I've sunk to a new low...

I've gained four pounds in the last two weeks, not exactly the low I was hoping for. The really rotten thing about this is the fact that as of today I have officially gained back all of the weight I have lost since I have started this second stint at WW not quite two years ago. All FOURTEEN pounds of it, how sad is that? That is more than my dog Priscilla weighs. & she gets awfully heavy if you carry her around for more than five minutes.
miss Priscilla, please click on photo to see her cuteness up close

The other twelve I have managed to keep off (thank the good Lord) since I originally began WW, I'm guessing that was four or five years ago.

I warned the woman who weighed me this morning that I thought I'd gained some weight this week. I could tell by the look on her face after she weighed me that it wasn't going to be pretty. Arrgh! what the hell am I doing? why can't I stay focused with my food plan? Seriously, I am not getting any younger. I wonder if I am just destined to be 20 pounds overweight the rest of my life.
It doesn't seem like Weight Watchers is working for me. Then I wonder if I am just not working Weight Watchers.
I am also wondering if I should quit this program. Then I think about how whenever I skip a week of getting weighed at WW I always gain weight. It's as if I need to be accountable to someone, I need to be honest about what is going on with regard to my weight or I'll just keep gaining. This never used to be the case with me. In the past, whenever I put on a few pounds I used too focus on whatever made me happy in life and bump up the exercise and I would start to fit into my clothes better. I never used to weigh myself either.
Would I keep spiraling down if I stopped Weight Watchers, or is it possible I could still do it on my own?

For today I've decided it is very important to me to lose this extra baggage that I feel has been weighing me down.
For those of you who question my weight loss ambitions please know I'm not exactly miserable, I just remember what it was like not having the extra weight on my body. I was much more comfortable.
Somewhere along the way I've lost the knack for maintaining a healthy body weight. I write about it here as I try and figure out how to get that balance back.
I miss running faster, waking up easier, having more energy, and I remember noticing big improvements in all three of those areas when I was 14 pounds lighter.

Please vote in my poll as to whether or not you think I should stay in WW. It's over on my sidebar to your right.
Some good news, I've been exercising a lot. I jogged 3 miles the other day and I felt great afterwards.

weight loss update

Remember when I made the decision about using the weight ticker to report on my weight when I gain? This morning I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and found out I lost 2.2 pounds this week. I was pretty happy since I diligently spent time keeping a food journal. I usually write down what I eat every week at least a few days but this week I wrote down what I ate every day. I remember when I first started Weight Watchers the weeks I religiously kept a food journal are the weeks I always lost weight.
Excited about my loss, I got home and prepared to move the slider thingy on the above weight loss ticker only to find out those 2.2 pounds I lost apparently had been gained back sometime during the last few months and I never recorded those pounds on my ticker! So, officially I still have 15 pounds to lose!
Whatever... I am still happy about my success. It always feels good to be back on track and actually succeeding.
It's not that I stopped going to meetings, I go every single week. I'm convinced that accountability keeps me from gaining my weight back, with the exception of one or two pounds of course!
I just haven't been reporting about it here which I would really love to change. In fact, I would love to report about actually being consistently successful at losing weight. I think that would be even more fun.
The truth is, sometimes I secretly think I can't do it. I say secretly because I don't like to think negative thoughts, in fact I am against thinking that way so I keep those thoughts to myself as I actively try and push them from my mind denying those feelings as if they don't exist.
I guess I just changed that by sharing those thoughts on my blog! LOL! Ahhh, that feels so much better! ...deep, deep cleansing breath.
Not to be perverse, but I had to include a photo of this luscious cake we had last week when we celebrated my brother-in-law Danny's 50th birthday. The chocolate was divine, the cake itself yellow and the filling was cannoli. It was like a meal. I enjoyed just ONE piece & I had it with non-diet ginger ale, a perfect accompaniment if I do say so myself!
and I still lost 2.2 pounds. I just made sure everything else I ate that day was highly nutritious and I also made sure to go for a bike ride when I got home.
This is exactly how I want to enjoy my life celebrating over cake yet still taking care of myself.

notice the ticker changed?

