I've sunk to a new low...

I've gained four pounds in the last two weeks, not exactly the low I was hoping for. The really rotten thing about this is the fact that as of today I have officially gained back all of the weight I have lost since I have started this second stint at WW not quite two years ago. All FOURTEEN pounds of it, how sad is that? That is more than my dog Priscilla weighs. & she gets awfully heavy if you carry her around for more than five minutes.
miss Priscilla, please click on photo to see her cuteness up close

The other twelve I have managed to keep off (thank the good Lord) since I originally began WW, I'm guessing that was four or five years ago.

I warned the woman who weighed me this morning that I thought I'd gained some weight this week. I could tell by the look on her face after she weighed me that it wasn't going to be pretty. Arrgh! what the hell am I doing? why can't I stay focused with my food plan? Seriously, I am not getting any younger. I wonder if I am just destined to be 20 pounds overweight the rest of my life.
It doesn't seem like Weight Watchers is working for me. Then I wonder if I am just not working Weight Watchers.
I am also wondering if I should quit this program. Then I think about how whenever I skip a week of getting weighed at WW I always gain weight. It's as if I need to be accountable to someone, I need to be honest about what is going on with regard to my weight or I'll just keep gaining. This never used to be the case with me. In the past, whenever I put on a few pounds I used too focus on whatever made me happy in life and bump up the exercise and I would start to fit into my clothes better. I never used to weigh myself either.
Would I keep spiraling down if I stopped Weight Watchers, or is it possible I could still do it on my own?

For today I've decided it is very important to me to lose this extra baggage that I feel has been weighing me down.
For those of you who question my weight loss ambitions please know I'm not exactly miserable, I just remember what it was like not having the extra weight on my body. I was much more comfortable.
Somewhere along the way I've lost the knack for maintaining a healthy body weight. I write about it here as I try and figure out how to get that balance back.
I miss running faster, waking up easier, having more energy, and I remember noticing big improvements in all three of those areas when I was 14 pounds lighter.

Please vote in my poll as to whether or not you think I should stay in WW. It's over on my sidebar to your right.
Some good news, I've been exercising a lot. I jogged 3 miles the other day and I felt great afterwards.

I gained 3 pounds last week!

oh well...
I didn't want to go to my Weight Watchers meeting this morning but I knew I had to because I didn't go last Saturday, I wasn't feeling well. And though I am not feeling so hot today, (I still have a cold) I knew if I skipped another week of getting weighed it could prove to be disastrous.
As I drove to my meeting I kept thinking I should just quit Weight Watchers. I thought maybe then I could relax, the weight will just drop off and things will just magically fall into place.
It's so weird how I seem to go through this reasoning every now and then, or should I say "magical" thinking? It must be a form of denial.
I mean, why don't I just stick to my program and lose the frigging weight already???
Pondering this, I looked back at the last time I was relatively successful at keeping my weight down. It was last winter, January of 2009. I was 6 pounds lighter. Ever since than I have been losing weight or gaining it back in two or three pound increments.
What does it take to be successful, to lose weight and keep it off?
This morning, Eileen, my Weight Watchers leader told my group, "Quitting is not an option".
Funny how that was exactly what I was thinking of doing this morning and that was one of the first things I heard her say not to do. She also said, and I am paraphrasing here, everyone cares about how they look, and when we take care of ourselves that is when we feel good about ourselves. We stand up straighter, we feel more confident, and we don't let people use us as a door mat. Then she said, "I demand to be treated well". Which made me think, why don't I demand that of myself? Why don't I treat myself well by putting my focus on achieving this one goal that I know will make me feel good about myself?
Every time I have succeeded in sticking to my program, my self esteem has gone up immeasurably and the cool thing is that self esteem naturally overlaps into other areas of my life.
I remember thinking when I lost the first fifteen pounds, if I feel this good now, how will I feel when I achieve my ultimate goal? Perhaps I am just scared to move out of my comfort zone?
I think it might be time for me to do some fire walking. In other words, I need to move out of my complacency or fear or whatever, and commit to taking the actions I need to take.
I need to do this because I really want to lose 18 pounds by November 12th.And I can't be afraid to say that just because I am afraid I won't be able to do it.
So, thanks Eileen, for saying the things I needed to hear.

this was the view from the breakfast room at Borgo Argenina, the place we stayed in Tuscany. I can still hear the birds singing.

