Saturday, August 30, 2008

Saturday report

So this morning I lost .8 pounds! Yeah for me. Don't mean to sound obnoxious but I am really surprised. I only kept my food journal for 4 days out of this last week so I didn't feel like I had much clarity about what food I was eating. I was exercising most every day and I wasn't eating after dinner...well except for one night I had some birthday cake (a normal size piece), oh yeah and one other night I had a weight watchers ice cream sandwich. They are only two points, or in normal speak, 120 calories so that wasn't too bad. Oh yeah and one night I had one of those creme centered caramels. There is a whole bag of them in the cookie jar. I thought they would be good to have around for that little sweet one needs after dinner at night. I thought it would be better than a bowl of ice cream.
In ten weeks I have to see my DR for a check up. I would love to be able to finish my weight loss by then. I am figuring that I have to lose 15-20 more pounds. My weight hasn't been this low in a few years so it is hard to say how much is the right amount. Health wise I am just making it inside the healthy BMI range. My Dr thinks I just need to lose 10 more pounds. I am thinking of losing 15 so that I can have 5 pounds leeway to keep me in check. I don't ever want to feel overweight again. It's a crappy feeling mainly because I know deep down inside, on some level I am not loving or valuing myself enough to take care of myself. It's not as if I am walking around with a blanket of shame over me while I am losing weight. It's just that I have noticed on the days that I take positive steps towards self caring habits I feel empowered. It could be sticking to my WW program or making sure I exercise or just making sure I get enough sleep. I should also add how much easier it is to eat less when I am not tired. I am notorious for not getting enough sleep but I am realizing that just sets me up for food cravings as I try and find the energy I need to get through my day.
Also, if I lose the weight within 10 weeks that means I can start my 6 week maintenance program on Weight Watchers and become a lifetime member before the end of the year. Should I go for it? Does anyone think I can do it?
I figure I may as well try, what have I got to lose except weight, right? Har-Har.
this is a picture that inspires me to continue to lose weight. I find it is important to find inspiration to help me stay motivated.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

surrounded by love...

my little 18 month old grand niece. I haven't seen her since last Thanksgiving so it was extra special seeing her again. She is wearing the fur trimmed butterfly wings and crown we brought for her. She was so cooperative as she patiently modeled them for us while we stood around her admiring her greatly. To the right of her is my other beautiful niece who did everything in her power to entertain her little cousin.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

still excited about losing weight...

though you would never know it since I haven't written about my weight loss journey in ages! So here is the update. Yesterday was a bit of a disappointment since I went to my Weight Watchers meeting fully expecting to be the same weight as I was the week before. I was convinced I didn't lose weight, but thought I hadn't gained either. Surprise- I gained 2.6 pounds which really kind of stinks because two weeks prior, I had just lost 3.2 pounds over a two week period of time. Argghhh! ! ! I'd say easy come easy go, but losing weight is not easy. So what am I learning? I'm learning that I lost those 3.2 pounds because I was recently under a bit of stress. So much so that I lost my appetite which made it quite easy to lose weight. Everything is completely fine now as is evident by this weeks weight gain. It's not that I didn't eat when I was under the recent stresses either. In fact I made sure that I ate very well. I just didn't eat anything more than what I absolutely had too, which was easy. I was literally forcing myself to eat. It lasted for a full seven days. I actually lost more than 3.2 pounds but like any quick weight loss, the minute I began to eat relatively normal I gained weight immediately.
The other side of this is the fact that in reality everything is not fine. Yes the stress of what just happened is gone but I just gained weight and that means I am moving in the opposite direction of where I want to be right now. So I have to look at that.
My WW leader said some interesting things at yesterdays meeting. She said most people underestimate how much they eat and overestimate how much they move. She also said that nobody follows this program 100% but if you follow it 75% you will still be successful. She also said that lots of people follow it 25-50% which made me pause to think about my own percentages. I started this program last November 10. So far I have lost 12 pounds. It has taken me nine months. I can't really say I'm displeased with that. I'm 12 pounds lighter, how could I possibly be unhappy about that? If I were to try and carry 12 pounds of anything around for more than half an hour, I am sure I would be very uncomfortable. With that said, my life has improved considerably due too my recent weight loss. That sure beats my being dissatisfied with what I've done. A bad attitude just doesn't help me. Besides, that is what I had towards the end of my last stint at WW and that type of thinking just made me gain the weight back that I had lost.
I remember not too long ago talking with my DR about losing weight and he suggested I try and lose a pound a month. I thought that was crazy. Who would want to lose a mere pound a month? That is too slow, boring, unproductive I rationalized in my mind as I sat there politely humoring him. Now I'm thinking maybe that will actually work, at least for me anyway. Dismissing it at the time as being way to low of a goal, I didn't think that maybe he was factoring in all the ups and downs along the way- figuring anyone could average a pound a month.
More next time...

Sunday, August 10, 2008

It's all about the music...

