Another 1.8 lbs. lost last Saturday,

bringing my total loss to 10.6 pounds in 9 weeks. So I am losing a little over a pound a week. I am approximately 1 pound away from 3 years ago when I went to WW for the first & last time & lost 23 pounds. Fortunately I never gained all of the 23 pounds back. But I don't like to talk about this too much for fear I'll jinx myself. Watch...now I won't lose another pound for the next three weeks.

I feel I must risk that though for the sake of my dear readers who may have any real interest in the true story of how exactly I am losing weight. Obviously I am going to Weight Watchers once a week, which is a first step. Though I have to say it is only a first step in terms of reaching out for help. Two days before I started WW was when I really began this journey, that was when I saw my DR after not wanting too- after putting it off for almost 2 months. I was scared to go. I knew I hadn't lost the weight we talked about. In fact I gained at least three pounds. So in effect, fear & courage was probably my greatest motivator. After seeing the DR & realizing my blood pressure wasn't high enough to medicate at 140/85, I felt like I had a second chance to make things right. I also didn't want to feel so scared & powerless again. It's not that I think I can control outcomes-I don't. Though I do believe I can control my actions. I can make better choices. I can consciously do the next right thing. I can stop doing the same old thing expecting different results.

When I first started this blog, my first post was all about not wanting to go back to WW. I felt like it didn't work for me in the end. I felt like I had hit a plateau & I just wasn't losing anymore, so why spend the money? What really happened was I just made a decision that I really can't explain. As frustrated as I was during that time, I can put my past experience with WW to good use now. Three things come to mind. First, I refuse to adopt the merde attitude I had during my last months in WW. At times I find myself thinking, what was with that? I mean I am just about a pound away from that original 23 lost & how could I just not be grateful? Why didn't I just up the ante back then, do more exercise, switch my foods around, go to more meetings-whatever. But we all know woulda, shoulda, coulda doesn't help things. Besides, what about today? That is all any of us really have.

So secondly, that is what I am doing now, concentrating on the day at hand, being present, living as a conscious human, listening to my higher power & my angels whispering me direction-that voice in my head that says what the right thing is to do & then actually doing it. Sometimes I get afraid that I won't be able to complete my weight loss & actually lose all of the weight I need to lose. So far, the minute those thoughts enter my mind I stop myself from thinking them. I just do not want to go there anymore.

Thirdly, attending WW meetings helps me tremendously. Instead of focusing on how WW didn't work in the past I decided to take my husbands suggestion & concentrate on how WW could help me now. One thing I decided to do was to try a new leader. My last leader was OK but I thought a different one might make a difference. This means I have to drive 4 miles to my meeting rather than just walk around the corner, but it is so worth it. I now have a great motivating leader. She walks the talk, she is very funny & I have noticed that she talks about behaviour even more than food. She isn't afraid to get the group to share their feelings & show us how to change our thinking. I get a lot of support & encouragement hearing my leaders & other peoples stories about the positive changes they are making in their lives.

"We heal through loving connection. Every time we're hurt or feel like we can't go on, it's someone reaching out and connecting that makes the difference. And love-no matter how it's offered or when it comes-can build a bridge to something better." -Oprah.

I happened to read this last weekend & though Oprah's article was on an entirely different subject, it made me think of how when I ask for help it is given & how that helping hand really does act like a bridge enabling me to cross over whatever challenge, great or small I may be facing at the time. In my case I am healing the part of me that needs to take care of myself.

Lord, thank you for giving me the help I need to carry me through my life.