mother's day aftermath

Priscilla Princess

Yesterday was a strange Mother's Day for me. I thought of how this was the first Mother's Day my Mom's mother is no longer with us. and I thought of my godmother, (my grandmother's daughter) in the hospital who just had a tracheotomy. they still do not know what caused her respiratory distress so she will be getting more tests. With the tracheotomy she is partially breathing on her own and she has been writing us notes so that is good news. Hopefully we will know more today.

Saturday night I came home from a trip to Connecticut for my nieces first holy Communion and found our Priscilla had had another seizure while she was home alone. Thankfully she is perfectly fine now with the exception of her epilepsy which strikes in its own timeline without warning. She is under a doctor's care who prescribes medication and also instructs me to watch her for the first 24 hours after a seizure since that seems to be when she most likely will have another one or a series of them.
If you saw her curled up in a ball on the couch pillows right now you would never guess the trauma her little body recently went through.
I saw my own mom early in the morning yesterday to wish her happiness and drop off a gift. We were all to go to my brothers for brunch but like Priscilla, my Dad wasn't feeling well so my Mom took my son with her to spend time with his dear cousins. My husband visited his Mom with his brother and I stayed home with Priscilla. Despite everything that is going on I feel very grateful. This is my life but for today all is well. It may not seem like it is but when I think about it, right at this very moment all is well.

"...that thou art happy, thou owest to God;
that thou continuest such, thou owest to thyself."~ John Milton: Paradise Lost

I am totally blown away.

I just read my dear soul sister-in-laws post for today and I must say she totally blew me away. One word in particular that comes to mind is courage. This woman, my sister-in-law, has guts, from the photo she posted of herself, (Man I know how that feels, I had so many of those same photos, though I have to admit to having burned mine) to the weight loss ticker she plans on putting on her blog. Another word is willingness. It is clear by her courageous actions that Lisa is willing. How cool is that? I know for myself, at times I may want to lose weight, but unless I am truly willing, I won't be successful.
I will be watching Lisa closely because I know as always, she will be an inspiration.
Lisa wrote about how she doesn't see herself in the picture she posted. I am sure every person who needs to lose weight feels the same. I believe the truth is because that really isn't who she is. I know I am buried somewhere deep down under my extra weight and finding my way out from there is like a scary liberation of sorts, so far outside my usual comfort zone.
Anyone reading this blog knows a little bit about my own weight loss journey. I started Weight Watchers last November 10th and since then I have lost 12.6 pounds. Personally I know I need a program to help me. Otherwise I feel like it is just too easy for me to lapse into my usual amnesiac denial. Everyday is filled with food choices and most days it is just too easy to eat whatever is in front of me instead of making a plan and sticking to it. I can think of many reasons why it's hard to lose weight. Like, eating super healthy foods requires a certain diligence. The food has to be purchased and prepared which takes time and effort. Time I would rather spend doing other things, and then it's like, oops, it's way past lunch & I am sooo hungry ! and then the cravings kick in. Or it could be forgetting breakfast which really sets my day up for fatigue and hunger, leaving me snacking hundreds of extra calories the whole time I am preparing dinner.

Weight Watchers is helping me change my behaviour. It's helping me stay focused on my goal by giving me tools to avoid the pitfalls of having to eat everyday. WW is also helping me to recognize the fact that losing weight is something I am willing to do and that yes, there are specific ways to accomplish this. It has taken me so long to lose what I have lost but I am sure if I didn't stick with some sort of program I would most likely have gained weight instead of losing or maintaining. I also feel like this is for good. Once I am done losing I will be one of those lifetime members at WW that learns how to throw away her scale and miraculously not gain weight.

Benefits I have gained since my 12 pound weight loss:

• I'm just inside the healthy BMI (body mass index) range

• My blood pressure is normal

• My cholesterol is normal
  

• I'm sleeping better

• I have more energy

• I can run faster

• I fit into a size 12

• I actually look forward to shopping for clothes

• I no longer avoid looking in the mirror as I get dressed.

• I actually have clothes in my closet that are comfortable and that I like.