Thick as a Brick is one of my favorite albums of all time and when I heard Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull sing it last night at the Jones Beach Theatre, he surely did not disappoint. Ian is an amazing musician and poet who loves to entertain his audience. My husband and I have been listening to him since we were teenagers so we were especially excited to be able to share this musical experience with our son Ian, who incidentally is not named after Mr. Anderson, at least not consciously. The memory always makes me laugh when I think of when our son was born and named everyone who knew us asked us if that was indeed what we had decided to do. Incredulous smiles crossed their faces with the question begging to be asked, "hey did you guys name him after Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull?"
So last night the joke was, when we meet him we'll say, "Ian Anderson, we would like you to meet our son Ian, and no, he's not named after you, but we do like your music very much sir."

Please click on both photos (courtesy of my son, Ian) to enlarge for greater details.

Ian Anderson holding his flute while waving to the audience.A better view of the stage and audience.

"...Spin me back down the years and the days of my youth.
Draw the lace and black curtains and shut out the whole truth.
Spin me down the long ages: let them sing the song."

excerpt of Thick as a Brick, by Ian Anderson

Monday, August 4, 2008

Does anyone know anything about tarot cards?

I was reading over at Lydia's writerquake and decided to take the test to see what card I would be. I found my result to be interesting to say the least.
If you really don't find this stuff at least amusing, you may find what Lydia wrote about her taking the test, very good I think.

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You? Take the Test to Find Out.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

It's all about the caffeine...

Imagine someone told you that you could no longer have something you love. Imagine it is something you look forward too everyday that gives you great pleasure.
For me there is nothing like my morning cup of coffee. I love the smell of it, I love the taste of it and I love how it wakes me up, jump starting my day. I love how I can either go out the door & have it expertly made for me or that I could brew my own cup at home. I love how I can put it into my pretty mug and sit it beside me as I write, while simultaneously sensing its wonderful aroma, as I wait for my next sip.
If I think of the health benefits of not having coffee, there are lots of them. Depending on how you like it, coffee is basically empty calories that, like one of my old bosses would say, " the water out of your cells." I could be wrong, but I believe he was referring to its dehydration qualities. Also, there are many other beverages that I could be consuming that will actually benefit my body without becoming addicted to it. Unfortunately this is not about finding a replacement for my morning cup of Joe, this is about mourning the loss of it. Sometimes there is just no way around it other than just going through it.
So before you judge me thinking, Is she kidding me? Now she's mourning her coffee? Please, I have mourned greater losses and yes this coffee abstinence is due to a serious though resolved health issue that is just too recent to write about. So maybe this is how I am coping with it all. Maybe this is merely a side effect of greater things that we all must face at one time or another. I don't really know.
Whatever it is, I found out yesterday my doctor confirmed that yes, I can no longer drink coffee. It's not just the coffee either, it's anything with caffeine in it. Actually though she did say I could have caffeine, but it can only be 1 mg. This morning I did a quick search and as far as I can tell there is no decaff coffee that has just 1 mg.
What irks me is that it wasn't like I abused caffeine either. I only had one cup a day! Yes, I had a very large cup, but I made sure it was 2/3rds decaff and one third regular. Maybe once a week I would have a second cup of coffee in the afternoon and that would be either entirely decaff or 1/3rd regular with 2/3rds decaff.
When I was younger I used to drink a lot more coffee, but I realized after a time that I was doing so more out of habit than enjoyment. I also became concerned that my body wasn't getting enough healthy liquids to sustain it so I started drinking decaffeinated green tea and lemon water and pomegranate juice, all of which I like very much as well.
When my cardiologist told me 2 cups of decaffeinated Starbucks is equivalent to one cup of regular coffee I quickly realized I was consuming almost 2 cups a day. Unless it says caffeine free, it has caffeine in it!
Had I just had all decaff that would have been sufficient. This little factoid isn't just exclusive to Starbucks either, that just happens to be my beloved brand.
When I was telling my mother-in-law this, she said, "I never trusted that decaff, that's why I never have it at night after dinner, I want to be able to sleep."

It has been 9 days 4 hours and 53 minutes since my last cup of coffee. I wish I had known it was going to be my last cup when I was having it. Maybe I would have appreciated it more, remembered it more. I doubt it though, it would have been just like all the other cups...loved and savored.
This morning I was trying to distract my son with my tale of woe. He woke up with a backache from sleeping in bad position. As I explained how much I missed my morning coffee, he said, "You really enjoyed a good cup of coffee Mom, didn't you?" His words were like magic to my ears. It was all I needed to hear. Isn't it weird when someone validates your feelings? Somehow it made me feel better inspiring me to let go and move forward even if just a little bit. I may not be entirely there yet...but at the least, I feel like I'm on my way.
Go here for a list of caffeine amounts in popular drinks.

Friday, August 1, 2008

priscilla hiding

She looks like a big hairy mess here! She was actually burying her face so that I couldn't get her picture. She was resting peacefully when she saw the camera and just wouldn't have me taking photos of her. Priscilla can be very obstinate. You can see how silky and shiny her hair is too.
I know this isn't the most interesting thing to write about but I have been in a bit of upheaval here so maybe this will at least make you laugh!