I lost the pound (and .2) I gained...

but that was last Saturday, so the question is, will I lose anything this week? Ok, ok, let me rejoice and remain positive!
I'll explain. It really was a miracle I lost anything last week though, because I was hungry every day, all day long, all week long. I didn't keep my food journal and I reluctantly went to my WW meeting last Saturday. I so very much did not want to go. I am convinced the only reason I lost that one pound was because the night before my Weight Watchers meeting my son had a 103.6 fever and I had just given him Tylenol an hour before I read the thermometer.
Have you ever had that sinking feeling when your child is sick? You know the feeling you get when what usually works really well to remedy the illness isn't working and you begin to realize you are moving into unknown territory, or at least territory you haven't visited since your child was 8 or 9.
Plus you realize at 15, your child is more like a young adult and a 103.6 fever is quite high for a young adult and you think back about how a week before you were in a foreign country and all these thoughts come into your mind in rapid succession-in other words, panic starts to set in. Have you ever felt that way as a parent?
Yeah, I was a little concerned, so I called the doctor at 10 PM last Friday, and I was pre-screened by the doctor's phone service. I respect that totally. And I noticed as I spoke to her my voice was shaking, then I remember thinking, wow I must be really worried. Then she asked me, "how did you take his temperature?" and when I replied with my shaky voice, " with a thermometer, I..." (I can laugh at my answer now) she said rather loudly and not so nicely, interrupting me as I kept talking, "ORALLY or RECTALLY?"
where upon my shaky voice disappeared as I morphed into Super Mom and I said, " ORALLY." but I said it in a tone that really meant, don't f#@&# with me now, just get the f-ing doctor on the phone, now please." & she did so and she did so very quickly. & I was relieved immediately because the doctor who was on call has seen my son a lot this year and she knew exactly what I should do and I did so and he is fine. God bless his doctor and her phone service screener person (and I mean that most sincerely).
Yes, he was fine about an hour after that call actually. Though I spent the next couple of hours in the bathroom evacuating everything in my bowels. This seems to happen to me when I get scared. Thankfully I don't get scared too much.
So, I am convinced that is how I lost a pound last week. So the ticker has been moved in the right direction! I guess every cloud has a silver lining.

thought you would enjoy a picture of her cuteness. please click on photo to see cuteness details up close and why she looks like a living breathing beany baby.

when in Rome...

It's hard to believe it has been 3 weeks since my last post. the week before my trip to Rome was a whirlwind of getting things in order before we left.
Last Saturday was my first weekend back since my last weight loss report and though it was the last thing I felt like doing, I dragged myself to my Weight Watchers meeting. Still feeling the lag of the jet, I spent the morning commiserating with my husband about how unfortunate we were to no longer be able to spend the day looking at beautiful art and eating amazing food, at least in Rome, anyway! Feeling lost in nostalgia I decided I was too wrapped up in my vacation memories and it was too soon to sit in a meeting and talk about losing weight, but I did go and I did get weighed and I found out I gained 1.2 pounds!
Oh well, what did I expect from having this (see photo below) for breakfast every morning? Don't worry, I only ate one of these. The other two were for hubby Anthony & son Ian!
So, the above weight loss ticker is officially moved in the opposite direction today. & I am back to journaling my food every day since this last Saturday. I should say I feel lucky I didn't gain more. I think the reason I probably didn't was due to the constant walking and cycling we did. We walked a good distance before and after every meal. Maybe I would have actually lost weight if I didn't eat Gelato everyday too.
I should also say how lately I have been thinking I would really like to change the course of my weight loss direction to being one of completing the weight loss challenge I have imposed upon myself. This November 12 it will be two years since I went back to WW. If you want to read the beginning of that story, you can find it here. I think I may feel a great sense of accomplishment if I could succeed at becoming a lifetime member and just stick to maintaining my weight loss goal.
I have written in the past that as slow as I have been in my success, had I not been in the WW program I felt that I would have gained more weight so I would rationalize that at least I wasn't getting fatter. While that may be true, I am starting to think it's time to raise the bar a bit.
I was thinking how nice it would be to achieve my goal by this November 12 which is eleven weeks away. If I stick to the program, Weight Watchers says I should lose 1-2 pounds per week. Wouldn't it be wonderful to celebrate two years of this blog by achieving my weight loss goal?
I am going to do it.