Yay! I finally lost two pounds. It took me four weeks. I'll take the loss. I look at it this way, if I lose 2 pounds a month for the next year that would equal 24 pounds. So yeah, I'll take it. Losing any amount of poundage is always better than gaining.
I have been doing so much better paying attention to my well being lately. I feel good. & I hope you're feeling good too.Isn't this the coolest bracelet? When I lose 10 more pounds I am going to buy myself something like this to celebrate.

Yay, I lost a pound!

Despite my failing to control my appetite as much as I should have, the ticker is once again moving in the right direction. I was afraid to get weighed today for fear I gained, but it seems to be the only way I can stick to my weight loss program so I showed up at my Weight Watchers meeting this morning & I am glad I did. Of course the whole way there I had a running dialogue with myself about how I should just go ahead & quit WW. In retrospect it is a wonder I ever lose any weight at all with the way I think most of the time. I was surprised and very grateful I lost weight. It's just a pound, but I'll take it.

Notice I am now passed my halfway mark. I am guessing the exercise I did this week helped as well as making sure I got enough sleep. That seems to really help with my sugar cravings. I was still quite hungry, constantly wanting to eat, so this week my goal is to make sure I drink at least 8 glasses of water every day. I have read that sometimes when you don't get enough fluids your body acts like it is hungry when it actually just needs water. I know it's just basic stuff but like all these tips & guidelines they can be hard to remember on a daily basis especially when you are busy doing other things all day. It's so easy to fall back into old habits, like thinking, "let me just grab this piece of ...CHOCOLATE!" Well, at least I make sure it's the dark chocolate. Did you know dark chocolate has iron in it?
I will do better this week. That is my mantra for the week. I WILL do better!

interesting art seen at the APW gallery Long Island City
click on image to see meaningful quotes in artwork up close

In response to a lovely readers question...

Anonymous asked;
Have you ever given thought to seeing a nutritionist? Do you know of a reputable one? What do you think about that possibility? xxxxx


I actually took a class in nutrition with the wonderful nutritional warrior Christopher D'Orta. It's sort of a hobby of mine. My interest in healthy eating is what led me to become a vegetarian years ago. & that is not to say I think meat is horribly bad. There are just so many issues surrounding how animals are raised & fed & whatnot. Nowadays people have better choices as far as organic meats & such but I figure if I started eating meat again, than I'd have two vices to deal with, red meat & sugar!
I think my tendency to overeat will always be there. I love food.
& I have noticed the older I get the more important it seems to be to eat a well balanced diet. So I do that on a daily basis. But I do have a hard time with sugar when I don't get enough rest. So I am concentrating on getting enough sleep lately & it seems to be helping.
Also, if you are interested in reading any of my back posts, it turns out I have a high metabolism, so it is also important that I eat enough calories per day as well. That was quite a problem when I was restricting calories earlier in the year.
So between my overeating, under eating & love of sweets, I have my hands full. I also find it a big challenge to stay motivated. Writing about it helps quite a bit. People who visit here are very encouraging.
Thankfully I'm moving in the right direction!

Finally a loss!

Saturday morning I was sure I had gained a pound. I couldn't get to my weight watchers meeting until later in the morning so I didn't want to eat fearing I'd gain 1 or 2 pounds of water weight that I have a tendency to gain as the day progresses. I was so tempted to skip the meeting entirely, but I knew if I did it would just make matters worse. My WW leader helps me stay on track. After I took care of my early morning errands, I finally got to the meeting anticipating the worst. I thought how great it would be if I could at least stay the same weight. Needless to say when the nice lady said I was down .2 I almost started to cry. I don't think I've ever been been so happy to lose so little. Sometimes I am amazed to find out how little it takes to make me happy. I wonder if that is part of my problem? I am starting to think I need to work this program a tad bit differently. I am starting to think I am settling. I think I need to change my approach. I'll keep you posted.

