please be aware, the drawing is this Monday, so if you are so inclined, please get your raffle ticket today or at least as soon as possible! Good luck everyone.

thank you dear Priscilla for doing your part!

please click on above photo to get an up close look at exactly how adorable Priscilla really is.

Evian Roller Babies international version

2009-07-08T08:49:00.002-04:00

saw this over at Marie Reed's Vintage Postcards site. It is sooo funny!... at least I thought so!

Has anyone ever heard of this?

2009-07-07T11:08:00.003-04:00

Please click on the badge below to find out more. I think it is a wonderful idea.

Dance improvisation in Antwerp (Danse improvisée à Anvers)

2009-06-23T00:52:00.002-04:00

I found this on Babzy's, one of my favorite photo blogs from France. Check it out, it is incredibly uplifting

another weird dream

2009-06-14T23:29:00.008-04:00

my husband, son & I were living in an unknown city on the top of a store front. somehow in that weird dream like way that only happens in dreams & not in waking life, we knew the people of the city were being led to believe we were all getting sick and needed medication. We could hear people panicking by listening in on the activity in the street below & through the walls of the apartment building. Meanwhile it turned out the medication that was being dispensed was actually what was making everyone get sick & die. My family & I agreed to act healthy no matter how sick we felt.

At one point I was lost (by myself) in a huge mall (a mall that I've been to in other dreams) looking for an exit & finally finding my way out by winding up at my old job walking through Macy's Herald Square in Manhattan. Then for some reason my family & I thought we should go visit my husbands sister at her new home. while visiting, my sister-in-law & I had a lengthy discussion about furniture she was showing me & how she thought we should go look for some more to buy. I told her I needed to buy some too & remembered thinking in the dream that I couldn't recall exactly what type I needed.

Then my brother -in-law asked to borrow a pair of socks from my husband & my hubby asked me to get them. I jokingly asked my bro-in-law if he forgot to do his laundry. He got pissed off at me & told me to mind my own business. His girlfriend knocked at the door while he left the room, only it wasn't the girlfriend we knew. Apparently he had broken up with his old girlfriend unbeknownst to anyone else. I started getting upset because I loved his old girlfriend, but I didn't want the new one to feel out of place. She was sweet & pretty but completely opposite in every way to his old girlfriend who was also sweet & pretty yet still her exact opposite. the new one was a saleswoman who sold chocolate bars. As she moved her bag off the floor, my sister-in-law saw the extended family's names written on all her candy. She suspected she was planning on selling them to us. I told her it looked like her brother's handwriting & he probably bought some for us to have as a gift.
Next thing I know I'm driving with my sister-in law in the front seat & my husband, son, & mother-in-law are in the back. I decided to drive by our apartment. On the way I sense danger & start to speed, my mother-in-law doesn't tell me to slow down, this I find unusual. As I drive down the street I notice the store front's glass is broken & the windows are boarded up. When I look up, I see our apartment above boarded up as well with a red fabric banner and a yellow star on it, attached to one of the windows. Apparently this is the symbol that was used for homes where an entire family had died from the so called "illness".
I knew there was no turning back and no way to retrieve our belongings. I thought about how I would never get to look through my photo albums again. As I drove away from the building the atmosphere turned very much "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" and I knew I had to drive away quickly. I didn't know if she knew what was going on but I asked my sister-in-law if we could stay at her place. She said the place we had been to earlier was just a place she met people & that her & my mother-in-law were actually sleeping at one of those storage warehouses at night. Somehow I immediately knew whoever was behind all this had plans for them to be next.

As I continued to drive it started to get dark & I didn't know how to get back to her place. My husband kept talking & I found it hard to get directions from my sis-in-law. Before I could tell him to be quiet, all the lights suddenly went out & I couldn't see the road. Next thing I knew, I drove off a huge bridge & the car was flying through the air & I could barely see where we were going though I could recognize shapes that implied a city in the distance. I thought to myself, I did everything I could and we will either land safely or die and there is nothing more for me to do. I just have to let go and accept. Then I woke up.
Talk about disturbing. & the disturbing feeling stayed with me for the entire morning. I purposely slept late so I could get some extra rest, Unfortunately I didn't feel rested after this dream. Does anyone else have dreams like this?

I am in love with these flowers

2009-06-07T23:47:00.005-04:00

The welcomed scent of these flowers filled the air as I worked in my garden yesterday.
These two lovely flowers remind me of my twin nieces. They are alike in so many ways, yet distinctly and uniquely beautiful. Remember when they turned sixteen and I posted their baby pictures here?

is she cute or what?

2009-06-05T23:17:00.006-04:00

there she is playing in the rain soaked poppies. Actually she is intensely sniffing each and every one of them as if her life depended on it, & she never looks up at me when I call her name so I can snap her picture. That is why I had to hold her tiny chin up for the camera. It's as if she is purposely ignoring me thinking, lady, I got better things to do than pose for you all day, I have to be sniffing these poppies so, bug off.
Only she is very tiny, so ultimately I, being the master in control, I realize I can afford to be generous and let her have some time in her favorite part of the garden. Then I take her inside and give her a biscuit.

giving up 400 plus channels

2009-06-04T17:17:00.011-04:00

It's kind of funny to think about giving up so many channels to watch on TV. My husband, son & I basically got tired of the same frustrating scenario every time we sat down in front of the television as a family.
Is it unrealistic to think we would be able to find something to watch on TV at any given moment if we had 400 channels to choose from? Maybe it was the time of day that we chose to watch TV that made our experience more difficult. & Perhaps we will do better with more planning of the TV watching. Whatever the case may be, we thought less channels and a DVR may help our budget. I mean, why pay for premium cable when we weren't enjoying it? In having so many channels previously, it did seem like most movies eventually circulate around all the channels anyway.
So far our DVR has been hooked up for 2 weeks and none of us have read the DVR instructions. Lately we haven't had time to watch much TV and when we have it's just been rentals like, Semi Pro (it was hilarious, especially if you watch it with a teenager) & The X Files, I Want to Believe (I thought it was very good) so I really can't say if this is all for the better. I'll keep you posted.
I should add though, I do like the idea of saving $67 dollars every month!

Thank you for your prayers my friends!

2009-06-03T21:52:00.006-04:00

Though my aunt is still on a ventilator, she is doing so much better. Yesterday she was taken off of the liquid feeding tube and she is up and alert and communicating by writing and trying to speak. She still has a long road ahead of her as far as rehabilitation, but she is a strong woman with a strong spirit and she is getting very good medical care. So thank you, thank you, thank you, for your prayers.

this poppy is for my faithful friends, thank you!

weird dreams

2009-05-19T23:21:00.004-04:00

What does it mean to be walking in the water on potato sized soft rocks that you can see through the water along a shoreline searching for your husband while simultaneously avoiding some type of terrorists? Then you see a bridge in the distance, you know it's the bridge to your favorite beach (in waking life) and you start to fear that you can't keep walking around it so you contemplate crossing over it. Meanwhile as you continue to walk in the water, you see large empty row boats that crew teams use. there are a bunch of them floating around and they look extra large. They also happen to be the boats from your son's high school crew team. It's also really hot out and the water is almost stagnant, not really moving.
Sometimes I think I just make up my dreams as I am dreaming and they mean absolutely nothing. At times I just get tired of dreaming so much and wish I would just sleep soundly.

notice the ticker changed?

2009-05-16T18:22:00.006-04:00

Yay! I finally lost two pounds. It took me four weeks. I'll take the loss. I look at it this way, if I lose 2 pounds a month for the next year that would equal 24 pounds. So yeah, I'll take it. Losing any amount of poundage is always better than gaining.
I have been doing so much better paying attention to my well being lately. I feel good. & I hope you're feeling good too.Isn't this the coolest bracelet? When I lose 10 more pounds I am going to buy myself something like this to celebrate.

mother's day aftermath

2009-05-11T08:36:00.010-04:00

Priscilla Princess

Yesterday was a strange Mother's Day for me. I thought of how this was the first Mother's Day my Mom's mother is no longer with us. and I thought of my godmother, (my grandmother's daughter) in the hospital who just had a tracheotomy. they still do not know what caused her respiratory distress so she will be getting more tests. With the tracheotomy she is partially breathing on her own and she has been writing us notes so that is good news. Hopefully we will know more today.

Saturday night I came home from a trip to Connecticut for my nieces first holy Communion and found our Priscilla had had another seizure while she was home alone. Thankfully she is perfectly fine now with the exception of her epilepsy which strikes in its own timeline without warning. She is under a doctor's care who prescribes medication and also instructs me to watch her for the first 24 hours after a seizure since that seems to be when she most likely will have another one or a series of them.
If you saw her curled up in a ball on the couch pillows right now you would never guess the trauma her little body recently went through.
I saw my own mom early in the morning yesterday to wish her happiness and drop off a gift. We were all to go to my brothers for brunch but like Priscilla, my Dad wasn't feeling well so my Mom took my son with her to spend time with his dear cousins. My husband visited his Mom with his brother and I stayed home with Priscilla. Despite everything that is going on I feel very grateful. This is my life but for today all is well. It may not seem like it is but when I think about it, right at this very moment all is well.

"...that thou art happy, thou owest to God;
that thou continuest such, thou owest to thyself."~ John Milton: Paradise Lost

a favorite artist releases his debut album,

2009-05-05T23:30:00.004-04:00

please go here to check it out. My favorite song is "Now is the Time". You can hear it on his myspace page by clicking here.
In this piece, Ian France uses a sound recording taken from a Martin Luther King speech and pairs it with his own electronica composition resulting in what seems to me a reflection of what is going on in the world around us today. The rest of the music is pretty cool too.

my aunt is very sick

2009-05-04T23:21:00.006-04:00

She is also my godmother and her name is Doris. Please pray for her. If she makes it, she will have a long road to recovery. She has many health problems and the doctors aren't sure what exactly is causing her critical condition. This morning she was in respiratory distress and had to be put on a ventilator. She is stable at this moment but she remains in the intensive care unit at the hospital.
Thank you for your prayers. I hope to post here again very soon. I have missed my Lily blog very much. I hope this message finds you all well.

thank you mother earth

2009-04-22T00:00:00.003-04:00

Happy Earth Day everyone! I came across an interesting email from the Sierra Club today. If you go here you can quiz yourself to find out how green you are in different areas of your life. I took the "How green is my workout" quiz and got a 68. they said I had some good moves, but I could probably save a few more trees. There were also green quizzes on your love life and your pirate ship among others. check it out here. If nothing else, you'll raise your awareness. Even if you wind up making one or two small changes. If everyone did something, it really adds up to a healthier environment for us all. Besides, the earth has given us so much, shouldn't we take care of her in return?
please click on images for prettier details

"All plants are our brothers and sisters. They talk to us and if we listen, we can hear them."-Arapaho

"When we show our respect for other living things, they respond with respect for us."-Arapaho

500 Souls

2009-04-19T09:09:00.003-04:00

Check out this unique music video by Ian France. I think it's the neatest thing. You can check out more of this artists music here. If you go to his myspace music you can also hear, "Now is the Time" probably my favorite of his so far.