"Most people never run far enough on their first wind to find out they've got a second."~William James

weight loss update

Remember when I made the decision about using the weight ticker to report on my weight when I gain? This morning I went to my Weight Watchers meeting and found out I lost 2.2 pounds this week. I was pretty happy since I diligently spent time keeping a food journal. I usually write down what I eat every week at least a few days but this week I wrote down what I ate every day. I remember when I first started Weight Watchers the weeks I religiously kept a food journal are the weeks I always lost weight.
Excited about my loss, I got home and prepared to move the slider thingy on the above weight loss ticker only to find out those 2.2 pounds I lost apparently had been gained back sometime during the last few months and I never recorded those pounds on my ticker! So, officially I still have 15 pounds to lose!
Whatever... I am still happy about my success. It always feels good to be back on track and actually succeeding.
It's not that I stopped going to meetings, I go every single week. I'm convinced that accountability keeps me from gaining my weight back, with the exception of one or two pounds of course!
I just haven't been reporting about it here which I would really love to change. In fact, I would love to report about actually being consistently successful at losing weight. I think that would be even more fun.
The truth is, sometimes I secretly think I can't do it. I say secretly because I don't like to think negative thoughts, in fact I am against thinking that way so I keep those thoughts to myself as I actively try and push them from my mind denying those feelings as if they don't exist.
I guess I just changed that by sharing those thoughts on my blog! LOL! Ahhh, that feels so much better! ...deep, deep cleansing breath.
Not to be perverse, but I had to include a photo of this luscious cake we had last week when we celebrated my brother-in-law Danny's 50th birthday. The chocolate was divine, the cake itself yellow and the filling was cannoli. It was like a meal. I enjoyed just ONE piece & I had it with non-diet ginger ale, a perfect accompaniment if I do say so myself!
and I still lost 2.2 pounds. I just made sure everything else I ate that day was highly nutritious and I also made sure to go for a bike ride when I got home.
This is exactly how I want to enjoy my life celebrating over cake yet still taking care of myself.

notice the ticker changed?

Yay! I finally lost two pounds. It took me four weeks. I'll take the loss. I look at it this way, if I lose 2 pounds a month for the next year that would equal 24 pounds. So yeah, I'll take it. Losing any amount of poundage is always better than gaining.
I have been doing so much better paying attention to my well being lately. I feel good. & I hope you're feeling good too.Isn't this the coolest bracelet? When I lose 10 more pounds I am going to buy myself something like this to celebrate.

I've decided I am not going to talk about my weight when I gain some back. Well, other than to report it here. But that's it. I'll just move the slider thingy at the top of the page & then I will state I gained 2 pounds last week. So there you have it. I just don't feel like talking about it anymore. I will only elaborate on my success or my hope for my future. & I feel very hopeful this week.

Yay, I lost a pound!

Despite my failing to control my appetite as much as I should have, the ticker is once again moving in the right direction. I was afraid to get weighed today for fear I gained, but it seems to be the only way I can stick to my weight loss program so I showed up at my Weight Watchers meeting this morning & I am glad I did. Of course the whole way there I had a running dialogue with myself about how I should just go ahead & quit WW. In retrospect it is a wonder I ever lose any weight at all with the way I think most of the time. I was surprised and very grateful I lost weight. It's just a pound, but I'll take it.

Notice I am now passed my halfway mark. I am guessing the exercise I did this week helped as well as making sure I got enough sleep. That seems to really help with my sugar cravings. I was still quite hungry, constantly wanting to eat, so this week my goal is to make sure I drink at least 8 glasses of water every day. I have read that sometimes when you don't get enough fluids your body acts like it is hungry when it actually just needs water. I know it's just basic stuff but like all these tips & guidelines they can be hard to remember on a daily basis especially when you are busy doing other things all day. It's so easy to fall back into old habits, like thinking, "let me just grab this piece of ...CHOCOLATE!" Well, at least I make sure it's the dark chocolate. Did you know dark chocolate has iron in it?
I will do better this week. That is my mantra for the week. I WILL do better!

interesting art seen at the APW gallery Long Island City
click on image to see meaningful quotes in artwork up close

In response to a lovely readers question...