Priscilla after a bath. Isn't she adorable?

a few thoughts

please click on this photo to see more wondrous detail.
This photo was taken on the roof garden at The Met last Friday evening. What a happening scene they got going on there. The featured artist is Jeff Koons who never disappoints. It's a great way to spend a summer evening. If you have the opportunity, go check it out.

On another topic entirely,I forgot to mention in my Saturday report about how I really did not want to go to my Weight Watchers meeting that morning. I actually thought I gained weight. I felt bloated and dreaded the idea that I may have had a setback. I just wanted to share a few thoughts on this. The main reason I decided to go to the meeting is because I know that when I do, those are the weeks I will lose weight. Sometimes I lose weight when I skip a meeting and that's great, but the days where I feel like I'm not getting anywhere are the most crucial times for me not to give up. That is when I need the most encouragement. If I wait until the next meeting thinking I will feel better if I go having actually lost some weight, than I am missing the point of the meetings entirely. The meetings are there to help and that's what I am supposed to be using them for. Given the fact that I felt like I had gained when I actually lost weight this last Saturday shows me what a mind game it all is anyway. I remind myself that I don't have to analyze it to death. I just need to know that feelings aren't facts. I do think it's good to recognize my feelings. I can acknowledge them without having them get in the way of my goal. I notice when I live consciously I am less likely to look to food for comfort, so that is good. Because I love food and I love to enjoy it in all its diversity, I don't want to miss out on its nourishing aspects by using it as a drug.

What are sea veggies anyway?

My first thought that came to mind was, why seaweed of course! Truth be told I know there is so much more out there about sea veggies that I have no knowledge of. So I did a quick search and came up with some interesting info from Dr. Weil. Go here if you would like to know more about sea veggies. I hope you find this article to be as informative as I have.
The information I found most exciting is the recipe Dr. Weill posted called a DLT sandwich, the vegan alternative to the BLT. The idea is to replace the bacon with dulse that is quickly sauteed in olive oil. I've been a vegetarian for at least 17 years & I do miss my BLT's, though not how I felt after I ate them! So I will definitely be willing to try this.
Besides according to the good DR, seaweed is packed with vitamins A, C, E, B complex and B12, calcium, potassium and iron. Sounds like a no brainer to me.

Have any of you tried sea veggies before? What have your experiences been like?

Speaking of the sea and all of its veggies. Here is a photo of the road I travel on when I go to the beach. Notice how different the terrain is around the ocean. Pretty cool huh?

It's Saturday and you know what that means...

once again I found it quite difficult to attend my 7AM weight watchers meeting. I was convinced that I hadn't lost any weight & when I weighed myself before I left it looked like I had actually gained! I thought about not going and then I realized if I didn't I wouldn't have my journal for the week & that wouldn't be good. I need to write down what I am eating. Doing that and going to meetings seem to be what works for me. When I do those things those are the weeks when I am most successful. Plus I had to be at the car repair shop by 8AM & when I thought about going to take care of my car before taking care of myself that stopped me dead in my tracks. I realized how bad that would make me feel, sort of like a martyr. I can't go to my weight watchers meeting, I have to get my car fixed! Then I would be sitting there at the repair shop all like, see, this is why I can't lose weight, I have to do this & this & this. Then I suddenly realized how much I've changed. The same old story doesn't fly with me anymore. I could easily go to my meeting and drop the car afterwards. If I nurture my weight loss goal by going to my meeting, I would feel great no matter what the scale says.
That didn't stop me from thinking if I just joined the gym it would be four dollars less a month than what I am paying for my WW meetings. I was thinking this when I got out of my car in the parking lot before going inside to get weighed. Just as quickly I knew though, I have to do this. I need to reach my goal no matter how long it takes. I don't want to be overweight the rest of my life. I don't want all of the added health problems that accompany too much weight on my bones. If I have to continue to go to my WW meetings in order to succeed, that is a pretty small price to pay.
So I get on the scale and when the WW woman pulled out the little shelf, for the first time I could actually see the number on the scale. Now this is how sick I am. I look at the number and I automatically think I gained weight.
Then the nice WW lady says, "down point six." So I lost weight! I lost a little over half a pound. What? I lost? I don't know... sometimes I think I am a lost cause, I mean really, for someone like myself who thinks I am the most positive person I can be a real downer when it comes to my own stuff.
So I have decided this week I have committed to believing I am going to lose weight this week. And I am going to go out on a limb here and say I believe I am going to lose two pounds this week, maybe even three! I'm going to make little signs and post them up everywhere in my house with this proclamation so that I will remember each day throughout this week what my mission is. I'm also going to take out the fat picture of me in my bathing suit from last summer and put that where I can see it as well.
I'll keep you posted!