2009-04-19T09:02:00.005-04:00

I've decided I am not going to talk about my weight when I gain some back. Well, other than to report it here. But that's it. I'll just move the slider thingy at the top of the page & then I will state I gained 2 pounds last week. So there you have it. I just don't feel like talking about it anymore. I will only elaborate on my success or my hope for my future. & I feel very hopeful this week.

Happy Easter & Happy Passover my friends.

2009-04-09T13:00:00.003-04:00

A good story to share for this holy week,

Two Horses

There is a field, with two horses in it.
From a distance, each horse looks like any other horse.
But if you stop your car, or are walking by, you will
notice something quite amazing. Looking into the eyes
of one horse will disclose that he is blind. His owner
has chosen not to have him put down, but has made a
good home for him .
This alone is amazing.

If you stand nearby and listen, you will hear the
sound of a bell. Looking around for the source of
the sound, you will see that it comes from the
smaller horse in the field.

Attached to the horse's halter is a small bell.
It lets the blind friend know where the other
horse is, so he can follow.
As you stand and watch these two horses, you'll see
that the horse with the bell is always checking on the
blind horse, and that the blind horse will listen for
the bell and then slowly walk to where the other
horse is, trusting that he will not be led astray.

When the horse with the bell returns to the shelter
of the barn each evening, it stops occasionally and
looks back, making sure that the blind friend isn't
too far behind to hear the bell.
Like the owners of these two horses, God does not
throw us away just because we are not perfect or
because we have problems or challenges.
He watches over us and even brings others into our
lives to help us when we are in need.

Sometimes we are the blind horse being guided by
the little ringing bell of those who God places in
our lives.
Other times we are the guide horse, helping others
to find their way....
Good friends are like that... you may not always
see them, but you know they are always there.

Please listen for my bell and I'll listen for yours.
And remember...be kinder than necessary-everyone
you meet is fighting some kind of battle.
Live simply,
Love generously,
Care deeply,
Speak kindly....

Leave the rest to God

& Thank you to the unknown author.

The Love Dare

2009-04-07T23:05:00.004-04:00

I gave this book, The Love Dare to my husband for Valentines Day with a promise to take the dare as my gift to him. That was nearly two months ago & I've completed two dares so far. The idea is to do a dare a day for forty days. I however, am taking the dares one day at a time whenever I have the opportunity. Still, I think it may be more effective if I do them closer together.
The first one was easy for me. I was to say nothing negative to my spouse for an entire day. It is rare that I say anything negative to my husband. That is not to say I didn't monitor myself for the day, just in case. You are supposed to journal after you complete the dare, so I found this dare rather anti-climatic since it wasn't all that unusual an experience.

The second dare was to repeat the first dare while adding at least one unexpected act of kindness. At first I thought, I am kind every day, what's the big deal? & then of course it hit me, an unexpected act of kindness, oh yeah, I get it.
It took me a week to think of a good one, finally! and then I waited for the weekend when hubby usually cleans the bathroom, but I cleaned it instead, right after I bathed Priscilla, something else H likes me to do & he loved it. He was so appreciative. & I felt happy inside.

Here is a little excerpt from the book;
Initiative. kindness thinks ahead, then takes the first step. It doesn't sit around waiting to be prompted or coerced before getting off the couch. The kind husband or wife will be the one who greets first, smiles first, serves first, and forgives first. They don't require the other to get his or her act together before showing love. When acting from kindness, you see the need, then make your move. First.
Good stuff, eh?

Yay, I lost a pound!

2009-04-04T18:29:00.009-04:00

Despite my failing to control my appetite as much as I should have, the ticker is once again moving in the right direction. I was afraid to get weighed today for fear I gained, but it seems to be the only way I can stick to my weight loss program so I showed up at my Weight Watchers meeting this morning & I am glad I did. Of course the whole way there I had a running dialogue with myself about how I should just go ahead & quit WW. In retrospect it is a wonder I ever lose any weight at all with the way I think most of the time. I was surprised and very grateful I lost weight. It's just a pound, but I'll take it.

Notice I am now passed my halfway mark. I am guessing the exercise I did this week helped as well as making sure I got enough sleep. That seems to really help with my sugar cravings. I was still quite hungry, constantly wanting to eat, so this week my goal is to make sure I drink at least 8 glasses of water every day. I have read that sometimes when you don't get enough fluids your body acts like it is hungry when it actually just needs water. I know it's just basic stuff but like all these tips & guidelines they can be hard to remember on a daily basis especially when you are busy doing other things all day. It's so easy to fall back into old habits, like thinking, "let me just grab this piece of ...CHOCOLATE!" Well, at least I make sure it's the dark chocolate. Did you know dark chocolate has iron in it?
I will do better this week. That is my mantra for the week. I WILL do better!

interesting art seen at the APW gallery Long Island City
click on image to see meaningful quotes in artwork up close

In response to a lovely readers question...

2009-03-31T16:53:00.006-04:00

Anonymous asked;
Have you ever given thought to seeing a nutritionist? Do you know of a reputable one? What do you think about that possibility? xxxxx

I actually took a class in nutrition with the wonderful nutritional warrior Christopher D'Orta. It's sort of a hobby of mine. My interest in healthy eating is what led me to become a vegetarian years ago. & that is not to say I think meat is horribly bad. There are just so many issues surrounding how animals are raised & fed & whatnot. Nowadays people have better choices as far as organic meats & such but I figure if I started eating meat again, than I'd have two vices to deal with, red meat & sugar!
I think my tendency to overeat will always be there. I love food.
& I have noticed the older I get the more important it seems to be to eat a well balanced diet. So I do that on a daily basis. But I do have a hard time with sugar when I don't get enough rest. So I am concentrating on getting enough sleep lately & it seems to be helping.
Also, if you are interested in reading any of my back posts, it turns out I have a high metabolism, so it is also important that I eat enough calories per day as well. That was quite a problem when I was restricting calories earlier in the year.
So between my overeating, under eating & love of sweets, I have my hands full. I also find it a big challenge to stay motivated. Writing about it helps quite a bit. People who visit here are very encouraging.
Thankfully I'm moving in the right direction!

I am sick of talking about my weight.

2009-03-28T11:03:00.009-04:00

But honestly, what is the alternative? Should I just keep spiraling down until I have gained back every ounce of weight I lost and more?
This morning as I drove to my weight watchers meeting I thought I would have definitely lost some weight because well, get this logic, since I had gained so much back since the end of January, I believed "I must have lost something this week". When the nice weigh in woman told me I had gained 1.6 pounds, I just thought to myself how ridiculous this is. I am so not getting anywhere. Every week it's the same thing. My WW leader calls this the weight loss cha-cha. Up 2 pounds, down 1 pound, up .6, down .2, slowly but surely that has been me the last two months, going nowhere but in the wrong direction.
Yesterday I thought about quitting Weight Watchers. I fantasized that if I quit I could save the money I was spending on it for the new clothes I could buy myself after I finished losing my weight. Somehow I thought I'd magically lose weight if I quit WW. Now that makes a lot of sense.
I also thought about using my WW money to see a shrink instead. I thought maybe he could tell me why I was failing to lose weight and maybe act as a personal coach of sorts. That idea quickly dissolved when I realized I so did not want to get into my whole life story. I am sick of analyzing it.
Driving home I accepted the fact that I haven't focused on my goal & I need to start anew. So today I am putting a weight loss tracker at the top of my post. I am using this as a daily visual reminder that I want to lose 17 pounds. & I don't want to take a year and a half to do it. I need to recommit to my program. I also have to acknowledge the good things I have been doing.
So that I will end this post on a positive note I am listing four things I have been successful at.

I exercise at least 4 times a week, sometimes 5

I have been getting enough sleep

I didn't gain all the weight back that I had lost. I am still down 17 pounds from when I first started weight watchers a few years ago.

I didn't quit WW today.

When I lose 17 more pounds, that will put me a few pounds ahead of my weight watchers goal. I've always wanted to do that. Then I'll get to become a lifetime member!
I just realized something. This goal should be at the very top of my bucket list. Hey, I'm already half way there!

This is so funny

2009-03-25T12:01:00.003-04:00

I found this at one of my favorite places to visit, a blog called This Idiot.
The very talented writer of this blog expresses her love for her dog in a way that always makes me laugh out loud. Check out This Idiot here.

From the flower show at a local nursery...

2009-03-23T22:49:00.006-04:00

for your enjoyment, click on the photos for more detail.

The daisy seems to me like the classic flower.

Do you see their faces?

I tried to grow these a few times...Aren't they beautiful?

take the clean sweep challenge!

2009-03-19T00:06:00.008-04:00

Take the test here.
Happily, I found this challenge over at the inspiring Clutterquake. I took the test and scored a 60!
Basically the test is about cleaning up your life, perfect for someone like me who has been called to the word o r g a n i s e for this year! For every question I was unable to check off as true, I was given a goal to work towards making true. At the end of the test, I looked at the list carefully and was amazed to see very specific unchecked boxes that glared out to me as being the most important. The beauty of this test gave me concrete ideas on how I could improve my life by providing me with a specific set of actions I could take to achieve more serenity and peace of mind.
As a result I carry a short list of goals around with me since then to try and increase my score until the next go round.
So, what is on my list might you wonder?

Laugh out loud

Get rid of things I don't use

Be on time

Catch up on letters and calls

Don't take things personally

I wish I could explain how empowering it has been for me to put these goals in the forefront of my mind these last couple of weeks. It is suggested that you work on just a few at a time to keep it manageable. I have actually found it fun! I decided I won't add anymore goals until I complete all five on this list. This way I can look at the list keeping mindful of practicing them until they are instilled in me. Like laughing out loud, it's an easy goal to accomplish one or two days in a row but by the third day it's easy to forget unless it becomes a habit. The larger goal here is to make this list a habit. By keeping the list with me I get to practice being on time, laughing out loud & not taking things personally while I catch up on my letters & get rid of all the things I do not use. Using my list helps me stay focused so that I may accomplish these goals. It's a good feeling.
As someone who has struggled with lateness my entire life, it is a wonderful feeling getting somewhere early.
I'm also usually very good at not taking things personally, but sometimes I forget & by making it a daily practice my hope is that it becomes ingrained in me much the same way as my other daily habits are.
Some days I have actually had to stop what I was doing to find something that makes me laugh out loud. & I have found laughing out loud every day just seems like free therapy if nothing else.
I suspect I will get lots of practice with these new habits since I have many things to get rid of that I don't use.
I also suspect my friends & family will be hearing from me regularly as well as I catch up on letters and phone calls... more free therapy!
So far, it's all good.
If you do take the test, please stop by again & tell me what you think.

happy birthday mommy!

2009-03-18T00:00:00.002-04:00

One day while out walking with my best friend, we were talking about motherhood when she told me something that will forever stick in my mind. This friend said that no one will ever listen to you with the same rapt attention the way that your mother will. We started discussing the logistics of conversation between a mother and her child but quickly realized even when a mother seems like she isn't listening, she is, without a doubt, listening. Like many conversations I have had with this friend over the years, it was a gift, a pearl, a truism. At least it was for me. This truism made me think how important it is to choose my words carefully when I speak to my mother. After all, if you are fortunate enough to have a parent who still takes an active interest in your life when you get to be my age, than it just seems imperative to try your best to keep your words golden. I know, I happen to be a lucky daughter to have one of those moms that listens. & I don't mean to gloat about it or even pretend to be perfect in the way I speak to her. But, today is my Mom's birthday and she deserves to know how much I appreciate her. I love you Mom, & not just for always listening to me. I just love you.

