Ian's Audition for the Glee Club

I thought I would pick Ian up a little early from school yesterday so he could prepare himself for his audition. I didn't want to be rushed. I wanted him to have some moments to himself to shed his school day and try and relax. Plus he had to practice his songs a bit.
As he sat next to me in the small space of our car and started to practice I started to worry. I wouldn't say he sounded bad, but he just didn't sound like himself. His voice sounded tired. Panis Angelicus always sounds pretty when he sings it. As angelic as Ian sounded yesterday, it sounded like something was missing. Was it his energy? I couldn't put my finger on it. The principal at his school was telling me all the kids have been overtired lately. They think it's the allergy inducing air tiring everybody out. Ian's DR said last week that this Spring in NY has been the worst allergy season he has ever seen. Great- I thought, the timing for this audition is just not good at all.
We had to wait for another student to finish his audition. I started talking with God. I know when I am talking with him because I start to feel an inner calm. I start getting reasonable thoughts in my brain that I don't believe would be there in such circumstances unless God was there to comfort me. Like for instance, I started to realize that you know, whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Why not just let God's will unfold? I prayed a simple prayer taking me out of my own head asking God to please let his will be done, bless Ian and the other people involved with the auditions today. Help them all to follow your path Lord. This always makes me feel noble when I pray for all those involved. I think God likes it when I start to think of others and what they may be going through in our shared set of circumstances. It always makes me feel better when I remember to do this.
Yes, this teacher is about to decide something important for our son, but you know what? In actuality God is the one making the decisions through this wonderful teacher. ( I could tell he is wonderful because he is so into it.) In other words, if Ian doesn't get in the glee club, that means he's not suppose to be there.
As I was waiting for my son as he auditioned for the glee club at the high school he will be attending in the Fall, I was completely overcome with emotion. It happened all at once, it was worse than getting choked up. It felt like that type of soul wrenching feeling when you just know without a doubt that God gives us many gifts. Like when you see our creator busy looking for opportunities to let his light shine through us so completely so the world can feel his presence. I believe God created music for precisely this reason. It breaks down all barriers, it's sole purpose being to unite all of us.
I turned to face the row of lockers to avoid eye contact with two students passing by.
Outside the open doorway we could clearly hear Ian in the middle of singing Hey Jude. The students stopped in their tracks one asking the other, "Who is that, hey do you know him?" Watching this my happy tears turned to laughter thinking to myself, I can't wait to tell Ian about this!
Towards the end of his audition I started to get the feeling the teacher was making it a lengthy one so that he could continue to hear him sing. To make a long story short Ian got in the glee club.
The only problem now is he has to decide between either the glee club or the orchestra. The teacher told him to follow his heart.
OK God, it's me again...

If you have waited patiently to hear this story, thank you.

& too my loyal readers, if you have heard this story before, I apologize!
The funniest thing about this story is that I don't even think I laughed when I witnessed it. Yet, every time I either think about it or retell it, it makes me laugh and smile. So here goes.

Remember Joe's Pizza I told you about yesterday? Well, back in February when my son and I stopped there for lunch it was so crowded it was like standing in the subway during rush hour. Picture yourself balancing a hot slice on a flimsy paper plate in the middle of a 10' x 12' room along with maybe 25-30 other people wearing winter coats & scarves carrying computers & grocery bags & pushing strollers. The child next to us actually had her wooden scooter wedged underneath the small table we were standing by. Seeing us standing there a kind mom with her two children offered to share her table with us. Considering their table was a tiny one it was a generous offer, so we were a little reluctant to take advantage. Desperately smiling we put our plates on the table and tried to act like we weren't taking up too much room. Acting as if I wasn't really there, I absorbed myself in my delicious pizza when I heard the kind mom say in a very patient but firm voice, "If you lick the table one more time, I am going to put you in your stroller." I had to look up and see who this was being told too. There before me in all her cuteness sat an approximately one year old tiny person. I'm pretty sure she was a girl. As she perched on her stool with her small head barely above the table she locked eyes with her mothers making sure her mom could see exactly what she was about to do. Slowly but quite steadily, and I wouldn't say defiantly because there was a look of wonder in her eyes as if she were compelled-she slowly licked the side of the table. With that her mother calmly rose up from her seat and at the same instant the little girl let out a small cry as if suddenly realizing, yes she would have to bear the consequences and please, please mommy, don't you see I just had to lick the table! Then it was over, her mother placed her in her stroller and there wasn't a peep out of her. In fact she looked quite content. Her mother went back to eating her pizza & her older sister continued to engage my son in conversation telling him she was three and a half. Five minutes later the almost 4 year old fished her scooter out from under the table and they were gone.
This mother & her two children were the ones who strolled by the window while we were eating our pizza at Joe's the other day. Ian got to see that it was indeed them.