Anonymous asked;
Have you ever given thought to seeing a nutritionist? Do you know of a reputable one? What do you think about that possibility? xxxxx


I actually took a class in nutrition with the wonderful nutritional warrior Christopher D'Orta. It's sort of a hobby of mine. My interest in healthy eating is what led me to become a vegetarian years ago. & that is not to say I think meat is horribly bad. There are just so many issues surrounding how animals are raised & fed & whatnot. Nowadays people have better choices as far as organic meats & such but I figure if I started eating meat again, than I'd have two vices to deal with, red meat & sugar!
I think my tendency to overeat will always be there. I love food.
& I have noticed the older I get the more important it seems to be to eat a well balanced diet. So I do that on a daily basis. But I do have a hard time with sugar when I don't get enough rest. So I am concentrating on getting enough sleep lately & it seems to be helping.
Also, if you are interested in reading any of my back posts, it turns out I have a high metabolism, so it is also important that I eat enough calories per day as well. That was quite a problem when I was restricting calories earlier in the year.
So between my overeating, under eating & love of sweets, I have my hands full. I also find it a big challenge to stay motivated. Writing about it helps quite a bit. People who visit here are very encouraging.
Thankfully I'm moving in the right direction!

I am sick of talking about my weight.

But honestly, what is the alternative? Should I just keep spiraling down until I have gained back every ounce of weight I lost and more?
This morning as I drove to my weight watchers meeting I thought I would have definitely lost some weight because well, get this logic, since I had gained so much back since the end of January, I believed "I must have lost something this week". When the nice weigh in woman told me I had gained 1.6 pounds, I just thought to myself how ridiculous this is. I am so not getting anywhere. Every week it's the same thing. My WW leader calls this the weight loss cha-cha. Up 2 pounds, down 1 pound, up .6, down .2, slowly but surely that has been me the last two months, going nowhere but in the wrong direction.
Yesterday I thought about quitting Weight Watchers. I fantasized that if I quit I could save the money I was spending on it for the new clothes I could buy myself after I finished losing my weight. Somehow I thought I'd magically lose weight if I quit WW. Now that makes a lot of sense.
I also thought about using my WW money to see a shrink instead. I thought maybe he could tell me why I was failing to lose weight and maybe act as a personal coach of sorts. That idea quickly dissolved when I realized I so did not want to get into my whole life story. I am sick of analyzing it.
Driving home I accepted the fact that I haven't focused on my goal & I need to start anew. So today I am putting a weight loss tracker at the top of my post. I am using this as a daily visual reminder that I want to lose 17 pounds. & I don't want to take a year and a half to do it. I need to recommit to my program. I also have to acknowledge the good things I have been doing.
So that I will end this post on a positive note I am listing four things I have been successful at.

I exercise at least 4 times a week, sometimes 5

I have been getting enough sleep

I didn't gain all the weight back that I had lost. I am still down 17 pounds from when I first started weight watchers a few years ago.

I didn't quit WW today.

When I lose 17 more pounds, that will put me a few pounds ahead of my weight watchers goal. I've always wanted to do that. Then I'll get to become a lifetime member!
I just realized something. This goal should be at the very top of my bucket list. Hey, I'm already half way there!

Finally a loss!

Saturday morning I was sure I had gained a pound. I couldn't get to my weight watchers meeting until later in the morning so I didn't want to eat fearing I'd gain 1 or 2 pounds of water weight that I have a tendency to gain as the day progresses. I was so tempted to skip the meeting entirely, but I knew if I did it would just make matters worse. My WW leader helps me stay on track. After I took care of my early morning errands, I finally got to the meeting anticipating the worst. I thought how great it would be if I could at least stay the same weight. Needless to say when the nice lady said I was down .2 I almost started to cry. I don't think I've ever been been so happy to lose so little. Sometimes I am amazed to find out how little it takes to make me happy. I wonder if that is part of my problem? I am starting to think I need to work this program a tad bit differently. I am starting to think I am settling. I think I need to change my approach. I'll keep you posted.