There is a lot of history in this picture of my Mom. If I'm not mistaken, she made the dress she was wearing, did her own hair and astoundingly, perfectly applied her lipstick without the aid of a mirror. Isn't she lovely?

Watching this is like watching a story unfold.

2009-03-09T11:51:00.003-04:00

I came across this on PJ's Pensacola Daily Photo Blog. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

I find it so inspiring to see such wonderful talent. Thanks PJ!

o r g a n i s e

2009-03-06T10:53:00.019-05:00

It' s been almost an entire month since I last wrote about this little corner of my basement so I will post the before and after pics together here. I've heard it said that Spring is the perfect time to clean out your home. I guess that is what is known as "spring cleaning"...sadly, I don't think I've ever done that!
I am starting from the ground up but I am working throughout the house as well.
This may not look like much, and if you remember, yes, I know, it was sooo long ago... I took the "before" pics after I already started cleaning so you didn't get to see how bad it really was, but I just have to say, what a relief it is to now to be able to walk in this corner of my basement! I can quite clearly and easily see what it is I need to get without feeling like I will be bitten by a spider or attacked by a cricket. Actually, the crickets don't attack, they just like to jump real high which kind of makes me jumpy.
Tomorrow I will post a picture of my next basement corner do over.

This is before:

and after:

another view of before:

and after:

"[Stuff] robs people of so much...If your house is full of stuff, all the blessings that could fill your house can't get in. The stuff takes over. It robs you psychologically. You can't be at peace."~from Oprah's organizational guru Peter Walsh

To see more of Peter as well as some AMAzing before & after pics, please go here.

It snowed yesterday...

2009-03-03T08:30:00.008-05:00

almost the entire day too! The best part about the snow day was finding out the night before that my son had no school. My very thoughtful mother happened to see on the local news channel that my son's school already made the decision to close on Sunday night, prompting her to call us immediately. Of course we were all ecstatic. We got to stay up later & sleep later which was fun. It was just like a three day weekend. I took a short drive in the afternoon when all the major roads were cleared to take some photos. There is another one over here at my Long Island Daily Photo blog.
If you're from around these parts, stay warm today, it's going to be a cold one!

The Bethpage golf course, please click on photo to enlarge.

Finally a loss!

2009-03-02T00:49:00.003-05:00

Saturday morning I was sure I had gained a pound. I couldn't get to my weight watchers meeting until later in the morning so I didn't want to eat fearing I'd gain 1 or 2 pounds of water weight that I have a tendency to gain as the day progresses. I was so tempted to skip the meeting entirely, but I knew if I did it would just make matters worse. My WW leader helps me stay on track. After I took care of my early morning errands, I finally got to the meeting anticipating the worst. I thought how great it would be if I could at least stay the same weight. Needless to say when the nice lady said I was down .2 I almost started to cry. I don't think I've ever been been so happy to lose so little. Sometimes I am amazed to find out how little it takes to make me happy. I wonder if that is part of my problem? I am starting to think I need to work this program a tad bit differently. I am starting to think I am settling. I think I need to change my approach. I'll keep you posted.

Priscilla after a bath. Isn't she adorable?

it's not good

2009-02-23T10:19:00.011-05:00

I gained 2.2 pounds last week & .6 this last Saturday, bringing my total gain these last two weeks up to 2.8 ! So now I have to lose 9 pounds instead of 6. I wasn't happy with this turn of events & I can list a million reasons why it hasn't been easy to stay on course as of late but I'd rather focus on what I need to do today. Besides, like my leader asked us at my last meeting, "what is easier? being overweight and unhealthy or losing weight and having energy?" When it's said like that it seems so obvious. Yet we all know it isn't easy to lose weight... so there lies the wild card. Then I think, once I lose the weight, it'll be easier. I know if I want to be a lifetime member of Weight Watchers I'll need to stay within two pounds of my goal weight. I think I have the ability to do that. The big question now is, do I have the willingness?
I had a good weekend as far as calorie consumption. I wrote down everything that I ate. I drank all the water I was supposed too. I also made sure I slept enough. Yesterday I even walked for an hour. I feel like I've had a bit of an attitude adjustment since I went back to my meetings. Despite my gain, my Weight Watchers leader seems to be good with turning people's attitudes around. One of my worst habits is not monitoring myself. When I neglect writing down what I am eating, I become like an amnesiac & "forget" to eat the healthy stuff first. This sets off even more cravings since junky food always leaves me wanting more. Now that I have found out that I have a high metabolism I am starting to realize how important it is for me to eat at least 1600 calories a day or else I won't lose weight. If half of those 1600 calories aren't nutritionally up to par, like foods loaded with nutrients that will give me energy, I have found my body will only crave more food until I do get those nutrients thus adding way too many calories.
So last Saturday I got back from my meeting and made my yogurt soy milk berry banana shake. It tastes good, it's loaded with all good things and it gives me energy.
Here is the recipe and here's to hope that I lose some weight this week!
I use organic ingredients whenever possible, but if I can't, I just substitute with whatever is available.

1 cup of frozen organic blueberries ( I like Trader Joe's)
half of a banana
1 cup organic nonfat plain yogurt
1 cup organic soy milk
2 packets stevia

I use a hand held blender to mix the blueberries with the soy milk a little at a time. Then I add the yogurt & the cut up banana, stevia and mix again.

For Weight Watchers, it's 4 points. ( or 350 calories)
TIP~ if my bananas are getting really ripe, I like to put them in the fridge & use them to make the shakes a little more "shake" like.

~ a picture of the goodness

Lily needed a change...

2009-02-21T17:53:00.003-05:00

I hope you like it!
I think this change in my blog's look had to do with my word organise for this year. Like other words of mine in previous years, it's starting to seep in by osmosis. I have many other things to write to you about, but for now I will let you adjust to this sudden surprise for a moment or two before doing so.
Happy Sunday!

I didn't do so hot with my diet this week...

2009-02-13T22:52:00.005-05:00

so of course I am dreading going to my WW meeting tomorrow morning. Last weekend's birthday celebration complete with chocolate cake, paled by comparison with this weeks food consumption. All week long I just felt hungry all the time. My chocolate cravings were ridiculous and I only exercised twice. By yesterday I was so depressed with my lack of willpower and motivation I felt like a total loser. I guess I needed to hit bottom before I could begin the good fight yet again. Yes, I am still dreading getting weighed tomorrow, but I am completely ready.

"If you think you can do it, or you think you can't do it, You are right." ~ Henry Ford

Tips for an Exceptional, Superb and Powerful Life, continued...

2009-02-10T23:25:00.015-05:00

This is the last of them. Take what is good and leave the rest!

29. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

30. Do the right thing!

31. Call your family often.

32. Each night before you go to bed complete the following statements: "I am thankful for___. Today I accomplished___."

33. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

34. Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast pass. You only have one ride through life so make the most of it and enjoy the ride.

"Trust the past to God's mercy, the present to God's love and future to God's providence."~ St. Augustine

I promised I would talk about my word that I picked for this year,
~ o r g a n i s e
I like putting spaces between each of the letters. I think it's because it makes it look so, I don't know-organised perhaps? Plus I like spelling it the English way because I think it sounds clearer and more precise, at least in my mind it does. When I first wrote about this word I felt it was a word that picked me. In other words, when I thought of it, it just sort of popped up out of no where. Pondering this word these last few weeks I became inspired. I've been wanting to get my house in order for a long time. I decided to start with the basement thinking that may give me a good foundation to start with. Here are some "before" photos of the first corner of the basement that I attacked. Unfortunately I removed an entire shelf filled with assorted stuff before realizing I should take a photo, so it was a lot worse. I wish I could have documented just how bad it was, but I think you'll get the idea. As soon as I finish the re-org in this corner, I'll post the "after" pics.

Notice the big rust stain on the floor? If you enlarge this photo you can see some gross details like the 3 brooms swept down almost to their handles. Why were we keeping them?

Those black trash bags are filled with empty or dried out paint cans, old shelving and empty cardboard boxes along with a rusty tool box.

"Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity."~Albert Einstein

please, please Albert let it be so!

a couple of things...

2009-02-09T09:22:00.014-05:00

I didn't go to my weight watchers meeting on Saturday. Usually I think of going to my meeting as a gift, a time out just for me that I give myself to help me stay on track because it really is a great support. Last Saturday was an exception in that I didn't force myself to go to a meeting even though I was worried I had gained back some weight I had just lost. I didn't count my calories/points as carefully as I had planned too during the week and I thought if I went to my meeting and found out I gained I would be upset, and I just didn't want to be upset on my birthday. Yes it was a big day for me, I am always pleased to be here for yet another year!
Plus it would be a nice present sleeping in a couple of extra hours.
So guess what I did as soon as I woke up? After vowing not too, I weighed myself! If I didn't stay the same, I think I may have lost a pound. My scale isn't accurate, but it's close enough. Feeling guilty I properly consoled myself, telling myself, it's your birthday, you should do whatever you want, if you wanted to weigh yourself, what is so wrong with that? Who is making up the rules anyway? I think I made the right decision because later on (after being sick for the last couple of weeks) I finally had the energy to go for a nice 3 & 1/4 mile run. Feeling empowered, as exercise so often does for me, I also decided that for the rest of the day, birthday cake included, whatever I ate would be eaten joyfully and with lots of gratitude.That is one of the things I love about WW, there aren't any foods off limits.

thanks to my generous parents, the Eggplant Milano that I ordered from my favorite Greek restaurant. I only ate half of it. Thanks Mom & Dad!
& the cake for after...I had one slice with 2 "slivers".

Remember the tips? Well, there are more!
If you missed the first 22, please go here, here & here.

Tips for an Exceptional, Superb and Powerful Life

23. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!

24. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

25. Your job won't take care of you when you get sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.

26. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

27. Envy is a waste of time. You already have everything you need. God provides, remember?!

28. The best is yet to come.

tomorrow will be the last of the "tips" plus a little about my word for the year,
~ O R G A N I S E !

To lose or not to lose, that is the question.

2009-02-02T09:07:00.006-05:00

I pray I am finally truly ready to let go of it.
Saturday showed another big loss for me, I'm down 3.2 more pounds. So in the last two weeks I've lost a total of six pounds. This is great news since 3 weeks ago I had gained 4.6 after being away from my Weight Watchers meetings for exactly four weeks. Now the challenge will be can I continue to lose? I haven't lost this much weight so quickly since I first started WW. At this point I don't know if it is due to my daily 1600 calorie regime or the fact that I've been sick the last three weeks! Maybe it's a combination of both. Whatever the case, I'm a bit nervous. I think I've reached my boiling point. I want to be done with this goal and start my six weeks of maintenance so I can become a lifetime WW member. I only need to lose six more pounds. I think I actually want to lose more than that but I don't have too if I don't want too in order to qualify for starting the WW maintenance plan. Right now my BMI is in the healthy range so that is a relief and my waist size is a tad bit less than half my height. & although I am tall, I'm not a big boned girl so I wonder if I'd probably be a little more comfortable with even less weight on me. I guess that is another decision I have to make once I lose these last six pounds. I often hear the last five pounds are the hardest to shed. Maybe that won't apply to me since I haven't made up my mind yet as far as exactly how much I want to lose!