Sunny blue sky Sunday

What is it with boys & their climbing trees?

I love this trail because there are so many different parts to it that are interesting to look at.

Boys seem to like carrying sticks too.

I like moss in general but I especially love the way God put this moss in with these pretty white rocks. I recreated this nature scene in my garden at home.

These roots cutting across this path seem like steps made by mother nature to accommodate us humanoids.

A row of trees along this ridge serve as a canopy au naturale.

Every time I get to this part I feel like this is where the fairies live. These small trees are low & twisted to the ground. They are on either side of the trail almost like a fence type barrier- where the elves live too...

Peaceful, isn't it?

Part of the old farm.

The best remedy for those who are afraid, lonely or unhappy is to go outside, somewhere where they can be quiet, alone with the heavens, nature and God. Because only then does one feel that all is as it should be and that God wishes to see people happy, amidst the simple beauty of nature.-Anne Frank

The following quote is dedicated to anyone who dares to dream.

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too, can be great."

-Mark Twain

Samuel Langhorne Clemens
Mark Twain, photo portrait by Mathew Brady, 7th February 1871

Cick on Mark Twain's photo to find out more.


Please note I have added a free mammogram link on my sidebar. Every time you click on this site & click on the pink box in the middle you help raise funds to provide free mammograms for women who cannot afford them.

"I mean more to me than I mean to anybody else."

-Margaret Brown, AKA The Unsinkable Molly Brown. She survived the Titanic sinking & was also an actress, activist & philanthropist.
Every time I read this, it makes me laugh because it really should be true of everyone in a way. It makes me think of how wonderful the world would be if we all would truly and unconditionally love who we are right at this moment recognizing all the good that is inside us, all the good that God has given us & wants us to acknowledge- like Molly did.

So Sat. morning at 6AM after a mind bending Friday night performance by my son & his fellow actors performing "Once On This Island" I drove myself to my weight watchers meeting. I lost 1.4 pounds. Alleluia, Alleluia. Seriously, it is only by the grace of God that I am willing. Thank you God. The last few weeks in WW haven't been first & foremost in my mind as they were in... hmm...since January! I know I will succeed through these less triumphant times because I will not give up. I may linger in stagnation here & there but I guess that is to be expected. The main thing I feel is that I will continue to lose until I have lost it all-and that is a promise to myself because I am doing this for me. Like my favorite Father Todd would say, Amen I say to that.

Don't quit before the Miracle...

Every Saturday morning when I am getting ready to go to my weight watchers meeting I put on the same outfit, then I weigh myself. I do this to insure my scale is still working properly. There is nothing worse than losing weight and then finding out your scale is off by ten pounds-trust me, this happened to me once & it's a real downer!
This morning when I looked at the number on the scale I nearly fell over. I really felt like I had a good week-though my scale said otherwise. "Uhh what a drag, what a waste of time & money, why am I failing at this?" If I could write all the negative thoughts that went through my head this morning it would just be depressing so I will only share the main idea. If I gave up and didn't go to my meeting, what would happen? Yes I could go back to sleep for one thing, but then what? Recently when I told my life long friend & cousin how I had gained 2.8 pounds back she reminded me that if I quit weight watchers it would probably be a lot more than that. So this morning I dragged my sorry butt to the meeting feeling like, OK this sucks but I have to do it because what's the alternative?
An amazing thing happened when I got to my meeting & stepped on their scale-I actually didn't gain any weight! I know-it's not exactly a miracle but it is still very wonderful and I guess that means my scale is broken.