"In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can."~Michael Korda

"One touch of nature makes the whole world kin."-Shakespeare

Saturday morning I found out I lost 2.4 pounds. So I didn't lose the three I thought I had at the beginning of the week. Actually I did lose it last Monday, I just found some of it back. Three would have been nice, but I am grateful I lost 2.4.

In less than two weeks I have to see the DR & I would love to be 4 more pounds lighter when I see her. I am going to have to up the ante a bit I think.

Last week I committed to exercising everyday, juicing & joining the gym. I actually didn't exercise until Wednesday which only left me three days of that week to exercise. So Wednesday & Thursday I ran 3.2 miles & Friday I walked for 50 minutes. I never juiced, but I do have the organic celery, carrots, parsley and apples waiting in the fridge. I also didn't join the gym. I know I can juice and exercise today. I also may be able to check out the gym. I guess it is always good to set goals because inevitably I will wind up doing something and something is always better than nothing. I have to focus on my progress. It's OK to be honest with myself seeing what I didn't do, but I can't let that cloud my thinking. I don't seem to get very far thinking like the perfectionist I once was.

I like to volunteer to bring either the fruit salad or the green salad whenever I am invited to a food gathering. This way I get to use as many organic ingredients that I can. Consuming organic ingredients is a small step all of us can take to insure better health for ourselves as well as the planet. Besides, those organic strawberries here in this salad tasted far superior than any I have tasted this season by far! Go here if you would like to know more about the consequences of pesticide use. I can't imagine how boring life would be without birds in my yard.

We do not use any toxic substances on our property. We can't control other people's actions, but we can start with ourselves and in doing so I believe each of us can make a difference to help ourselves and our beloved planet.

I like to think my family and I are providing a sanctuary for all of the animals that come to visit here or make it their home. Sometimes when I am outside in my garden I feel like I'm in a jungle as I listen to nature's music. I also welcome the busy flying back and forth of the birds across the lawn from one tree to the next. I find my garden a complete respite for my mind.

losing weight 3 weeks in a row!!!

Dare I say I think I am getting my mojo back? Certain people I live with may think I am jinxing myself. I have to be optimistic though because losing weight is a huge challenge! So I am celebrating. When I got on the scale I thought for sure it would be another .6 or .4 loss so when the person that was weighing me said," down 1.2 "-to say I was ecstatic is putting it mildly. An added bonus was I impressed my husband & he's not an easy person to impress. I've noticed people who grow up with more than 2 other siblings tend to be like that and my husband has seven.
The topic of today's meeting was exercise. My poor WW leader, she is so great- very inspiring but people just weren't responding like usual this morning. Maybe because it was 7AM on a Saturday morning. We had a few laughs though. She is very funny.

On a sad note a woman talked about her week & said her husband had just had a heart attack & is in the hospital. I have to bring this up because he really is lucky to be alive. Maybe by sharing this story someone reading this may realize they should get to the DR too. The man had been sweating & feeling like his heart was coming out of his chest. He laid down for a while & started feeling better. A few hours later the same thing happened again. Then he went to work. His boss told him to go home & called his wife telling her she better take him to the hospital. The wife said if he didn't get in the car she would be calling an ambulance. Please say a prayer for him and his family. This story makes me think about how difficult it can be to take care of ourselves-like exercising.
looking at the fallen petals of the Star Magnolia tree lying on the ground made me think of the weight I envision falling off of me. I think I have to love all of me- like I love these petals- before I can let go of the weight. Then I feel it may just fall away.