This week should give me a clearer picture in terms of how much I can realistically expect to lose on 1600 calories a day since I seem to be fully recovered from what I think may have been the flu followed by a nasty stomach virus that lasted four days. I'm surprised I didn't gain weight with all the white bread and salty crackers and ginger ale I had been eating. I haven't had a piece of fruit or a vegetable since last Monday! Today I will attempt a berry banana soy milk smoothie. Yum, I can't wait!
This week I commit to staying positive while I track my calories. I also commit to drinking plenty of water, getting enough sleep and exercising at least one hour a day.
I have no illusions, I know it's not easy, yet I feel up to the challenge for today.

Every year we let our Yorkie Priscilla play with the wrapping paper on Christmas day. She loves paper. Here she is looking all innocent. If you had seen her just moments earlier you wouldn't have recognized her-kind of like me after I've eaten a chocolate bar!

weight loss update

2009-01-29T09:23:00.005-05:00

I showed a 2.8 pound weight loss last Saturday when I weighed in at my weight watchers meeting! I wanted it to be more like five, but let's face it, those teenage days of dropping 5 pounds in one week are over. so hopefully this week I'll lose two more. I hope, I hope!
It is still hard for me to believe that eating more is actually going to help me lose weight. I know there are many days when I have eaten above and beyond 1600 calories, and that is probably why I have been maintaining as opposed to losing.
According to the metabolic test that I wrote about in my last post, I can eat between 1915 and 2488 calories to maintain my weight. That seems like quite a lot of calories, more than enough to keep me satisfied when I finally complete my total weight loss and get to the point of maintenance. Given my love of chocolate, something tells me I would be wise to count calories once I get to that point.

So you are never going to believe this...

2009-01-23T14:05:00.006-05:00

but I have a high metabolism, as in VERY high. My body burns 1915 calories a day at rest. My Dr told me this after she said I was iron deficient and needed to start iron supplementation immediately. I told her I thought she was looking at the wrong chart. After confirming my birth date, she said no, it was all true. I was either eating way too much OR possibly not eating enough!
Wow! I thought, that means I can eat more! & that's precisely what I have been doing since then-hence the 4.6 pound weight gain...
Seriously though, my DR said this is probably why when I was eating 1400 calories a day for 2 weeks I didn't lose any weight. The body goes into starvation mode or some such, clinging to whatever fat it can. Sweet DR then told me I should be eating 1600 calories a day if I wanted to lose 1-2 pounds a week.
This was amazing news to me. After feeling extremely tired for the last few months as well as hitting a weight loss plateau for quite some time, I was starting to feel like I was getting old.
The funny thing is, I was never like that either, I was never one to "feel" old. I was always one of those people that has always believed you are as young as you feel, & I would set my mind to feeling young. I should have known something was wrong when my thinking started to change.

After this fast/high metabolism news I suddenly started to feel very hopeful. This is so cool I thought, I have a fast metabolism. I can lose weight. I was just tired from not having enough iron! I began to feel young again. At the age of 46 it was as if I was being reborn. Here I was thinking all this time, I'm getting old, my metabolism is slowing down, I don't have as much energy....blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! It turns out it was all rubbish!
And after just two weeks of taking my iron supplements, I have new found energy that I haven't seen in a while. This seems to be helping me with my cravings since I tend to crave food when I am tired.
So the good news is, there isn't a thing wrong with me. I'm not even "just getting old" anymore! In fact I am probably in better health now (other than this wicked cold I've got) then I have ever been.
Hopefully tomorrow I will see a change when I go to weigh in at Weight Watchers too!

two of my favorite people

losing weight in 2009

2009-01-22T17:25:00.008-05:00

I can't remember my last post on my weight loss/weight watchers debacle. I just got so sick of talking, writing, and thinking about it. If it weren't for my soul sister Quasi Mom I think I would have lost all inspiration to stay on course.By the way, if you want to follow an amazing weight loss story I highly recommend her blog. She doesn't write about it all the time, but she gives you plenty to ponder.
I have to say it felt good to take a break from it all in terms of the reportage, but I will tell you this, it didn't feel too good to get on the Weight Watchers scale last weekend and finding out I gained 4.6 pounds. Not like I was shattered or depressed, I was more like, OK, whatever.
I knew just getting back to my WW meeting was a triumph. I hadn't been to one in 4 weeks.

I think my biggest breakthrough other than getting back to my WW meetings was joining a gym 6 weeks ago. Not too long ago my friend Kitty from the fabulous site, New York Portraits commented about how she frequents a gym & how she feels the benefits of weight lifting. That kind of stuck in my brain because I used to lift weights at home & somehow got out of the habit of it about two years ago. Then, just before Christmas I got a coupon in the mail from my husbands gym. I could try it out for 6 weeks for only $39.00. Long story short, I'm a bit of a gym rat now. OK I'm exaggerating, but I do really like it. I like the smell of the rubber mats and the loud music and all the people politely exercising with one another. Well, some are more polite than others, but they are all very interesting characters nonetheless.
Initially I hated the mere thought of gyms. Why leave my nice cozy house I reasoned, I have my own weights and an exercise bike. Plus, I thought, who wants to hang out with all those sweaty people when you can be outside running around the neighborhood in the open air. Thankfully two things opened up my mind, I knew some added cardio would help my little upcoming ski trip, and I also knew my son would be home from school for two weeks & I would be able to take him with me, which is always fun.
Besides it really is a great place to people watch, sort of like when I used to live in Manhattan, all different types and personalities stuck together in one big room. It actually helps me to see there are others like myself struggling through 30 minutes on the elliptical machine or running for what seems like an eternity on the treadmill. This is a big revelation for someone who is very used to exercising alone.
Plus I do believe my weight gain would have been much more had I not been doing the extra exercise I found myself doing at the gym. The machines make it so easy to lift weights, you can't help but go for it.
Eventually I would like to start taking a few classes like yoga and maybe even spinning. I'll keep you posted.
& remember way back in November I told you about that metabolic test the DR made me take? Supposedly it would tell me exactly how many calories I should be consuming in order to lose weight. Well, I got the results back & you are going to laugh. Only, I don't have time to write about it now, but I promise I will write about it in the next 24 hours.

these flowers are for all my friends that stop by here to read my posts and give me encouragement. Thank you.

"What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us ...

2009-01-21T09:35:00.011-05:00

for so long no longer apply."

excerpted from President Obama's speech.

Yesterday was an amazing day for America!
Two powerful themes as a result of the incredible history made yesterday are buzzing in my mind. Both are competing for my attention as I rethink and relive the incredible events that transpired in one short day. I want to say we as a nation should be proud of the fact that right now at this very moment the majority of us are looking to our president Barack Obama as a leader that speaks to us about being personally accountable for our actions and we are responding with a resounding, " Yes we will!" this positive attitude of the general population makes me proud to be an American.
From President Obama's Inauguration speech,

"...But those values upon which our success depends-honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism-these things are old. These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.
What is demanded, then, is a return to these truths. What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility-a recognition on the part of every American that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task."

Yes, all of the bad news is still around us. It's not going away overnight, we all know that. Yet our hope lies in a man who knows how to speak to America as well as the Americans who are responding positively to the difficult tasks at hand. Barack is reminding us that American history is filled with powerful examples of what our ancestors did to not only survive, but flourish. Like Obama said, it is important to remember what this country has already done..."what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage."

& the other equally important thing abuzz in my brain- for those of you who doubted things would change with our new president, you need only look at the person who is now residing at the White House to see the evidence of this other American dream realized. It gives me immeasurable joy knowing with complete certainty that young children of color who are alive this very day will see that, yes, people do change and yes, there is such a thing as hope and like Mr. Robert McDaniel who was quoted this morning in Newsday said, "We bleed red, we breathe air. We need to be one, maybe now there is a chance."
Amen I say to that Mr. McDaniel.

for a happy Obama music video, please go visit the danish poet here.

American Prayer - Dave Stewart (Barack Obama Music Video)

2009-01-20T14:19:00.001-05:00

if you were here earlier, my apologies for the false start! I don't know why my last video didn't work, but I found something better- It is another one that has been around awhile, but I thought it was quite beautiful. Let us celebrate this huge day for America!

Tips for an Exceptional, Superb and Powerful Life, continued...

2009-01-12T00:00:00.002-05:00

15. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

16. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

17. Don't compare your life with others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
18. Ladies- Go on and burn those 'special' scented candles, use the 600 thread count bed sheets, the good china and wear your fancy clothes now. Stop waiting for a special occasion. Every day is special.

19. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

20. Frame every so- called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

21. Forgive everyone for everything. (I think this is a really great one!)

22. What other people think of you is none of your business. (This one is just as good as the last one.)

it snowed on Saturday.

8. Clear clutter from your house, car, and desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.

2009-01-11T11:56:00.000-05:00

9. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, misuses of the past. Negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead, invest your energy in the positive present moment.

10. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class...but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

11. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a layman, and dinner like a beggar.

12. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

13. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

14. Don't take yourself seriously. No one else does. ( I love this one.)

More to follow soon from "Tips for an exceptional, Superb and Powerful Life".

& just a photo from my Vermont trip. I can't believe it was two weeks ago already!
I wanted to show you this because I think it really captures the feel of what it was like being there.

please click on photo to enlarge for greater details.

just a little video for you until my next post...

2009-01-10T00:36:00.006-05:00

This was taken on the road while traveling home from Vermont on New Years Eve. There were mountains all around us, but the conditions were such that you could not see them. As we drove, I tried to find a local weather station on the radio, to no avail.
Hope you like it!

for those of you with a little post holiday let down...

2009-01-08T22:50:00.003-05:00

In case you haven't gotten this list in your email, I thought you might appreciate it. I love it. I think I may even have it framed and hung in my bathroom so it is the first thing I see everyday. I'll post a few each day, the list has 34 tips. if anyone knows who wrote this, let me know so that I may give them credit. Until then, thank you whoever you are!
It is called, Tips for an Exceptional, Superb, and Powerful Life...Enjoy!

1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.

3. Always pray and make time to exercise.

4. Spend more time with people over the age of 70 and people under the age of six.

5. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat fewer foods that are manufactured.

6. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat broccoli, almonds and walnuts.

7. Try to make at least three people smile each day. (I love this one, it always make me happy when I do it)

Pretty good stuff eh?

To be continued...