Priscilla after a bath. Isn't she adorable?

it's not good

I gained 2.2 pounds last week & .6 this last Saturday, bringing my total gain these last two weeks up to 2.8 ! So now I have to lose 9 pounds instead of 6. I wasn't happy with this turn of events & I can list a million reasons why it hasn't been easy to stay on course as of late but I'd rather focus on what I need to do today. Besides, like my leader asked us at my last meeting, "what is easier? being overweight and unhealthy or losing weight and having energy?" When it's said like that it seems so obvious. Yet we all know it isn't easy to lose weight... so there lies the wild card. Then I think, once I lose the weight, it'll be easier. I know if I want to be a lifetime member of Weight Watchers I'll need to stay within two pounds of my goal weight. I think I have the ability to do that. The big question now is, do I have the willingness?
I had a good weekend as far as calorie consumption. I wrote down everything that I ate. I drank all the water I was supposed too. I also made sure I slept enough. Yesterday I even walked for an hour. I feel like I've had a bit of an attitude adjustment since I went back to my meetings. Despite my gain, my Weight Watchers leader seems to be good with turning people's attitudes around. One of my worst habits is not monitoring myself. When I neglect writing down what I am eating, I become like an amnesiac & "forget" to eat the healthy stuff first. This sets off even more cravings since junky food always leaves me wanting more. Now that I have found out that I have a high metabolism I am starting to realize how important it is for me to eat at least 1600 calories a day or else I won't lose weight. If half of those 1600 calories aren't nutritionally up to par, like foods loaded with nutrients that will give me energy, I have found my body will only crave more food until I do get those nutrients thus adding way too many calories.
So last Saturday I got back from my meeting and made my yogurt soy milk berry banana shake. It tastes good, it's loaded with all good things and it gives me energy.
Here is the recipe and here's to hope that I lose some weight this week!
I use organic ingredients whenever possible, but if I can't, I just substitute with whatever is available.

1 cup of frozen organic blueberries ( I like Trader Joe's)
half of a banana
1 cup organic nonfat plain yogurt
1 cup organic soy milk
2 packets stevia

I use a hand held blender to mix the blueberries with the soy milk a little at a time. Then I add the yogurt & the cut up banana, stevia and mix again.

For Weight Watchers, it's 4 points. ( or 350 calories)
TIP~ if my bananas are getting really ripe, I like to put them in the fridge & use them to make the shakes a little more "shake" like.

~ a picture of the goodness

I didn't do so hot with my diet this week...

so of course I am dreading going to my WW meeting tomorrow morning. Last weekend's birthday celebration complete with chocolate cake, paled by comparison with this weeks food consumption. All week long I just felt hungry all the time. My chocolate cravings were ridiculous and I only exercised twice. By yesterday I was so depressed with my lack of willpower and motivation I felt like a total loser. I guess I needed to hit bottom before I could begin the good fight yet again. Yes, I am still dreading getting weighed tomorrow, but I am completely ready.

"If you think you can do it, or you think you can't do it, You are right." ~ Henry Ford

a couple of things...

I didn't go to my weight watchers meeting on Saturday. Usually I think of going to my meeting as a gift, a time out just for me that I give myself to help me stay on track because it really is a great support. Last Saturday was an exception in that I didn't force myself to go to a meeting even though I was worried I had gained back some weight I had just lost. I didn't count my calories/points as carefully as I had planned too during the week and I thought if I went to my meeting and found out I gained I would be upset, and I just didn't want to be upset on my birthday. Yes it was a big day for me, I am always pleased to be here for yet another year!
Plus it would be a nice present sleeping in a couple of extra hours.
So guess what I did as soon as I woke up? After vowing not too, I weighed myself! If I didn't stay the same, I think I may have lost a pound. My scale isn't accurate, but it's close enough. Feeling guilty I properly consoled myself, telling myself, it's your birthday, you should do whatever you want, if you wanted to weigh yourself, what is so wrong with that? Who is making up the rules anyway? I think I made the right decision because later on (after being sick for the last couple of weeks) I finally had the energy to go for a nice 3 & 1/4 mile run. Feeling empowered, as exercise so often does for me, I also decided that for the rest of the day, birthday cake included, whatever I ate would be eaten joyfully and with lots of gratitude.That is one of the things I love about WW, there aren't any foods off limits.

thanks to my generous parents, the Eggplant Milano that I ordered from my favorite Greek restaurant. I only ate half of it. Thanks Mom & Dad!
& the cake for after...I had one slice with 2 "slivers".


Remember the tips? Well, there are more!
If you missed the first 22, please go here, here & here.

Tips for an Exceptional, Superb and Powerful Life

23. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!

24. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

25. Your job won't take care of you when you get sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.

26. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

27. Envy is a waste of time. You already have everything you need. God provides, remember?!

28. The best is yet to come.

tomorrow will be the last of the "tips" plus a little about my word for the year,
~ O R G A N I S E !

To lose or not to lose, that is the question.

I pray I am finally truly ready to let go of it.
Saturday showed another big loss for me, I'm down 3.2 more pounds. So in the last two weeks I've lost a total of six pounds. This is great news since 3 weeks ago I had gained 4.6 after being away from my Weight Watchers meetings for exactly four weeks. Now the challenge will be can I continue to lose? I haven't lost this much weight so quickly since I first started WW. At this point I don't know if it is due to my daily 1600 calorie regime or the fact that I've been sick the last three weeks! Maybe it's a combination of both. Whatever the case, I'm a bit nervous. I think I've reached my boiling point. I want to be done with this goal and start my six weeks of maintenance so I can become a lifetime WW member. I only need to lose six more pounds. I think I actually want to lose more than that but I don't have too if I don't want too in order to qualify for starting the WW maintenance plan. Right now my BMI is in the healthy range so that is a relief and my waist size is a tad bit less than half my height. & although I am tall, I'm not a big boned girl so I wonder if I'd probably be a little more comfortable with even less weight on me. I guess that is another decision I have to make once I lose these last six pounds. I often hear the last five pounds are the hardest to shed. Maybe that won't apply to me since I haven't made up my mind yet as far as exactly how much I want to lose!

This week should give me a clearer picture in terms of how much I can realistically expect to lose on 1600 calories a day since I seem to be fully recovered from what I think may have been the flu followed by a nasty stomach virus that lasted four days. I'm surprised I didn't gain weight with all the white bread and salty crackers and ginger ale I had been eating. I haven't had a piece of fruit or a vegetable since last Monday! Today I will attempt a berry banana soy milk smoothie. Yum, I can't wait!
This week I commit to staying positive while I track my calories. I also commit to drinking plenty of water, getting enough sleep and exercising at least one hour a day.
I have no illusions, I know it's not easy, yet I feel up to the challenge for today.

Every year we let our Yorkie Priscilla play with the wrapping paper on Christmas day. She loves paper. Here she is looking all innocent. If you had seen her just moments earlier you wouldn't have recognized her-kind of like me after I've eaten a chocolate bar!

weight loss update

I showed a 2.8 pound weight loss last Saturday when I weighed in at my weight watchers meeting! I wanted it to be more like five, but let's face it, those teenage days of dropping 5 pounds in one week are over. so hopefully this week I'll lose two more. I hope, I hope!
It is still hard for me to believe that eating more is actually going to help me lose weight. I know there are many days when I have eaten above and beyond 1600 calories, and that is probably why I have been maintaining as opposed to losing.
According to the metabolic test that I wrote about in my last post, I can eat between 1915 and 2488 calories to maintain my weight. That seems like quite a lot of calories, more than enough to keep me satisfied when I finally complete my total weight loss and get to the point of maintenance. Given my love of chocolate, something tells me I would be wise to count calories once I get to that point.

So you are never going to believe this...

but I have a high metabolism, as in VERY high. My body burns 1915 calories a day at rest. My Dr told me this after she said I was iron deficient and needed to start iron supplementation immediately. I told her I thought she was looking at the wrong chart. After confirming my birth date, she said no, it was all true. I was either eating way too much OR possibly not eating enough!
Wow! I thought, that means I can eat more! & that's precisely what I have been doing since then-hence the 4.6 pound weight gain...
Seriously though, my DR said this is probably why when I was eating 1400 calories a day for 2 weeks I didn't lose any weight. The body goes into starvation mode or some such, clinging to whatever fat it can. Sweet DR then told me I should be eating 1600 calories a day if I wanted to lose 1-2 pounds a week.
This was amazing news to me. After feeling extremely tired for the last few months as well as hitting a weight loss plateau for quite some time, I was starting to feel like I was getting old.
The funny thing is, I was never like that either, I was never one to "feel" old. I was always one of those people that has always believed you are as young as you feel, & I would set my mind to feeling young. I should have known something was wrong when my thinking started to change.