The really great thing is that I haven't even lost all of my weight yet. I guess that is a positive way to look at it being that I have a ways to go. Until then I must say it is hard to stay motivated. Sometimes it's a daily struggle, other times it's easy. Overall since I have been in WW it is definitely easier.
A list of things I think or do to keep me motivated:

• I attend my meeting every week. I've learned that no matter what the outcome is, this always makes me feel better.
• Exercise everyday. This way if I absolutely can't one day, I'll have only skipped a day. Even if it is an unusual 3 or 4 days-things happen after all, setting a goal makes me get back to it.
  
• I keep a food journal. Even half a day is better than not at all. This always gives me some clarity, especially with portion control.
• When I start to think about eating something, I ask myself why? Am I hungry, tired, angry? What is the reason I am thinking of food? This has been big for me, probably the hardest. For me it is still a habit in the making.
  
• Instead of thinking about what I can't eat, I like to focus on things I can eat that I really enjoy. This makes me feel empowered.
  
• I started running. By far this has been the best kept secret mood enhancer I have ever experienced. Not more than 5 minutes into a run I can go from slogging through my day to conquering whatever lies before me with absolute confidence.

So, thank you my dear soul sister, once again you have inspired me. Please know I will be cheering you on, much like you have cheered me on and I will be praying for you as I watch you succeed.

reality check...it's a beautiful day...

Thank you God. Thank you for my good health and my family's good health. Thank you for my family (which includes Priscilla & Sylvia). Thank you for my friends. Thank you for my home. Thank you for my food. Thank you for my car working again. Thank you for being able to buy a new one soon. Thank you for these awesome flowers. Thank you for your presence in my life.

How many times have you seen this movie?

blow this photo up by clicking on it for a better view of Johnny's hairless chest
I've never taken a photo of a movie on my TV set before. At least if I have, I don't remember doing so. Maybe I was driven to experimentation out of the sheer boredom of watching snippets of this movie one hundred times in the last five days. To say the people in this house love this movie is an understatement. I'm exaggerating. It's not like I ever watch that much TV anyway. It's just that when I do it has to be something planned ahead of time.
It's not that I don't like pirates. How could anyone not like this movie when Johnny Depp is playing the lead pirate?

you're not sick of looking at her yet are you?

I didn't think so, so I just had to share this with you!
You can't tell but she's looking straight at me. Her eyes are tired but that does not deter her mission in life ( I love her little hairy leg hanging down by the back of the pillow). She is happy in this position because she is basically on top of Ian's head but she can still see everything I am doing. This is very important since in her eyes I am the endless supplier of food. I may sprout something for her to eat at any given moment and she is fully committed to be at the ready!

"Happiness only real when shared"

Recently I saw the movie Into the Wild. The title of this post is the message I came away with from that film. Christopher McCandless wrote the above quote in the movie upon realizing this at the end of his life. That profound realization on his part made me think he did not die in vain. This was proven to me when he made that connection between his own happiness and how it is essential to share it with others for it to be real... how profound is that?
A couple of years ago my sister-in-law aka Quasi-Mom sent me an invitation to visit her blog. Her invitation made me feel special, that it was important to her that I read her blog. I knew that she had been blogging but I was a bit spastic using my computer. Most of the time if I found her blog I would inadvertently hit the wrong button never being able to find it again without help from someone else. So inadvertently her invitation made me feel like it was imperative that I make more of an effort to properly learn how to use my computer as well.
My brother & QM have been together for what seems like forever but sadly they live far away so I don't get to see them much. If you spend anytime at Quasi-Mom's blog, you will see that it is like an ode to her children and her family.
This works out perfectly for me because I feel like I am privy to the goings on over at their house. I get to find out the main events in their life on a daily basis. I feel like I am a part of their family. The fact that a bunch of strangers who read her blog may feel this way too does not diminish the fact that I AM actually a part of her family-as in blood relative. OK maybe not specifically to Quasi, but to her children who share my bloodlines & in so doing (in my mind) bind me to Quasi in a way that can never be refuted.