A word

2009-01-06T09:03:00.012-05:00

In 2007 I chose the word strength. Nine days into that year my brother-in-law Paul died suddenly at the age of 43. It required a tremendous amount of strength to get through 2007. I don't believe my picking the word strength was a coincidence. Inexplicably simply thinking of the word "strength" helped me grieve Paul's death. I also began to notice that not only I, but many of Paul's family members stopped saying, have a good day to each other. It was as if we all knew that wasn't likely to happen while feeling heartbroken over so great a loss. Instead we would say to each other, I hope you find some peace today or, have a peaceful day. I remember my mother in law saying that to me one day, "try and have a peaceful day." I actually felt her thoughtful intention by her using the word peace and it helped me immensely. Words have great power. I believe we all have great responsibility when using them. We can hurt or heal every time we speak.
In 2008, I chose the word Peace. Peace became an anchor for me. When things got a little hairy, and boy did they ever, I would consciously put peace before every other thought as being the most important priority in my mind. Focusing on the word peace became a tool that allowed me to remember to do things that would bring me peace, like simple prayer and meditation or getting enough sleep and exercise or even just eating properly. Focusing on peace brought me a type of mindfulness that I found "strengthening". It's funny to me how things have a way of working out. Though I am adding a new word this year, strength and peace will always be a part of my inner vocabulary. I may not speak them much but I will continue to focus on them and remain mindful of them as they nurture my life.
This is the third year I am picking a word. This year I am a little late. I think my word had to find me and I am here to report that, yes, it did! I actually do not have much spiritual insight as to why I picked this word. It is such a practical word, but I definitely feel like it is a word that found me. Perhaps it is the angels again, doing what they do best, whispering in my ear hoping I might "get" something!

This year my word will be... O R G A N I S E

my baby angel may be a little blurry, but she is an angel nonetheless.

Happy New Year!

2009-01-02T10:37:00.005-05:00

and a very belated merry Christmas, Kwanzaa, Boxing day & Happy Hannukah too! Sorry I haven't posted in so long but like everyone else I have been extremely busy. I just wanted to stop in & say hello while I continue to ponder what my new word for this year will be. For the past two years I've gone through a ritual of finding a word that serves as a sort of guide and anchor for the new year. I will post more on this when I figure out what my word will be. Though I feel it is important not to rush such matters, I hope I figure it out soon!
Below is a video so you can see what I have been up too...

I'm the person wearing the hood.

what book are you?

2008-12-16T09:32:00.003-05:00

Remember Clutterquake from yesterday? well, she has another blog I love called Writerquake where she posted this neat quiz. It's only a few questions and it's fun.

Here are my results and funnily when I read them I didn't know what to think other than they must have meant fairies, not ferries! I may be lonely at times but at least I have a sense of humor.
If you take the quiz, please let me know what book you are.

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try
anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent
some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in.
This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely. It's
time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in
ferries.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

sorry it has been so long in between posts...

2008-12-15T09:51:00.007-05:00

time is flying by and this last month has been in a bit of an upheaval since Thanksgiving. My beloved grandmother passed away December 3rd and when I look at today's date I can hardly believe it is the 15th. Grieving has a way of warping time. It slows everything down while at the same time, of course time is still going by. I dedicated a post to my grandma on my Long Island Daily Photo blog about the christening outfit you can see here the day we laid Grandma to rest. Since then I have been concentrating on getting my son through his finals at school and keeping our family on a "normal" schedule. It's hard to keep things in perspective around Christmas time. I think the dilemma is we all want to make sure we show our loved ones how much we care about them by acknowledging them with gifts and such while at the same time one wants to keep the season of giving real.
I came upon the sage advice listed below while visiting Lydia's clutterquake. I wrote the original blogger Buddha of Hollywood, for permission to reprint it here. So thanks Lydia & BoH.

I Hope this helps you, my dear readers, with your holiday time management. It is certainly helping me. here it is:

How to Accomplish More

Also known as the 4D recipe.

It goes like this: Divide, Delegate, Do, Dump.

1) DIVIDE “The universe is made of atoms. If you can move an atom, you can move the universe.” Before starting any task, divide it up in smaller parts – even if you think you can do it all at once.

2) DELEGATE Have some one else do the work for you. A co worker, a professional or specialist, family members, relatives, friends etc.

3) DO If you can’t delegate the work, it is time for you to do it. If it seems too big, complicated or hard to do, go back to steps 1 & 2. If you can’t divide your task in smaller parts and can’t find anybody to delegate, go to step 4.

4) DUMP “The art of winning is the art of managing your loses”. I’ve seen so many people stuck in failed, dysfunctional relationships or dead end jobs, not knowing when and how to quit.

Time is the most valuable asset you have. So, stop wasting time on dead ends and move on to a new task.

This picture was taken at a Grumman's craft show. Go here for the complete story on this photo...unless you've seen it already.

John Lennon, we will never forget you.

2008-12-08T18:39:00.001-05:00

John Lennon is a creative genius who will never be forgotten. This one video has been viewed over 17 million times.

I think I inhaled her...

2008-12-03T10:16:00.001-05:00

is what this sculptor artist said when describing his work.
This man is on a mission. His name is Mr. Willard Wigann and he has tremendous talent and spirit. Wait until you find out how much he sold his entire collection for!

Today is World Aids Day, please click on the video button

2008-12-01T02:01:00.002-05:00

I missed my weight watchers meeting Saturday morning,

2008-11-30T00:00:00.004-05:00

but I did get to go see my grandmother and for today that was more important.
I weighed myself when I woke up & it looks like I stayed the same weight, so that is good, especially after consuming mass quantities of food on Thanksgiving. Though I really didn't completely over do it. My worst offense I think was the eggnog. I love eggnog.
Last week I took the metabolic test my DR prescribed and soon I will find out exactly how many calories I personally need to consume to lose two pounds a week. The test involved my breathing into a tube for ten minutes with a giant clip on my nose to make sure, the technician told me, that I breathe only through my mouth. Supposedly this helps to accurately measure my metabolism.
Last week when I was at my WW meeting I asked if I could recalculate my point allowance, points are what they call calories in weight watchers. I have no idea why WW does this except that maybe it is easier to add them up. So, guess what happened? I found out that I should be eating two less points a day! So there may lie the solution to the weight loss plateau that I've been experiencing. It turns out if you weigh less you should actually eat less. Since I have lost 12 pounds, my points allowance changed. I guess I'll find out for sure if this will finally be the answer to my weight loss plateau the next time I weigh in at WW.
Meanwhile I have to tell you about this tea I finally found. It's called Orange Spice Rooibos Tea. It is completely caffeine free and has a very full bodied flavor. I absolutely love it. Please bear with me while I go off on a little tangent here.
Last summer in the form of a small miracle, I found out I had a dangerous heart arrhythmia. I was very fortunate to have discovered it. Within five days of finding it I was cured of it with amazing medical technology by a DR who has done 20,000 of these procedures. To make a very long story short, I don't know if you remember my story about having to give up caffeine last summer. Well, I never wrote that I had to give it up due to the arrythmia, I just found the whole scenario too overwhelming. I did however write about how much I didn't want too. In case you missed it, you can read about that here if you'd like. In retrospect, I think it was probably good I had the caffeine issue to focus on because the other stuff was way too frightening to think about so giving up the coffee served as a much needed distraction. I found out that decaff still has caffeine in it so for an entire month I wasn't allowed to drink any coffee at all. It nearly ruined my summer. I know... given the circumstances, this may sound pathetic , but I do love a good cup of coffee in the morning.
After I saw the heart specialist for my follow up, he told me I could go back to living the way I did before, but my cardiologist insisted I limit my coffee intake to drinking only decaffeinated. Truthfully I never thought I would be able to have any coffee ever again so this news made me very happy.
So what does this have to do with the Rooibos tea? When I was in the midst of my coffee withdrawal I was looking for a tasty substitute when I read Reluctant Farm Chicks post on Rooibos tea. You can read her post here.
I've been looking for it ever since & I finally found it at Trader Joe's and the added plus is, their brand is organic!
Reluctant Farm Chick is right, it is absolutely delicious. It is so good, my son drinks at least one if not two big mugs of it everyday. According to the info on the box, it is a "powerful antioxidant... high in minerals that may contribute to the maintenance of healthy skin, teeth, bones and metabolic processes". I love finding foods and drink that are both delicious and good for you at the same time. This is what it looks like.

thanks to you reluctant farm chick, I now have finally found a suitable caffeine substitute!

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T09:01:00.004-05:00

Wherever you are & Whatever you are doing today I hope your day is filled with serenity & hope.
With that said, I have been tagged by Tuscaloosa Daily Photo over at my other blog. I thought I would write about it here since my other blog is more of a photo blog. Apparently people in the blogosphere like to tag each other with a sort of theme that the person tagged can respond too. This is the first time I've been tagged so I will do my best.

The rules of this Meme are:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

Six Random Things About Lily Hydrangea:

Lillies and hydrangeas are two of my favorite flowers.
I've been a vegetarian for almost twenty years and the one time I ate bacon (since I've been a veggie) I wound up in the emergency room the morning after. I'm fine now, but I think that coincidence is quite telling.
I've been trying to lose 18 pounds since November 2007, so far I've lost 12.
I'd like to live in Italy for a year or two at some point in my life.
I love swimming in the ocean and feel quite fortunate that I live so close to one so that I can do so every summer.

I believe that world peace begins at home.

Now it's your turn! But don't worry if you don't want to play.
I tag;

My soul sister at Quasi Mom

Bettye at 365 Days in Islip

Barbara over at Life around Levittown

Cynthia over at Muse Swings

Lydia at WriterQuake

Anyone else who would like to play along. Just let me know if you do play, so I can visit you and read what you posted!

Love & Peace,
Lily

2008-11-21T09:21:00.007-05:00

It has been 22 days since I last posted on my weight loss debacle. It's not that I have stopped going to weight watchers, it's just that I was so frustrated after my last DR's visit I thought anything I wrote would be tainted by this frustration.
I purposely schedule a doctors appointment every three months so that she will check my weight. I know this may seem rash but I need all the help I can get. So after taking four weeks to lose 1.8 pounds, I get on the scale the morning of my visit & I discover I gained FIVE pounds!
Yeah, that was a wonderful morning. This was after writing down every single thing I ate, exercising six days a week, I was convinced I was in the groove. To make matters worse, by the time I got to the DR's, the scale said I lost six pounds. I'm sure that extra pound was my clothing.
WHATEVER.
I didn't want the DR to think I was in denial so I showed her my weight watchers record so she could see I actually had been losing weight. Convinced it was my thyroid causing all the melee, she sent me for blood tests. I haven't heard anything from their lab though I am fairly certain that must mean it's normal. Two days later, I lost all of the weight I had gained. My conclusion, it must be hormones. I looked at everything I had eaten before and after the weight gain and there weren't any changes. My eating was consistent as was my exercise. What else could it be? If you are a woman you know how this works.
The good DR is also making me take a metabolic test next Tuesday. Supposedly this new test will measure my metabolism so that I will know exactly how many calories I need. It will also tell me if my metabolism is slow, medium or fast.
I'll keep you posted.
On a positive note I should add that I have found much needed consolation in my little yorkie Priscilla. She is going through a bit of a health crisis due to our recent discovery that she has epilepsy. It's strange how this works but my caring for her helps me keep things in perspective. She has had a few seizures but the medicine is starting to take effect. She started gaining weight because the meds makes her feel hungry. It's hard not to feed her when she is begging for food, especially after everything she has been through. You can see by that last comment where I find my comfort! LOL!
So I make sure I measure everything. I also take her for extra walks. This is good for both of us. Yesterday when I took her to get her blood tested, she actually lost weight which is excellent because a few weeks ago she gained almost two pounds! That is a lot for a dog that weighs just 9 and a half pounds to begin with. I count my blessings every day that she is OK. She means so much to our family.
Look at how adorable she is all curled up here. I love how she lets me cover her in a blanket.

sixteen plus years of memories

2008-11-14T16:26:00.005-05:00

I say plus because the memories started when your mom knew she was expecting you. I'll never forget the first day I knew we were soon to welcome you into our family. I called Bobbi from work. I was working in Macy's Herald Square in the display department and one of the sales people let me borrow the phone. There I stood in the middle of the fine linens department. I knew your mom was to see the DR & she would know that day for sure, what was it going to be, a boy, a girl? Then she would call Bobbi with the news.
Bobbi answered right away when I phoned, "You'll never guess!"
I could hear Bobbi nearly gasping with excitement.
We already knew there would be twins, so I guessed, "a boy and a girl?"
"No", she said, "you are not going to believe it." "OK, just tell me then, I can't take it!", I nearly yelled. For me, the anticipation, the excitement, it was too much to bear. & then Bobbi said it, "One is going to be a girl... and so is the other one!"
Soon after that, through all of your Mom's amazing efforts, she & your Dad brought you home. & we were all doubly blessed. So now I am starting to get very choked up thinking of that day and all the days you have been in our extended family and then I think of how much we love you & how your own family loves you, especially your brother, & your Mom, & your Dad, and of course, Nipper!
So now I just have to remind you of some of my own memories...