"Miracles are a retelling in small letters of the very same story which is written across the whole world in letters too large for some of us to see ." -C.S.Lewis

"It takes a long time to grow young."-Picasso

I just can't seem to move as quick as I need to get all that I want to get done before winter is over & then I'll never finish the inside house projects until next winter sometime & that will not be a good thing...

Oh woe is me, we all should have such problems. So I leave you with these gifts I received on my birthday I celebrated almost a month ago. I woke up on my day of days thinking hmm...if I could do anything I wanted today on my birthday, what would it be? Then I thought of all the days last Fall I had wanted to take some cloud photographs & never did. So I made sure I had my camera with me the entire day & I felt like my wish was granted.


Wala...

Sunrise

There is always one...

God is on the expressway.
To be continued...

I am most happiest when I am doing my best.

"Striving for perfection is the greatest stopper there is.… It's your excuse to yourself for not doing anything. Instead, strive for excellence, doing your best."
– Sir Laurence Olivier

When I was younger I had a bad habit of perfectionism. Now I welcome imperfections. Not that I don't want to do things right. It's just that I have found I do not have the time to be perfect. I can't begin to tell you how happy that makes me feel to realize that this is true for me.

I don't know how I got on this mailing list, but every day I receive a daily inspiration when I open my email. Upon reading Sir Laurence, I had an "aha" moment realizing I am most happiest when I am doing my best.
The funny thing is I may not even like what I am doing. It could be the most mundane chore. It also doesn't seem to matter if I am succeeding or not. It just feels like there is a special energy that seems to make everything brighter when I am engaged in what I am doing, when I am spiritually, consciously, mindfully living. It could be walking my dog Priscilla or trying to finish a quick run before Ian's bus gets home, it could be cooking dinner, or taking photographs.

A Complaint Free World

Has anyone ever heard of this movement? In the summer of 2006 Rev. Will Bowen spoke about the negative effects of complaining & suggested that his congregation wear a purple bracelet for 21 days. The idea is to challenge yourself to make a true change of attitude. Bowen explains on his website that scientists say it takes 21 days to break a habit & he believes if you commit to this, you will see a marked change in your attitude while achieving greater serenity. The bracelet serves as a reminder so that if you find yourself about to complain you can stop yourself before you do so while at the same time switching the bracelet to your other wrist.
When I first heard about this I thought about how I am not much of a complainer then I realized something that in retrospect is so obvious-I complain about myself too myself. Although I have grown tremendously in this area of my life, when I thought about this idea I found that for me it would be a great act of self love if I tried to break this habit for 21 days. Besides I am sure I will find that I complain in other ways I am not even aware of simply out of habit.
You can order bracelets on Bowen's website. They are free, you only have to pay a nominal shipping fee.
So if you would like to do your part in spreading world peace, feel more serene, & begin to examine all that is good in your life I encourage you to check this out for yourself. I found the Lives Changed testimonials on Will Bowen's homepage inspiring. You may click here if you'd like to check out Bowen's site.

"If you don't like something change it.
If you can't change it change your attitude; Don't complain."
-Maya Angelou

The Gift of Fear

Thanks Mom!

When my mom gave me the book , The Gift of Fear, I really didn't want to read it. Not percieving fear as a gift but as a hinderance to living life fully, I thought, why would I want to read a book entitled as such?

As I began to read, I soon realized this book is so not about what my initial perception was. This book is one of the most enlightening & empowering books a woman can read-or a man for that matter. I urge each & every person to RUN to your nearest book provider & get a copy of this book & begin to read it immediately.