The truth is though, that even if we weren't bound this way, we are soul sisters nonetheless and it is mainly because of her blogging. Something tells me I may not be the only one who feels this way about Quasi. As she opens up about her faith, motherhood, and her self, she expresses thoughts and feelings that many women can relate too. It's nice to know as a mom trying to be good in all ways that there are other girls in the world just like you. Through my connection to Quasi I have connected with many other people through their blogs including people I know as well as people I don't know.
Quasi's blog also makes me feel connected to my brother & their children in a way I otherwise would not be if QM didn't share their life with us. I can also say this is most likely true for the extended members of my family as well. Given the fact that QM is my relative I think the feeling of kinship may be stronger than my other web based relationships but I must say that through blogging and reading other people's blogs I feel a greater kinship with the rest of humanity in general. It amazes me that I am able to connect to hundreds of people that I may only have a couple of things in common with yet because of that common interest we are able to do so. Blogging in general seems to foster looking at how we as humans can get along as opposed to how we don't get along.
In working on my own blog I have noticed a genuine attempt on Blogger's part to make information in general accessible to all who seek it. Not only are all of the services they offer to a new blogger free, they seem to go out of their way to make their site user friendly. For someone like me who is not at all computer savvy, that says a lot. I can't help but feel that because of these factors Blogger sets the tone for what goes on at Blogger. I am sure I would be naive to assume all is rosy in every blog at Blogger but from what I have read I haven't found any negative blogs. Maybe it's as simple as like attracting like.
Whatever the case may be, this type of sharing is what I think is so cool about the blogosphere. It promotes a sense of inclusion as opposed to separateness or exclusion. Simply put, blogging makes us feel "connected" if not through a familial experience like my own it connects us through our shared experiences with one another. You don't have to be a blood relative to Quasi to feel connected to her.
What I have also discovered upon faithfully following Quasi is that she is a very smart, creative, spiritually hip momma who has an eye for what is happening in our culture. Just to give you an example, "Mommy blogs" are getting a lot of press as of late. Not only did she come up with the coolest name for her blog, from what I can tell she has also been blogging for at least three years.
Most admirably though, she likes to grow and this is what ultimately inspired me to start my own blog.
I originally thought I could never blog about my life, I am too private. I don't like telling people I don't know... pretty much anything. Than I realized that wasn't really true. As I thought about it I discovered that I do like to share my experiences, especially ones where I have found a solution that might possibly help others. In fact most everyone I know has an urge to help their fellows in one way or another. It could be sharing information about how to detox their bodies, or it could be something designed to make you laugh or cry. Sometimes you may need a good cry.

As I continued to read Quasi & other peoples blogs I began to notice how cool it was that many many people were sharing information this way and they have been doing so for quite awhile.
In pondering the idea of my own blog, I also thought that, you know, it could be up to me as to how I tell my stories. I could reveal as much or as little as I like. Most importantly though, I had a tremendous desire inside me to write. It was a desire I felt that I needed to take action on. I started to notice it when I first started using a computer about six or so years ago. When that computer crashed and I lost letters I had been writing for two years to a close friend, I was devastated. I was devastated because I had enjoyed writing those letters as much as I enjoyed my friendship with the person with whom I was writing too.
At one point Quasi herself told me I should start a blog. For a long time before that my husband and son encouraged me to write as well.
Then last November I came to a turning point in my life. I felt that I had to do something about my health both mentally and physically. I came across a post from a blog that I had read about on Quasi's blog (of course). It was here that Dooce referred to another blogger as doing a very brave thing. Immediately I had to read further as I am always intrigued by other people's bravery. What I read on this blog got me to thinking, I could do this. I could be brave, & I could write about it too. And if I write about it maybe I might encourage someone else which in turn may encourage me or if that doesn't happen, maybe I will just continue to encourage myself!

So on November 12th I started writing Lily Hydrangeas Anonymous Blog. I sent it to as many people I could think of. My oldest brother responded right away writing only, "Lily Hydrangea"?
He has never failed to make me laugh out loud.
So 100 posts later what has happened since I have started writing this blog? First and foremost I get to write everyday. This has been a blessing for me because I have found it to be a new passion of mine and I feel like I have only touched the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more to write about!
Secondly, my health has improved-( I know- maybe that should have been first). I've committed to a weight loss program and lost 8.2 pounds. I still have more to lose but I honestly couldn't tell you how much that is. For some reason my thinking has changed on this which I believe might be a side effect from my blogging. I do care very much about being successful losing weight but I also think I have learned it's about my whole being or being whole that counts. It's a day to day goal for me, not a specific weight loss goal that I am trying to reach so much as, what am I doing right here right now? It is more like an awareness that has opened up inside me begging the question, am I doing the right thing for me today? Am I taking care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually today? Am I living a conscious life? If I am not, what is one thing that I could do right now to turn my day around? Usually that one thing would be writing a post for my blog.
Ultimately I have to wonder-will I ever be successful?...as a writer I mean.
That's another thing that is cool about this whole blogging thing, if you keep coming back here you will get to see what happens in almost real time!
Mostly I feel like I am doing something fun and I am learning and connecting to others in the process of doing so. In other words, Happiness is only real when shared.
I hope you are enjoying my blog as much as I am.
If anyone is reading this, thank you & a special thanks to Quasi too.