Look at how adorable you two are, side by side, celebrating your birthday together.

Do you remember who made this cake for you?

Look at how kind you were to Ian when he was just a baby. You are still so kind to him and he is very lucky.

One Christmas when Aunt Lisa was in town, we had the crazy idea to try and get all the cousins together to take a group photo. As you can see, chaos ensued. Notice Jenna sleeping on the chair in the midst of it all...

Then, desperate for a solution to group you all together, we thought, hey why not stick them all in a crib? Only Jonny could barely hold big Ian & Ian, sensing he was about to be dropped, began to cry...Bobbi tried her best to make him stop...well we got the group photo, sort of.

Remember all of the times we played in our favorite park together? We had lots of happy times there. I remember Jonny alternating between pushing Ian and Tracy. Jonny is such a great big brother, & cousin!

So here you both are today, sixteen years old, well not sixteen in these pictures, but you know what I mean! & our family has never been the same since the day we were all stunned with the wonderful news. How lucky we all are to have you both in our lives, dear, dear girls. You have brought so much joy into all of our hearts and you have done that just by being you! Happy Birthday Tracy & Jenna!

happy anniversary to me!

2008-11-12T22:55:00.010-05:00

I can't believe it has been one year today since I started blogging. I wanted to post something special today to commemorate the occasion so I will leave you with a post about my favorite animals, nudge one & nudge two, my faithful loyal companions.
The way they act, you would think these two are sisters. They love each other very much, but like some sisters I know, they seem to watch each others every move as if to make sure the other one stays in line. Priscilla, the dog, seems to think it's her duty to make sure I let Sylvia, the cat, inside whenever she hears her outside the door. She will bark at the door until I let the cat in and then promptly trot away as if she is thinking, yes, my job is done- your welcome very much.
Priscilla also thinks it's her job to get me to fill up Sylvia's food dish. If I am upstairs she cries until I come down and when I ask her what she wants, she darts her eyes to the cabinet where the cat food is kept and then over to the cat, doing this several times until I get the hint. I kid you not, this is exactly what she does. I know, it's unbelievable, right?
Between the two of them, Sylvia mostly keeps Priscilla in line. She does this by making sure Priscilla doesn't chase any squirrels. If Sylvia catches her chasing the squirrels, she dashes across the yard like a cougar & swipes at her a few times just to let her know those squirrels are not negotiable, at least not unless she isn't too busy sunning herself on the patio.
Sylvia also likes to lie in wait behind the ottoman until innocent Priscilla happens to stroll by only to be jumped over and around by Sylvia the cougar. This sudden movement by Sylvia causes quite the ruckus with lots of very nervous barking and then playful leaping and more half hearted swipes on Sylvia's part. Priscilla seems stunned every time.
Like humans, these two require a lot of attention. As you can see by this photo, they give me a lot of attention too. This is their favorite spot to sit and look at me from. I have never been more stared at in all my life. Notice how they hang out by their food dish & the door. How convenient.
I hope you enjoy visiting here as much as I enjoy posting here. Thank you for reading & leaving your interesting comments. They always make my day. Until next time, Love,
Lily
PS If you enlarge this photo, you can see the contrast in personalities by noticing the look in their eyes.

who wouldn't love this man?

2008-11-11T08:44:00.007-05:00

top ten things I love about my baby...

He is a true artist.

His love of New York and sharing it with me.

His ability to keep a confidence, I have never known him once to be indiscreet. Your secret is always safe with him.

His gentle nature, he would never hurt a fly...literally!

He is always interesting to have a conversation with, he seems to have an unending knowledge on most every subject.

He makes me laugh on a regular basis.

He knows what is important in life.

He takes care of his family.

I love how he shares his cherished childhood memories.

He is such a great Dad, always demonstrating his love for our son.

Have you ever met someone who completely inspired you from the first day you met? For me, that would be my husband. I met this man when I was in high school & we have been friends ever since. He is my hubby and my best friend & I love him. Today happens to be his birthday and if he happens to stop by here today I just wanted him to see I was thinking about him much like I do every day.
Happy birthday dear love of my life!

Barack Obama is our Nintendo 64

2008-11-06T13:30:00.004-05:00

Videogum so appropriately labeled this, "BARACK OBAMA IS OUR NINTENDO 64"
Watch this if you like to laugh.

the slo mo part is especially funny.

Proud to be American

2008-11-05T07:48:00.008-05:00

I hope I am right in assuming that no matter who you voted for, today you are proud to be an American. Just before going to bed last night the news of our President elect Barack Obama forced me back in front of the tele so that I could witness this historical event in real time. I am so glad I did. First there was John McCain's gracious concession speech. This is the part I liked best,

This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight.
I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Senator Obama believes that, too.

But we both recognize that, though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound.

A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters.
America today is a world away from the cruel and frightful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African-American to the presidency of the United States.
Let there be no reason now ... Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the greatest nation on Earth.

Senator Obama has achieved a great thing for himself and for his country. I applaud him for it, and offer him my sincere sympathy that his beloved grandmother did not live to see this day. Though our faith assures us she is at rest in the presence of her creator and so very proud of the good man she helped raise.
Senator Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain.
These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.

I urge all Americans ... I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited.
Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. And please believe me when I say no association has ever meant more to me than that.

please go here to see John McCain's full speech.
I don't think John McCain could have conceded any better than that. McCain's show of unity made me proud to be an American.

And then there was Barack Obama's victory speech. This is the part I liked best,

If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our Founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. (Cheers, applause.)
It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled -- (cheers) -- Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states; we are and always will be the United States of America. (Cheers, applause.)

It's the answer that -- that led those who've been told for so long by so many to be cynical and fearful and doubtful about what we can achieve to put their hands on the arc of history and bend it once more toward the hope of a better day. It's been a long time coming, but tonight, because of what we did on this day, in this election, at this defining moment, change has come to America. (Cheers, applause.)

To read Obama's entire speech, please go here.

I had a feeling Barack would win, but I voiced that opinion only to my son and only because he asked me what I thought. Truthfully, I was afraid to say what I thought out loud. I was afraid that the hope I had in what Barack Obama has been telling us was a false hope, unbelievable to most of America. I was also afraid America would not elect Barack Obama simply because he was an African American. I am so glad I was wrong. I am so glad that the majority of people are not afraid. I also was not prepared for the wellspring of emotions I felt deep inside as I watched history unfold before me. I was not prepared to feel the gratitude in my heart upon seeing the utter joy in the faces of my fellow Americans who happened to be black as they listened to Obama's victory speech. This truly is a victory for all of America. Last night for the first time in a very long time I felt true hope for our country. I felt that despite my lack of hope I was surrounded by people who had great hope, and that is a good thing. We all know change is inevitable, but it also requires courage to change. I think I am finally getting the real meaning behind, "Yes we can."

"The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty, and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew"~Abraham Lincoln

Vote and the coffee is on Starbucks.

2008-11-03T23:12:00.006-05:00

update...My son just heard on the news that Krispy Kreme is giving away star shaped donuts to voters & Ben & Jerry's is giving out free one scoop cones!

Go into Starbucks on November 4th, tell them you voted & they will proudly give you a tall cup of brewed coffee for free!

Thanks Starbucks, Ben & Jerry's & Krispy Kreme!

last Saturday's update...

2008-10-30T10:31:00.004-04:00

Here I am two days away from my next weigh in & I realized I haven't posted about last week yet! I lost .6 pounds again. It sounds like a lot when I put it like that doesn't it? What makes me most happy is that it was the fourth week in a row I actually lost weight, even if it was only a little bit.
1.8 pounds total lost over the last 4 weeks is better than nothing or at least better than gaining. I have to say that writing down exactly what I eat for the last two weeks has been a real eye opener. Every week Weight Watchers give you a journal to record your meals, so it's not exactly new for me except the rather large difference of my deciding to keep track of my moods and how that affects my hunger as well. Sometimes I find I want something to eat but when I identify the fact that I am not really hungry it is much easier to say no to the temptation in my brain. I guess a lot of it is just plain self awareness. I think I have found that keeping a food diary is a good tool in keeping that awareness in the forefront of my mind.
The bad news is last night I went to a "cocktail" party and neglected to bring along my diary! I was quite hungry when I got there, so I'm not sure that would have helped. There were delicious mini spring rolls and crab cakes and all sorts of cheeses and smoked salmon. I did manage to stop myself before I became completely stuffed and switched to several glasses of ice water at the end, so I wasn't a total failure. All this means to me, is that today I have to be extra aware about what I put into my mouth as well as extra active. I can do that.
I think I will also have a large salad for lunch today as well.
Do you believe tomorrow is Halloween? I like these glowing pumpkins even if they are a little fuzzy around the edges.

a good day indeed...

2008-10-26T01:32:00.004-04:00

mainly because my soul sister in law Lisa was born on this day, actually she was born yesterday, but I didn't go to sleep yet so for me it is still today. what can I say about this woman that I haven't already said? Just check out my side bar & click on Quasi-Mom & you will see for yourself what she is made of. One word immediately comes to mind, BRAVE. First, because she had the guts to marry my brother who is very much the dare devil and secondly because she isn't afraid to grow! & she grows with a determined fervor like she is on a mission. She is also really smart so she can do things like apply her growth to areas of her life where she actually changes and improves on it. I say Bravo to you Lisa because you are amazing for always showing such gratitude for your life by your every day actions.
If you have ever read my blog, you have heard me sing her praises before, so let me just say this, Happy Birthday Lisa! I want you to know I call you soul sister because you inspire something in me that I can't really explain too easily and those two words just seem to sum it up. and besides, I love you my dear Lisa! If only you didn't live so far away!