I like exercise so it's not hard for me to do it but I know that is not the case for most people. My leader said we should never say we hate exercising even if we do because then we are programing ourselves to fail. If we talk about loving food so much & hating exercise she asked us what we thought our fate might be? I love both so maybe I'll just be happy.

"You have to make sure that you're doing more things in life that make you happy-because when you're happy you are less likely to overeat."-Eileen, my weight watchers leader

"Nothing would be more tiresome than eating and drinking if God had not made them a pleasure as well as a necessity."-Voltaire

Today marks my second week of weight loss in a row at my weight watchers meeting early this morning. Last week I lost .4 pounds. This week I lost .6 pounds. I like putting the word pounds after the number-it's like looking at the glass half full. Truthfully I was expecting a little more loss this week. I was so good filling out my food journal accurately & exercising regularly so I expected one or two pounds lost. It's OK though. Any weight loss is always good & always better than a gain.
I wake up at 6AM everyday for various reasons. On Saturday morning I get up at 6AM just for me. There is something so empowering about that. Maybe it's because I feel like I am being my own best friend by doing something positive for myself. I often hear people talk about getting up at five AM to go to the gym to make sure they get their exercise done. I use to think they were crazy. Now I think I can understand why they do it.
I heard someone at my meeting tell a story about her friend telling her she eats to live. What a positive spin to put on a good reason to eat healthy and moderately. I love food & I love eating healthy quality foods so I think I have an advantage when it comes to making good food choices. This is my strength and I have to recognize it to continue to empower myself-especially when my weaknesses surface. Weight Watchers has been a great way for me to retrain myself to take better care of myself. My WW leader talks about changing our behaviours. She also says it's not about the food. When someone shared about how she didn't do so hot this week telling us all about the foods she overate, our leader stopped her & asked her to tell the same story again but leave out all the parts about the food.
Sitting there taking this all in I noticed a poster with a diagram showing a four way approach.

• Eat wisely
• Think first
• Move more
• Attend weekly meetings

This makes a lot of sense. This week I have committed to working out everyday & making sure I eat 5 servings of fruit & vegetables. I'll keep you posted!

10 Steps to success

Oh how I did not want to go to my weight watchers meeting this last Saturday morning! I was dreading it feeling like I had gained back weight & I was afraid to find out exactly how much. What was the alternative I pondered as I reluctantly drove to my meeting ? If I stayed home & tried to lose whatever I gained (& maybe a pound more) I wouldn't get this weeks journal to keep my food diary in plus I wouldn't get to hear some inspiring words from my inspiring leader to help carry me through my week. Thinking this would not be good for me as well as only perpetuate my spiral down into failure- I thought I best go. So I did. Besides those fantasy days of quick weight loss are so over for me. I never lost weight quickly & thinking I ever would is just completely unrealistic & it's not even healthy anyway. So why go there?

Of course I am glad I did go to my meeting. It wasn't the best feeling in the world when I got off of the scale & the WW woman didn't say a word as she affixed my weight onto my small booklet that shows my progress- or in my case my lack of progress. I actually regressed. I gained back 1.4 pounds.

If you remember I was away last weekend living the high life in upstate NY. So I also missed my WW meeting last weekend too. I should also mention that the week before that, I gained back .6 pounds & the week before that I gained back .8 pounds bringing my grand total of weight gain to a whopping 2.8 pounds! In fact the last time I actually lost any weight was on January 12 when I lost 1.8 pounds.

The topper of the morning meeting was that as soon as I sat down my leader said "If you do something for 21 days it is no longer a habit-it becomes an instinct so if you do not continue to do it you don't feel right."

I found myself thinking, "Hmm...wasn't my last post all about committing to a goal for 21 days ?" I find that when I keep hearing the same thing over & over in a short span of time I am being sent a special message designed for me so that I will actually hear it & perhaps act on it. Especially if it's something unusual like breaking bad habits in 21 days. I always thought it would take at least 90.