After this fast/high metabolism news I suddenly started to feel very hopeful. This is so cool I thought, I have a fast metabolism. I can lose weight. I was just tired from not having enough iron! I began to feel young again. At the age of 46 it was as if I was being reborn. Here I was thinking all this time, I'm getting old, my metabolism is slowing down, I don't have as much energy....blah, blah, blah, blah, blah! It turns out it was all rubbish!
And after just two weeks of taking my iron supplements, I have new found energy that I haven't seen in a while. This seems to be helping me with my cravings since I tend to crave food when I am tired.
So the good news is, there isn't a thing wrong with me. I'm not even "just getting old" anymore! In fact I am probably in better health now (other than this wicked cold I've got) then I have ever been.
Hopefully tomorrow I will see a change when I go to weigh in at Weight Watchers too!



two of my favorite people

losing weight in 2009

I can't remember my last post on my weight loss/weight watchers debacle. I just got so sick of talking, writing, and thinking about it. If it weren't for my soul sister Quasi Mom I think I would have lost all inspiration to stay on course.By the way, if you want to follow an amazing weight loss story I highly recommend her blog. She doesn't write about it all the time, but she gives you plenty to ponder.
I have to say it felt good to take a break from it all in terms of the reportage, but I will tell you this, it didn't feel too good to get on the Weight Watchers scale last weekend and finding out I gained 4.6 pounds. Not like I was shattered or depressed, I was more like, OK, whatever.
I knew just getting back to my WW meeting was a triumph. I hadn't been to one in 4 weeks.

I think my biggest breakthrough other than getting back to my WW meetings was joining a gym 6 weeks ago. Not too long ago my friend Kitty from the fabulous site, New York Portraits commented about how she frequents a gym & how she feels the benefits of weight lifting. That kind of stuck in my brain because I used to lift weights at home & somehow got out of the habit of it about two years ago. Then, just before Christmas I got a coupon in the mail from my husbands gym. I could try it out for 6 weeks for only $39.00. Long story short, I'm a bit of a gym rat now. OK I'm exaggerating, but I do really like it. I like the smell of the rubber mats and the loud music and all the people politely exercising with one another. Well, some are more polite than others, but they are all very interesting characters nonetheless.
Initially I hated the mere thought of gyms. Why leave my nice cozy house I reasoned, I have my own weights and an exercise bike. Plus, I thought, who wants to hang out with all those sweaty people when you can be outside running around the neighborhood in the open air. Thankfully two things opened up my mind, I knew some added cardio would help my little upcoming ski trip, and I also knew my son would be home from school for two weeks & I would be able to take him with me, which is always fun.
Besides it really is a great place to people watch, sort of like when I used to live in Manhattan, all different types and personalities stuck together in one big room. It actually helps me to see there are others like myself struggling through 30 minutes on the elliptical machine or running for what seems like an eternity on the treadmill. This is a big revelation for someone who is very used to exercising alone.
Plus I do believe my weight gain would have been much more had I not been doing the extra exercise I found myself doing at the gym. The machines make it so easy to lift weights, you can't help but go for it.
Eventually I would like to start taking a few classes like yoga and maybe even spinning. I'll keep you posted.
& remember way back in November I told you about that metabolic test the DR made me take? Supposedly it would tell me exactly how many calories I should be consuming in order to lose weight. Well, I got the results back & you are going to laugh. Only, I don't have time to write about it now, but I promise I will write about it in the next 24 hours.




these flowers are for all my friends that stop by here to read my posts and give me encouragement. Thank you.