Hope you like my ghost photo...

2008-10-23T23:29:00.006-04:00

please bear with me, I just can't get seem to get enough of Halloween.
I have been wanting to post here so badly since my "one" day of journaling last week. I have so much to tell you. First I want to say the journaling definitely helped. I actually did journal every day this week. Like I thought might happen, I couldn't write it all in this blog, it was just too time consuming. It was hard enough keeping up with it every day, especially when I had to figure out what mood I was in, now that was draining! I did find out one major thing in the process. If I write down what I eat or even what I plan on eating, I will eat less!
Some more good news, when I weighed in at my Weight Watchers meeting last Saturday, I lost .6 pounds. When I am in a negative frame of mind it seems like nothing but when I total up the last three weeks it adds up to 1.2 pounds. Some days I would just love to quit, that would be so easy. But I know I will feel so much better about myself if I just keep moving forward. Besides, it's nice to be able to go clothes shopping again. I can actually find things I like & I'm not grossed out when I look in the mirror in those awful dressing rooms. & even though I only seem to be able to lose a little weight at a time, exercising really helps with how my clothes fit which is a nice feeling. I'm not so uncomfortable anymore. I feel like I am losing inches if not fat!

Journaling moods & foods

2008-10-18T00:28:00.012-04:00

so after much consideration I decided I'd try writing a detailed daily food & MOOD journal. I can't say if I have the fortitude to post it here everyday or not, but below is what I ate on Friday.

6am- really wanted to share those blueberry waffles with my son, they smelled so good! but knew I wasn't really hungry yet so I thought it would be better to wait and drank two large glasses of water instead. I felt energized.

8:30ish- had a cup of decaff coffee with half & half & sugar, enjoyed it immensely, felt the same.

9AM I started feeling hungry so I had an 8oz. glass of milk with a peanut butter Luna bar, sort of ate it on the run.

most of the morning I felt fine, but I did feel nauseous and not quite myself a few times, like I needed to lay down or something. I'm not sure I would have really taken note of this, maybe I would have passed this off had I not been keeping a journal.

1:30ish- ate lunch out, my favorite, 2 eggs over easy with home fries & rye toast & a 4oz. glass of OJ

completely sated and full of energy after enjoying the meal and taking a break with good company.

5:45- ate fresh organic cauliflower, spinach, cucumber, frisee, & romaine salad with lite dressing & a single serving of organic wholewheat spaghetti with organic marinara basil sauce & olive oil.

completely sated, happy, rejuvenated.

6PM-walked for one hour.

9-10PM- 2 cups of sleepy time tea with a small spoon of honey.

Today was a good day food wise. I was in a good mood all day. I hadn't any cravings & I ate reasonably well. & I also drank water all day. Plus, the biggy, I stayed within my weight watcher limits calorie wise. Actually WW refers to calories as points.

Now I'm thinking I'm glad I'm keeping this journal so I can refer back to a good day when things go awry...

Below is a photo of my role model Sylvia, the most patient cat in the entire world.

Blogging for Poverty

2008-10-15T20:57:00.010-04:00

I wish you could truly know how every one's comments about my last post helped me keep things in perspective. Oh, & just in case you haven't been following my story, you may want to start here before reading any further. When I weighed myself this morning the scale read the same as last Saturday and I refuse to get all bent out of shape about it. I am over it. I would love to know for sure what my "real" weight is, but I can wait until Saturday. Besides the whole idea about today's action is so that we can feel good about giving. If I am getting all down on myself because of "whatever", I'm just defeating the purpose. The main thing is to move forward. My beloved soulSis Lisak suggested in her comments, ...why not donate as much as I've lost since I started Weight Watchers, who says you can't?...she wrote. I like that type of thinking Lisak! It seems so obvious now that she mentions it, LOL! Lisa is an amazing power of example of weight loss inspiration. I suggest you click on her name, above in green, if you want to see what she is doing about her weight. Lisa has awesome courage.
& then Muse Swings made me laugh out loud about the air pressure affecting the scales at Weight Watchers. Thanks Muse, you are very encouraging. You also happen to be a very talented woman with a heartfelt blog. I suggest anyone reading this to go check out her recent ghost story posts & she has a really funny one on spitting too. Go here.
And Kitty I have been thinking about your questions since you posted them. You really have given me food for thought...I can't believe I just wrote that, but it's funny so I have to leave it in. The very fact that this is the way I think is so telling. Anyway, Kitty questioned me about eating tremendous amounts of food & not feeling full. That's an interesting question because there have been many times when I have eaten a full well balanced nutritious meal and I wonder why I am still hungry. And then there are other times when after a meal I am completely sated. I definitely think I need to start paying closer attention to what is happening with me. Maybe keeping a detailed food journal will help, like one that includes how sated I am & how I feel energy wise. Kitty also mentioned 5-HTP. I have heard about using this natural remedy for depression, but never as an appetite suppressant. Thanks for including the link Kitty. & if anyone wants to see a portrait of Manhattan in photographs, please go see Kitty's work here.
& my Mom, she pointed out (by telephone) that all my exercise is making my body more muscular and that is why I am probably having problems with the scale. I don't really understand how all that works, but come to think of it, I have heard people run into issues with their weight and exercise. I guess I need to educate myself on that. Thanks Mom.
So here is what I did. I went and got some food over at my local "big box" store and I dropped it off at my local food pantry today. I felt great. It made me think of how my son and I used to do this on a regular basis and I wondered how I got out of that habit and then I remembered I really didn't, I just give money instead. That made me think how that's just not the same, so I think I can do both. I think I can give money and I can easily add a couple extra items in my cart for those in need. I really believe if we all did just a little something we could really make a big difference. Just look at what happened to me, I gave just a little and I feel like I got one hundred times more than I gave. It makes me want to give more. It's funny to me how that works.

This is what I dropped off at the food pantry. I decided to add up the weight of the food just to make sure it was at least 12 pounds. The really weird thing is, it added up to a little over 18 pounds. 18 pounds is my present total weight loss goal. I couldn't even carry it all at once, I had to make two trips from the car to the pantry. It makes me think what that added weight does to my body.
Thank you again my fellow women friends, you really are very caring, encouraging people!

weight loss update

2008-10-14T14:00:00.011-04:00

Last Saturday was a bit disappointing. I had weighed myself before I left for my Weight Watchers meeting and it looked like I had lost 1-2 pounds. When I got to the meeting I found out I only lost a meager .2 pounds! I have no explanation for this, I didn't eat a thing before my meeting & my scale has always read the same as WW's, so I don't know what the deal is. I must be in some sort of unconscious denial because I even felt like I lost weight.
So that must mean I lost about a tablespoon of fat, right?
The other not so good news is Friday was the last time I exercised. I had a bad cold so I just went for a one hour walk. I only ran 6.4 miles last week. I wasn't even close to meeting my 12 mile weekly running goal. I was planning on running Thursday & Saturday but I wasn't planning on being sick. Today I am fine so I will begin again and run some distance to get me back on track.

Tomorrow I will weigh myself again as my way of participating in Blog Action Day for Poverty. I planned on donating a pound of food for every pound I lost since I posted about it on October 7th here on this blog. Though I have to say given the state of poverty in the world, whatever weight in food I wind up giving will be small potatoes compared to how much is needed.

2008 Election-a must see!

2008-10-10T11:00:00.007-04:00

I promise you won't be disappointed!

Please click on the following link for important new information regarding our presidential election.

Click here please.

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves."

2008-10-07T09:44:00.023-04:00

~ William Shakespeare

Now that I have my running goals squared away I feel it is necessary to re-think my weight loss goals. In case you aren't a regular follower of this blog, I started this blog last November two days after I started Weight Watchers. I was simultaneously inspired to do so by Mihow's blog post about losing weight. I also had a writing bug that I needed to attend too so I figured, why not use a blog to journal about my experience? I figured the blog would help enforce a self imposed discipline to write and if I shared my weight loss story, maybe I would inspire others who may in turn help fan my flames of self motivation.
It's not quite 11 months later and I have lost a total of 10.6 pounds of which I am very grateful. I do believe that by this time had I not started some type of program I would probably have gained weight by now instead of losing it. In the last few years that has been the trend as my metabolism is definitely slowing down. So I feel good about what I am doing. Besides, what would be the alternative?
I feel that the big difference about my striving to lose weight this go round is my attitude. I do not plan on quitting until I reach my goal and I become a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. I knew that trying to lose weight for all of the common reasons would not be easy for me. I felt the key to my success would be to keep my program in the forefront of my mind. This has probably been the most difficult part. There are so many other things that are so much more interesting to think about! I have noticed over the past 11 months that it helps me if I continually find ways to keep myself motivated. It seems like now is the perfect time to set some new goals.

Recently I came upon The Blog Action day for Poverty. The idea is that on October 15, 2008 bloggers could each take some sort of action to help fight poverty. It is suggested on the site that if you have a personal blog, you may document a personal activity that is helping the disadvantaged.
It just so happens that Weight Watchers is presently promoting a Lose For Good campaign. For every pound of weight lost by a WW member between September 7th & October 18th Weight Watchers will donate the equivalent of a pound of food up to one million dollars.
I have lost only .4 pounds since it started, so I was thinking I could set a goal in order to get in on both the Blog Action Day for Poverty as well as the Weight Watchers campaign. Including today I have 12 days left, which is almost 2 weeks to lose for the Weight Watchers campaign. WW says if you carefully follow their program you should lose between 1-2 pounds a week. So I am thinking I will set a goal to lose 3.6 more pounds to add to my .4 which would make it a total of four pounds of food that would be donated by WW.
I also decided that I could weigh myself on the 15th for the Blog Action Day for Poverty event and report on my progress. I could also personally donate a pound of food for every pound I've lost to the local food pantry as another action as well.

So these are my new goals. I'm upping the ante a bit with decidedly small milestones. Hopefully this will speed things up for me without my biting off more than I can chew...literally! Then maybe I could help someone else in the process as well and that always feels good.

please click on the banner below for more information.

Poundage lost last Saturday ! Finally...

2008-10-06T09:47:00.005-04:00

though I guess I am exaggerating being that I lost .4 pounds which hardly qualifies as poundage. But hey, when the nice lady at Weight watchers said nice job as I got weighed in on Saturday morning I thought, I'll take it.
Remember my last post when I wrote about my year of running? I think that writing about that helped me re-assess my fitness goals. In reviewing my running journal to get the figures straight I could see how I slacked off on the running last June, July & August. I had good reason to in July & August, I had a bit of a health issue happening that prevented me from running & June was a month filled with one event after another. So yes I had good reasons not to be running but the point is as soon as I got back into it I noticed how I seemed slower & I was wondering why that was. After reviewing my exercise patterns it seems obvious now. I wasn't running as much, so of course I would get slower! Anyway, I've been running steadily again for the last few weeks and I am picking up the speed.
So now that I am back on track I think I do need to set some new goals. I think running 12-15 miles a week would be reasonable. I was proud that I was able to run 259.5 miles last year but when you average it out that is only about 5 miles per week. I did supplement my running with biking and walking and hiking, but I don't get my heart rate up as much and I never sweat as much. I feel that running gives me that extra edge I just don't get from the other exercise. So there it is, my new goal. Last week I ran a little over 12 miles so I've already begun.
Tomorrow I am going to talk about new weight loss goals.

a year ago today...