So what have I learned? I have learned to:

• Acknowledge & appreciate the positive past


• Use positive self talk


• Acknowledge & build on my strengths


• Clarify my vision & my purpose


• Set measurable goals & objectives

These are the first five of 10 steps to success my WW leader shared with us last Saturday. The first step has special meaning for me because I have found if I do not acknowledge my successes I tend to spiral down into negative thinking which doesn't help me at all. So this week my goal is to carry these first five steps around with me as I go about my business of being a success. I am also keeping an accurate food journal. I am exercising everyday & I am drinking the proper amount of water I need too. I am also taking all of my vitamins & making sure I get enough sleep. The weeks when I have followed these guidelines are the weeks when I have felt great even if I only lost .2 pounds.

A dream is a goal with a deadline- author unknown

Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom

This is one of my all time favorite reference books. It is written by Christiane Northrup, M.D. It has just been newly updated & revised in paperback.
Open this book at any page & you will be sure to find some valuable piece of information about how to take care of yourself as a woman. What I love about this book is that Dr. Northrup holistically addresses the mind body connection when it comes to women's emotional issues & their physical health. As you read this book you will find multiple resources & tools that you can use to empower yourself by taking positive steps in healing your body, mind & spirit.

If you have the time she will also be on Oprah January 17th, 2008. Check her out.

Another 1.8 lbs. lost last Saturday,

bringing my total loss to 10.6 pounds in 9 weeks. So I am losing a little over a pound a week. I am approximately 1 pound away from 3 years ago when I went to WW for the first & last time & lost 23 pounds. Fortunately I never gained all of the 23 pounds back. But I don't like to talk about this too much for fear I'll jinx myself. Watch...now I won't lose another pound for the next three weeks.

I feel I must risk that though for the sake of my dear readers who may have any real interest in the true story of how exactly I am losing weight. Obviously I am going to Weight Watchers once a week, which is a first step. Though I have to say it is only a first step in terms of reaching out for help. Two days before I started WW was when I really began this journey, that was when I saw my DR after not wanting too- after putting it off for almost 2 months. I was scared to go. I knew I hadn't lost the weight we talked about. In fact I gained at least three pounds. So in effect, fear & courage was probably my greatest motivator. After seeing the DR & realizing my blood pressure wasn't high enough to medicate at 140/85, I felt like I had a second chance to make things right. I also didn't want to feel so scared & powerless again. It's not that I think I can control outcomes-I don't. Though I do believe I can control my actions. I can make better choices. I can consciously do the next right thing. I can stop doing the same old thing expecting different results.

When I first started this blog, my first post was all about not wanting to go back to WW. I felt like it didn't work for me in the end. I felt like I had hit a plateau & I just wasn't losing anymore, so why spend the money? What really happened was I just made a decision that I really can't explain. As frustrated as I was during that time, I can put my past experience with WW to good use now. Three things come to mind. First, I refuse to adopt the merde attitude I had during my last months in WW. At times I find myself thinking, what was with that? I mean I am just about a pound away from that original 23 lost & how could I just not be grateful? Why didn't I just up the ante back then, do more exercise, switch my foods around, go to more meetings-whatever. But we all know woulda, shoulda, coulda doesn't help things. Besides, what about today? That is all any of us really have.

So secondly, that is what I am doing now, concentrating on the day at hand, being present, living as a conscious human, listening to my higher power & my angels whispering me direction-that voice in my head that says what the right thing is to do & then actually doing it. Sometimes I get afraid that I won't be able to complete my weight loss & actually lose all of the weight I need to lose. So far, the minute those thoughts enter my mind I stop myself from thinking them. I just do not want to go there anymore.

Thirdly, attending WW meetings helps me tremendously. Instead of focusing on how WW didn't work in the past I decided to take my husbands suggestion & concentrate on how WW could help me now. One thing I decided to do was to try a new leader. My last leader was OK but I thought a different one might make a difference. This means I have to drive 4 miles to my meeting rather than just walk around the corner, but it is so worth it. I now have a great motivating leader. She walks the talk, she is very funny & I have noticed that she talks about behaviour even more than food. She isn't afraid to get the group to share their feelings & show us how to change our thinking. I get a lot of support & encouragement hearing my leaders & other peoples stories about the positive changes they are making in their lives.