I missed my weight watchers meeting Saturday morning,

but I did get to go see my grandmother and for today that was more important.
I weighed myself when I woke up & it looks like I stayed the same weight, so that is good, especially after consuming mass quantities of food on Thanksgiving. Though I really didn't completely over do it. My worst offense I think was the eggnog. I love eggnog.
Last week I took the metabolic test my DR prescribed and soon I will find out exactly how many calories I personally need to consume to lose two pounds a week. The test involved my breathing into a tube for ten minutes with a giant clip on my nose to make sure, the technician told me, that I breathe only through my mouth. Supposedly this helps to accurately measure my metabolism.
Last week when I was at my WW meeting I asked if I could recalculate my point allowance, points are what they call calories in weight watchers. I have no idea why WW does this except that maybe it is easier to add them up. So, guess what happened? I found out that I should be eating two less points a day! So there may lie the solution to the weight loss plateau that I've been experiencing. It turns out if you weigh less you should actually eat less. Since I have lost 12 pounds, my points allowance changed. I guess I'll find out for sure if this will finally be the answer to my weight loss plateau the next time I weigh in at WW.
Meanwhile I have to tell you about this tea I finally found. It's called Orange Spice Rooibos Tea. It is completely caffeine free and has a very full bodied flavor. I absolutely love it. Please bear with me while I go off on a little tangent here.
Last summer in the form of a small miracle, I found out I had a dangerous heart arrhythmia. I was very fortunate to have discovered it. Within five days of finding it I was cured of it with amazing medical technology by a DR who has done 20,000 of these procedures. To make a very long story short, I don't know if you remember my story about having to give up caffeine last summer. Well, I never wrote that I had to give it up due to the arrythmia, I just found the whole scenario too overwhelming. I did however write about how much I didn't want too. In case you missed it, you can read about that here if you'd like. In retrospect, I think it was probably good I had the caffeine issue to focus on because the other stuff was way too frightening to think about so giving up the coffee served as a much needed distraction. I found out that decaff still has caffeine in it so for an entire month I wasn't allowed to drink any coffee at all. It nearly ruined my summer. I know... given the circumstances, this may sound pathetic , but I do love a good cup of coffee in the morning.
After I saw the heart specialist for my follow up, he told me I could go back to living the way I did before, but my cardiologist insisted I limit my coffee intake to drinking only decaffeinated. Truthfully I never thought I would be able to have any coffee ever again so this news made me very happy.
So what does this have to do with the Rooibos tea? When I was in the midst of my coffee withdrawal I was looking for a tasty substitute when I read Reluctant Farm Chicks post on Rooibos tea. You can read her post here.
I've been looking for it ever since & I finally found it at Trader Joe's and the added plus is, their brand is organic!
Reluctant Farm Chick is right, it is absolutely delicious. It is so good, my son drinks at least one if not two big mugs of it everyday. According to the info on the box, it is a "powerful antioxidant... high in minerals that may contribute to the maintenance of healthy skin, teeth, bones and metabolic processes". I love finding foods and drink that are both delicious and good for you at the same time. This is what it looks like.

thanks to you reluctant farm chick, I now have finally found a suitable caffeine substitute!

It has been 22 days since I last posted on my weight loss debacle. It's not that I have stopped going to weight watchers, it's just that I was so frustrated after my last DR's visit I thought anything I wrote would be tainted by this frustration.
I purposely schedule a doctors appointment every three months so that she will check my weight. I know this may seem rash but I need all the help I can get. So after taking four weeks to lose 1.8 pounds, I get on the scale the morning of my visit & I discover I gained FIVE pounds!
Yeah, that was a wonderful morning. This was after writing down every single thing I ate, exercising six days a week, I was convinced I was in the groove. To make matters worse, by the time I got to the DR's, the scale said I lost six pounds. I'm sure that extra pound was my clothing.
WHATEVER.
I didn't want the DR to think I was in denial so I showed her my weight watchers record so she could see I actually had been losing weight. Convinced it was my thyroid causing all the melee, she sent me for blood tests. I haven't heard anything from their lab though I am fairly certain that must mean it's normal. Two days later, I lost all of the weight I had gained. My conclusion, it must be hormones. I looked at everything I had eaten before and after the weight gain and there weren't any changes. My eating was consistent as was my exercise. What else could it be? If you are a woman you know how this works.
The good DR is also making me take a metabolic test next Tuesday. Supposedly this new test will measure my metabolism so that I will know exactly how many calories I need. It will also tell me if my metabolism is slow, medium or fast.
I'll keep you posted.
On a positive note I should add that I have found much needed consolation in my little yorkie Priscilla. She is going through a bit of a health crisis due to our recent discovery that she has epilepsy. It's strange how this works but my caring for her helps me keep things in perspective. She has had a few seizures but the medicine is starting to take effect. She started gaining weight because the meds makes her feel hungry. It's hard not to feed her when she is begging for food, especially after everything she has been through. You can see by that last comment where I find my comfort! LOL!
So I make sure I measure everything. I also take her for extra walks. This is good for both of us. Yesterday when I took her to get her blood tested, she actually lost weight which is excellent because a few weeks ago she gained almost two pounds! That is a lot for a dog that weighs just 9 and a half pounds to begin with. I count my blessings every day that she is OK. She means so much to our family.
Look at how adorable she is all curled up here. I love how she lets me cover her in a blanket.