The authors name is Gavin De Becker who was recently featured on Oprah. Mr De Becker has done pioneering work in violence prevention. Much of his work is centered around intuition- which to me makes it all the more interesting. Since I do believe we all posess the power of intuition I find myself wondering why most of us rarely use it. After starting this book I think the simple answer is we just don't know how. I for one never considered myself a good people "reader". In fact I can recall saying many a time that I am not good at "reading" people. I am not even halfway through this book & I can tell you, I will never doubt my feelings of fear or my perceptions of other people again. Gavin De Becker sites numerous examples of how people know so much more than they give themselves credit for when it comes to other peoples behaviour only to convince themselves otherwise thereby putting themselves in harms way. Gavin teaches us through true stories, techniques we can use to empower & protect ourselves & our families.
I am finding it a gripping read, & it's out in paperback, so get your copy today!

"People should learn to see and so avoid all danger. Just as a wise man keeps away from mad dogs, so one should not make friends with evil men."-Buddha

"If music be the food of love, play on; Give me excess of it,..."-Shakespeare

So for the past three nights 700 children chosen from all over Nassau County assembled together to rehearse for tonight's concert at The Tilles Center.The program includes a band, a chorus, a jazz band, and an orchestra. Every child had to rehearse after school from 4PM to 8PM for three consecutive nights.
The first night I dropped my son off I watched him play in an orchestra for the first time. Most of this large group of children never met, much less played together before & they already sounded good. Last night I arrived early hoping to get a glimpse of how far they progressed. One word-Amazing! The lump that formed in my throat was quite big, the tears of happiness had to be kept at bay. They sounded so beautiful. The guest conductor was very enthusiastic with them. He was completely into it all. What is it about music that just makes you feel so uplifted?
When the kids were finished rehearsing, the conductor told them it was an honor to be there with them. Then he went around to all the children telling them "Good job, good job.

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year."-Charles Dickens

The decorations are all nearly down & I find myself missing Christmas.
Luckily the Catholic Church doesn't start celebrating till after Jesus is born so we still had the pleasure of singing Christmas Carols last Sunday. Singing is my favorite part of mass. I have a deep voice & don't really sing all that well- but I always stand next to my son who sings like an angel & instinctively knows how to compensate for how I sound. He makes me feel like I'm in a choir. I feel a tremendous amount of PEACE when I listen to his beautiful voice as I sing along beside him.

The Epiphany of the Lord

"If we open our hearts to God's grace we become the modern stars to lead those to Bethlehem..."

This is part of what was said yesterday in the homily at church. Have you ever heard the true story about the guy who played the guitar with his feet because he had no arms? His name is Tony Melendez. Pope John Paul was so inspired by his playing, he walked over to him & kissed him on his face. He called him the gift of hope.

Check out the video of him. If you listen to his beautiful song, afterwards you get to see the Pope & Tony & how moved Tony was when he was kissed by the Pope, our modern day Holy man.

Wow...how can I be a modern star? I am sure there is something I can do.

Letting Go

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference.

That last line is the hardest for me. I mean sometimes it is so obvious what I can control & what I can't. Yet I guess the most important thing is the first line. If I have serenity it is easier to accept things. Then what about the courage? I heard someone say once that courage is about being afraid of doing something scary but doing it anyway.
Shortly after saying this prayer this morning-I try to remember to pray this every morning no matter how I feel-something told me (I seriously think it was my angel whispering in my ear again) to go and read the daily page in The Language of Letting Go. What a great page for me to read today- thank you my dear angel.
Here is part of it;

In recovery, we learn that self-care leads us on the path to God's will and plan for our life. Self-care never leads away from our highest good; it leads toward it.
Learn to nurture that voice inside. We can trust ourselves. We can take care of ourselves. We are wiser than we think. Our guide is within, ever-present. Listen to, trust, and nurture that guide.

Today I will affirm that I am a gift to myself and the Universe. I will remember that nurturing self-care delivers that gift in its highest form.

Thank you too Melody Beattie.

A Word

Last year before the new year started I was reading a blog about picking a word to use as a daily symbol or as a mantra for the new year. I picked the word strength. I thought about having a strong mind, a strong body, a strong spiritual life. The idea of picking a word to keep in mind appealed to me. I thought I could use it as a touchstone. I remember the blog suggesting you pick a word with qualities that are appealing to you- the idea was that whatever you focus your energies on is usually what you bring into your life. I have consciously thought about this type of thinking in many different areas of my life over the years. I've noticed when I am filling my mind up with the trivial, I tend to have a trivial existence. If I look for inspiration in everything & everyone around me I experience serenity.