"We heal through loving connection. Every time we're hurt or feel like we can't go on, it's someone reaching out and connecting that makes the difference. And love-no matter how it's offered or when it comes-can build a bridge to something better." -Oprah.

I happened to read this last weekend & though Oprah's article was on an entirely different subject, it made me think of how when I ask for help it is given & how that helping hand really does act like a bridge enabling me to cross over whatever challenge, great or small I may be facing at the time. In my case I am healing the part of me that needs to take care of myself.

Lord, thank you for giving me the help I need to carry me through my life.

"A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." -Confucius

Not one pound

Not two pounds

Nor three

or even four.

Not five pounds

or six pounds

or seven pounds

but 8 pounds & more!

I'm saying goodbye to 8.8 pounds of first quality sweet cream butter baby!
So after 3 weeks of just maintaining my weight loss, I have finally lost some more poundage! 3 whole pounds to be exact, bringing my total weight loss to 8.8lbs. in a period of 8 weeks.

At my WW meeting this morning my leader asked us what we could do to help ourselves. A lot of the people there were talking about just not having the time they needed to devote themselves to sticking to the program. She told the oxygen story about being on a plane & how it was crucial to put the mask on yourself before helping your child. I shared with the group how awhile back someone suggested to me not to do anything for anyone that they can do for themselves. I believe most women are in the habit of doing for others & it really is a good thing in many ways-it only gets bad for me when it is at the expense of myself. The cool thing about not overdoing for others is that it teaches them to do for themselves, freeing up time for me, empowering them & probably most importantly giving myself some love. If I love myself I think I am showing God how much I appreciate my life.


Thank you God for helping me grow in love.

I owe it all to Sylvia...

Saturday morning was not a good morning for me when I woke up at 6AM for my weight watchers meeting. I was still very tired when the alarm went off & wanted nothing more than to sleep. Only I thought if I did go back to sleep & I didn't in fact lose any weight last week & didn't find out exactly what my weight was at the meeting, then I most likely wouldn't do well this week. So with that thought in mind, I was motivated to brave the cold winter like morning.

Actually, that's not really how I got to the meeting. I truly did think all of those smart thoughts but I was still thinking of going back to bed anyway...until I remembered the cat was out all night & I started to worry she was frozen. By the time I let her in & fed her, there was no turning back. Even after Sylvia threw up all the breakfast she inhaled-like she hadn't eaten in days. I wish I could say it was the cold that made her eat like that, but sometimes she does the same thing in the summer too.

So off I drove, hoping & praying for a one pound loss or a zero gain at the least, & guess what?

I lost 2 pounds! I was so surprised, ( & happy) I asked the lady who weighed me if she was sure she read the numbers right. I had one bad day last week where I didn't write all my food down & I felt very bloated so it just didn't seem likely to me that I could have felt like that & still have lost weight. I am now a total of 5.8 pounds lighter. & thankfully I have been measuring myself so I can also say I have lost a total of 8 inches.

Thank you God for gracing us with Sylvia. I need all the grace I can get.

"We know what we are, but know not what we may become."

The timeless Shakespeare says it all.
So I didn't get to go to weight watchers Saturday to find out my weight loss for the week. Have you ever been sick enough where you slept in your bed an entire day? This has only happened to me a handful of times throughout my adult life. It is almost liberating in a strange way because when you are sick there isn't anything you can do about it but wait until you get better.

Thanksgiving wasn't easy. So I am definitely glad I prepared for it. All week I saved as many of my "extra" calories as I could. WW gives you 35 points or approximately 2100 calories "extra" a week to play around with. You use these when you know you may need to eat more, like at a wedding or holiday or just because you can't resist one more temptation. You can eat these calories all in one day or spread them out over the week. The extra points act like a safety net.