~Lily H.

"In art and dream may you proceed with abandon. In life may you proceed with balance and stealth." -Patti Smith

I am so happy David Cook won!!!

I really thought he wouldn't make it. So strangely, when they announced him as the winner it was even more gratifying to watch and then he cried!!! Oh my gosh he is so humble and so talented. We had already decided that if he didn't win we wouldn't be able to watch American Idol next year. So yay!!! now we can!!!!
David Cook you rock!
By the way, I bought these flowers to plant in my flower boxes. They are among my favorites. Truthfully I can not think of any flowers that I don't like. If you look closely you will see some licorice plants here along with some sweet potato vine.

It's true, JFK did live in the same building as Capitol Coffee House.

Counter man working

So there we were sitting enjoying our nice tasty simple breakfast when the busy man behind the counter started making small talk. Though I kind of wished he hadn't waited until I had a mouth full of food before he started asking questions, I did enjoy the conversation. It's hard for me to concentrate on eating and thinking at the same time. I love talking to strangers while traveling so I forced myself to try & do both.
Then my husband said the unforgivable. There we were in the city of Boston completely vulnerable, surrounded mostly by men who most likely felt the same way as the counter man. As if baiting the counterman, my husband said to him "You guys haven't had good sports teams." Hearing that said, pleasant counter man stopped dead in his tracks & gave hubby a penetrating glare. "What?, we've always had good teams! the Celtics had some bad years, but they're doing good now." Making matters worse my husband said, "yeah, finally." I could see the thoughts racing through counter mans head as if he was plotting something in his mind. Now realize, up until this comment was made everything about counter man was genial & friendly. He was smiling, his shoulders were relaxed, he kept coming over to chat in between his busyness. Once this comment was made I can tell you that if counter man had any hairs on the back of his neck all of them were standing straight up. Now hubby had two people staring at him in disbelief, not that he noticed.

Knowing very little about sports I do know Boston is crazy over theirs so why would anyone say such a thing to a Bostonian?, in their own town no less! In a slight panic I quickly glanced around the room relieved to see everyone absorbed in their own conversations. Thankfully my husband does speak quietly. Knowing that changing the subject almost always works I tried to do so but to no avail. Counter man wasn't letting go, he was standing firm, staring. Finally he tensely asked, "what do you mean by that- yeah finally?" Hubby laughed with amusement working his charm as always acknowledging how yes, they are doing much better now. I could tell had counter man not been drawn away at that particular instant by having to make toast I am not sure what might have ensued but it probably would not have been good.

When I asked hubby what he could possibly be thinking by making that comment he said, that's the difference between NY & Boston, NY only loves their teams when they do something good then they will cheer you on, while Boston loves their teams no matter what.

Suffice to say counter man did speak with us again before we left. My husband has a knack for getting someones goat and then making them laugh- though it was plain to see counterman remained a little leary.

When counterman saw me taking pictures he smiled then looked at me and very proudly said, "Just in case you want to know, President Kennedy lived here in this very building before he became President, you know, just in case."

At the risk of sounding corny- I have to tell you, I love Boston.

Boston is a beautiful city

WOW! We had a great time. Last Wednesday we dropped our young teenager off at his school so he could travel with his classmates for an educational trip to Boston. And for the first time in 14 years my husband & I traveled alone to another city other than our own(Boston) and stayed two entire nights by ourselves in a beautiful hotel inside the city.

It's good to know that after all this time we still enjoy each others company. I mean, I knew that before we left of course...then again- until you are completely alone without any other distractions or escape routes, how do you really know? After all the parenting decisions, job issues, household responsibilities, family concerns, the daily clutter of everyday life, how do you know you are still there for each other the way you were in the first place?

I think we know because we are here everyday together. Waking up for breakfast, getting ready for our day, attending to what we are committed too. So it is so good to take a break from all that-just to be.

I am already planning our next trip...