I wish I could say how I decided on the word strength-I wish I wrote about it at the time. When I think of the events that transpired in my life last year I can't help but feel that I was divinely inspired. Do you know the part in the bible where it says, "Ask & you shall receive..."? Looking back I believe God sent me an angel that whispered in my ear the exact word I needed in my life to help me through every part of all that took place. I don't believe I picked the word myself. How could I possibly know the very thing I would need?

I thought about my "word" everyday. Most days I felt like I didn't have any strength. That was OK though because that was the first step in finding out how I could get it. With absolute certainty I know I never found strength alone either. I often found the strength I needed by reaching out & asking for help. More often than not the simple act of asking God, "Please take this away from me." was all I needed to do. Sometimes I had to do that a few times an hour-but it always helped.

Mostly though, I started to realize it was important to ask those around me for help in getting the strength I needed. I found that people respond generously when you ask them to share of themselves. I also began to realize that if they didn't help me find my strength it was because for whatever reason, they couldn't & that only meant that I needed to find another source, & I always did. Sometimes it was another person, a nice long run, a beautiful stormy sky or a moving song. Looking back again I feel that if I didn't have the word strength as my touchstone I'm not sure I would know that was what I needed much less begin to think about how to find it.

I feel stronger for picking the word strength. I am grateful for the strength I was given so freely by everyone & everything around me. Thank you God.

This year I choose PEACE.

A Hatred For Tulips

While perusing the new book section in my town's library, I came across a most intriguing title, A Hatred For Tulips. Who could possibly hate tulips I thought. I love tulips-there has to be a good reason why someone would hate them. Then again, who could hate a young girl named Anne Frank? After reading this book I found it isn't about hatred as much as it is about what happened in wartime Amsterdam.
The book is a quick 182 pages & written by Richard Lourie, a writer & well known expert translator. If you are at all interested in this subject, I encourage you to read this fictional account of who betrayed Anne Frank & her family & why.
When I finished reading this book I felt very grateful to be alive at this time in this country. Stories like this prove to me that despite our current circumstances in the world, it is up to each & every person to create peace in whatever way we can.

"Every act of love is a work of peace, no matter how small." -Mother Teresa

Person of the Week Randy Pausch

"It is not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves."

-written by the great William Shakespeare

As I was driving my son to Manhattan yesterday I started thinking that everything was in order, he had everything he needed, he ate, he was feeling OK, we were on time, I started to reflect on what was about to happen. I turned to look at him asking him a question when I realized in our rush to be ready, I hadn't noticed how he had changed-he was now suddenly so different. What happened to my son? Who was this young man sitting in the back seat? It made me think of the time my sister-in-law came to visit & she referred to him as beautiful boy. I was so touched by her affection much in the same way I was touched by his presence now sitting in the back seat with his suit jacket on, his red bow tie, his green scarf & dapper hat. It was almost startling seeing him- as if for the first time in this way. It felt like a perfect awareness of a moment in time.

When I got to the toll booth I blurted out to the attendant, "My son is playing his violin at Carnegie Hall." As I waited for my change, staring at the smiling man & feeling very choked up, he looked at me & said, "You must be very proud." "I am." I responded feeling as if I would cry if I continued to speak.
Then with a kind voice he told me to watch the road because it's very slippery out today.

I remember when my son was 5 years old my childhood friend suggested I take him to Suzuki lessons for the violin. My son loved his teacher from the moment she started teaching him & now her son teaches him to play the violin.

When we got to the parking garage near Carnegie Hall my son warned me not to tell the parking attendant that he was playing his violin at Carnegie Hall.
I wish I could describe to you exactly how I felt dropping him off & then coming back later to see him perform. Mostly it was disbelief like, "How did this happen?, Am I really where I think I am? Then it was awe as I watched him play with his fellow musicians from my seat along with an entire Carnegie Hall filled with people. When they finished their two Tangos, the crowd went wild. As he left the stage, my son flashed the peace sign-he later told us that was for us, his family.