I had about 20 extra points by the time Thanksgiving came. So my allotment for the day was 55 points or approximately 3300 calories. I decided I would have a healthy breakfast of coffee to get me started & lots of water. Oh yeah, & I had some ziti while I was cooking in the morning. I didn't eat again until 2PM when I had 2 pieces of cheese & a cracker. Then I made sure to bring shrimp over to my brothers so I could eat something high in protein with few calories. I didn't count calories but I am pretty sure I didn't go over my 3300. I think since I have been eating less I am not used to eating a lot because I've noticed I get fuller faster-which I love.

The good news is that I know I have lost weight-at least another pound if not more. I've also lost 5 & 3/4 inches since I have begun my mission. One of those inches were from my waist. According to DR Oz, a womans waist should be no more than 35 inches. I have a way to go but I now have one less inch to worry about.

I will be eating at a NYC diner tonight so I have to go find out how many calories grilled cheese on rye with tomatoe is.

.4, not 4 pounds less this morning at 6:45AM

& this is why I woke up at 6AM on a Saturday morning-to find out I lost a whopping .4 pounds. Ugh ! After all that dieting & running & walking & stretching & cleaning the house...& then to tell my husband to which he replied,"Wait, what? .4, you mean not even half a pound? But you know he is always so reassuring, like when he said, "At least you can write about it on your blog."

It still is a quarter of a pound & if I add that to the .6 I lost the day before I started weight watchers, I have lost an entire pound in 8 days. It's just not going to be like the old days when I could drop 5 lbs. in three days. It doesn't matter that I never dieted when I was younger & that I'd notice my jeans got tight & then 3 days later they wouldn't be tight anymore & I barely even thought about it or much less tried. What matters is today. Maybe if I really struggle over this weight loss I'll do so much better in the long run-like I've bottomed out so badly the only way I can go is up & when I lose .2 pounds next week I'll still be grateful knowing all this.

Yeah, right.

Truthfully though, when I got to my meeting this morning I had a feeling I didn't lose any weight. & I didn't like that feeling but I still really want to lose weight & I know I am doing the best that I can & that is the most important thing. Like I was espousing to my son this week about his grades. I told him if he gets a 76 on his test but he did the best that he could, that's OK. Do you see the correlation?

So today is the start of my new week & I wrote on the back of my tally sheet that I commit to measuring my quantities of food more accurately. This won't be easy. I am a lot like my great grandmother when I cook-she never measured either. It's weird how I have inherited an aversion to measuring.
Well, at least my house is clean.

Seven days of dieting

& I don't even feel like I am on a diet as much as I feel like this is just what I am doing right now. I think that may be good. I don't even feel deprived. I hope all these feelings stay with me because mentally I feel so much better.

Yesterday when I got home I was ravenous for lunch-not something I recommend in terms of eating properly-but what I noticed while I was unwrapping the dark German wheat bread is how much better everything smells & tastes when I am truly hungry. I really enjoyed my sandwich. & this is good because according to Deepak Chopra it is very important for me to put my full attention on my meals while I am eating. I didn't speak to him personally, but I was lucky enough to take his Dosha quiz posted on his site at http://chopra.com/namaste/november07

I forget what body type I am but I do know my Kapha (body) & Vata (mind) need some work. No surprise there. It seems as though there is a heaviness, sluggishness, & congestion I need to deal with. If I focus on "activation & invigoration" by way of yoga, self massage, deep breaths, spicy, pungent,bitter & astringent foods, take a 5-15 minute walk after eating, drink invigorating tea & put my full attention on my meals as stated above-it should help. Who has time for all this?

& I didn't even tell you about what correcting my Vata entails, which is-Wait...I just don't think I can meditate 2X a day. I should also be creating rhythm & routine, a bedtime schedule, wear relaxing fragrances, listen to slow relaxing music, minimize heavy reading, TV, & eating at night & diffuse fragrances in my environment. Just listing this is stressing me out. Maybe I can fit in some Tai-Chi today. That's a lot like meditating. Even if I sit for a minute or two & try & quiet my mind- that's a start. & I can take the dog for a walk after lunch. I love to smell her, now there is a relaxing fragrance! Wow, maybe I can do some of this.