2008-10-02T09:49:00.006-04:00

I added running to my exercise regime. It was a desperate attempt on my part to try and change my mood. I woke up that day with a dark cloud hanging over me and I wanted it gone. I always heard about the endorphin high people claimed to experience but I just didn't think it was worth all that jarring of the bones. Besides, I enjoyed biking, hiking and almost daily hour long walks. I didn't feel the need to run.
The dark cloud morning came after a reprieve of not having one for awhile. I haven't written about this in a long time but the fact remains that I lost my dear brother-in-law Paul one year and nine months ago. It was such a complete shock. He died suddenly of a massive heart attack. That afternoon he was playing ice-hockey. He was only 43.
So there was a sea of grief that enveloped us all and still does to some extent. I found that losing a family member changed everything. Life as we knew it would never be the same.We all had to find a new way to navigate our days. I am writing we because as a family we are inextricably linked. When Paul died, we all felt it like a painful ripple effect.
So here I am having run 259.5 miles passed that dark cloud morning. I miss my brother-in-law Paul. I think of him everyday. I know he is with us though, watching over all of us. Sometimes I feel his presence when I am running. It feels like he's right behind me, rooting me on.

so the good news is...

2008-09-30T23:29:00.015-04:00

I haven't gained any weight. This is my vain attempt to put a positive spin on the fact that I am not losing any either. I am thinking positive which is a small miracle given my mental state the past few days. Suddenly today, literally like a light bulb turning on, I realized I hadn't exercised since last Friday! ! ! No wonder my mood was declining. I had planned too, it's not like I forgot to do it, but things got in the way, boring excuses you don't want to hear about.
Anyway, as soon as I became aware of this realization, I immediately knew that it was imperative that I go for a run. Not ten minutes into my run, and I know you have heard me say this before, but I still just can not get over how this endorphin thing works, I felt so so good. I felt so good that I started to wonder why everyone doesn't do this. Which brings me to my next topic. Have you ever seen the documentary King Corn?
I am not a self righteous vegetarian. I grew up eating meat. it doesn't disgust me that people eat meat for nourishment. The main reason I share this information is because if anyone truly wants to know why I deprive myself of eating meat, this movie explains it perfectly and unpretentiously by two self professed beef eating men. My interpretation of the movies main message and how that jives with my reasons for giving up meat is as follows, I love animals and I love nature and it just aint natural for us to be growing junk food so we can eat fat disguised as meat. Never mind the whole soda/ liquid candy topic.
I know that seemingly those last two sentences do not make much sense. So let me try & explain it the way the movie does. The majority of corn grown in our state of Iowa is modified to be low in nutrition and high in starch. This serves two purposes, one is for cattle feed and the other is for high fructose corn syrup primarily used to make soda. Our food system with regard to beef production is so completely removed from anything remotely natural.
If you feed this type of corn to a cow in containment, they get fat real quick. Since the rapid weight gain contributes to the cows poor overall health, they are continually kept on antibiotics. The film pointed out that 70% of antibiotics in the U.S. are used on cattle!

I couldn't watch the scene where they discuss what happens to the cows stomachs so I will leave you with how this all relates to my initial "why" question. Well... sort of. Why isn't everyone a vegetarian? or rather, why is the majority of Americans eating this type of meat?
& if you doubt anything I have written here, please see King Corn. Despite the heavy topic it is actually very entertaining.

I never get tired of the city.

2008-09-28T01:22:00.013-04:00

New York City that is. Thursday night we had the chance to go see Willie Nelson in concert at Radio City Music Hall. We decided to take our car in because we thought our son could sleep in the car on the way home so he wouldn't be too tired for school the next day. It turned out to be cheaper & quicker than taking the train because I found a coupon on the Internet. For a mere $10 , we could park our car in a parking garage close to Radio City. That was probably the best bargain I have ever gotten in NYC!The traffic always amazes me when you first drive out of the tunnel into the streets of Manhattan. The other vehicles around you have a tendency to sandwich your car as everyone jockeys for position to get to the street they want to turn on too. It's sick. My son & I always laugh at this point. We are always surprised that we never get side swiped.This is the inside of Radio City from one of the top floors looking down into the Hall's lobby. Here is Willie & Company on stage. Some people say he talks his way through his songs. It isn't the same as listening to his Cd's, that's for sure. But it's wonderful live music, the kind I could listen to forever. Nora Jones even came out to sing with him, which was a real treat.
Go here for more about Willie Nelson. If you click on any of the above pictures, you'll be able to enlarge each photograph for more detail.

2008-09-25T09:52:00.009-04:00

I was listening to Newt Gingrich on the radio yesterday morning and I heard him say that the extreme left want the American people to change their lifestyle by forcing everyone to pay $7 a gallon for gas. Then he went on a rant about how Nancy Pelosi believes she is the planets personal saviour while he thought her job was to help the American people. I was like wait... Wha??? I don't know about you guys, but I just don't get it.
Anyway, I'm not big on political discussions as far as backing up what one political personality says over another but Newt just seems really pissed that God forbid we should rely on anything else other than oil which just seems a tad bit narrow minded in this day and age. Then I came across this site that makes a lot of sense to me. Go here to learn more. See what you think.

I'm worried about my diet

2008-09-23T23:42:00.005-04:00

and I'm not getting enough sleep. I've had to stay awake till midnight last night and tonight & still wake up at 5:50 in the morning. Today I found I kept getting hungry. Thursday and Friday I have to eat out and I'm already dreading it. I better make a plan. I wish I was one of those girls who instinctively knows how to stay thin. You know like Nicole Kidman or Madonna. It just seems built into them not to eat. I can't even imagine what it would be like to be like that. I guess that is part of the problem.
See how I get when I'm sleep deprived? Maybe I'll have a chance to nap tomorrow at some point during the day.

Here is another photo from the secret garden. If you click on it you can see the lovely beauty of all its details. I love this plant. Does anyone know what it is?

running...

2008-09-23T05:00:00.003-04:00

As I began my run last night I felt old and rickety. I felt like I would be lucky if I made it around the block once. By the time I was half way around I kept thinking, just make it around once, that's all you have to do. When I completed the first lap I felt like, hmm... OK, I can definitely do another one. I had a nice tempo going I thought, plus I was sweating and sweating is good. By the third lap, I forgot about my little pep talks and was on to other things like the inspiration I get that seems to pop up out of thin air as I continue running. Everything seems to flow and it's the best feeling. It's not so easy when I first begin but I know by now those endorphins will kick in and if I just stick it out I will feel better shortly. I find it to be the most amazing and rewarding experience. As I was finishing my fourth lap, which is the equivalent of a little over three miles, I felt like I could do a fifth one but I didn't have the time. It was already 6:40 and I needed to get home. Still, it was good to know I felt like I could do it.

I stumbled upon this amazing garden last Sunday at Farmingdale State College. Please click on the photo to get a better view of the lush plantings. If you would like to see another picture from the same garden, go here.

Indian summer picnic

2008-09-22T00:05:00.016-04:00

This is my Indian summer picnic dream, that I would be able to carry my little Yorkie, Priscilla around in my picnic basket, or even better, take her on a picnic with me. Actually, if I could take her with me everywhere I would love that most. But you can see by her actions documented here in time lapse photography that she is not the least bit interested. Well, maybe for a split second or two.
First, Priscilla surveys the situation...

feverishly sniffing the linens she quickly realizes there is nothing of importance in this basket.Priscilla then ponders her next move...

Notice the hairy butt quickly exiting stage left!

Please go here to see what others are bringing to the picnic.
Happy Autumn everyone.

I lost another .5 pounds

2008-09-20T23:50:00.005-04:00

and that's good enough for me right now. Not that I wouldn't like to speed it up though. This is my rigorous week of re-evaluation, so hopefully we'll see a little more of a loss by next Saturday. Right now it's late and I am going to sleep and I will be sleeping in until 8AM to ensure my full 8 hours of sleep. Goodnight, or Good morning...

I love the beach...

Ocean Conservancy's International Coastal Cleanup

2008-09-19T00:00:00.005-04:00

is this Saturday, September 20th. Go here for more information. As I perused their site I came across this page of actions one could take to live more responsibly. There were many that I haven't heard about before that I found very interesting. I think it may be hard to think of trying every single one but I also believe if everyone could at least commit to just one on this list steadfastly, we would see tremendous change. After one new habit becomes a way of life, than you could add another. By modeling this behaviour, young people would see that this is how we care for our planet as well as ourselves and over time things would naturally change for the better concerning our environment. Here are a few:

If you live right on the water, plant a buffer zone of trees, tall grasses, and shrubs to filter runoff and to provide shelter and habitat for turtles, shorebirds, and other animals.

Use less fertilizer. Instead, mulch grass clippings to enrich your lawn and create a compost pile that will provide natural nutrients for your gardens.

Wash your car on the grass, not the driveway. That way, harmful chemicals will be filtered by grass and soil before they reach local waterways, where they can harm delicate aquatic life.

Make sure that construction sites in your neighborhood use silt fences, storm wattles, and other means of keeping sediment and other harmful runoff out of storm drains.

Plant trees. Trees contribute to clean water; they are the oceans' best filters.

This is what I saw today. Beautiful beach and sky, isn't it? Did you happen to notice the can on the shoreline? The trash bins in the second photo were located directly behind where I stood to take this picture. Please click on this to see greater details.

Sylvia is very patient.

2008-09-18T07:31:00.011-04:00

When she saw me coming over to her I could tell she was hoping I would pet her. She starts doing all these flips and rolls and acting really cute as if to say, "pet me, scratch my chin, scratch behind my ears, please." Then Priscilla has to barge in and Sylvia has to make a decision,"Do I want to deal with this one now?"
That is why I think she is so patient because Sylvia totally puts up with her. Well, for the most part anyway. Like the other night when she was up on her hind legs fighting with both paws as Priscilla cowered in the corner, no that wasn't good. I literally had to pull her off of Priscilla. Still, I have to give her credit. I'm pretty sure Sylvia could make mincemeat out of Priss if she truly wanted too.

Sylvia seems to understand Priscilla's nosiness.

Maybe in Sylvia's mind she feels she needs to set boundaries thinking that somehow Priscilla will relent. I think Priscilla instinctively knows when to back off, though I would never underestimate her cunning ways.
Most of the time they peacefully co-exist.

the good news...

2008-09-17T09:19:00.011-04:00

is that I lost 2 pounds. I'm not going to be getting all excited over this because everything depends on how I do the next three days, including today. I was very surprised when I got on the scale this morning because other than walking Priscilla, I didn't get to exercise yesterday. I also only journaled half of my days food intake which included 4 milk chocolate malt balls. Yes, my will was very weak. Though I was keeping track in my head as far as what food I ate, I just couldn't seem to write it down.
Anyway, today I have a better plan that will include a nice long run as well as some possible weight lifting (thanks to Kitty's encouragement) after dinner in the privacy of my living room.

Our cat Sylvia, isn't she pretty?