Saturday, September 12, 2009

I gained 3 pounds last week!

oh well...
I didn't want to go to my Weight Watchers meeting this morning but I knew I had to because I didn't go last Saturday, I wasn't feeling well. And though I am not feeling so hot today, (I still have a cold) I knew if I skipped another week of getting weighed it could prove to be disastrous.
As I drove to my meeting I kept thinking I should just quit Weight Watchers. I thought maybe then I could relax, the weight will just drop off and things will just magically fall into place.
It's so weird how I seem to go through this reasoning every now and then, or should I say "magical" thinking? It must be a form of denial.
I mean, why don't I just stick to my program and lose the frigging weight already???
Pondering this, I looked back at the last time I was relatively successful at keeping my weight down. It was last winter, January of 2009. I was 6 pounds lighter. Ever since than I have been losing weight or gaining it back in two or three pound increments.
What does it take to be successful, to lose weight and keep it off?
This morning, Eileen, my Weight Watchers leader told my group, "Quitting is not an option".
Funny how that was exactly what I was thinking of doing this morning and that was one of the first things I heard her say not to do. She also said, and I am paraphrasing here, everyone cares about how they look, and when we take care of ourselves that is when we feel good about ourselves. We stand up straighter, we feel more confident, and we don't let people use us as a door mat. Then she said, "I demand to be treated well". Which made me think, why don't I demand that of myself? Why don't I treat myself well by putting my focus on achieving this one goal that I know will make me feel good about myself?
Every time I have succeeded in sticking to my program, my self esteem has gone up immeasurably and the cool thing is that self esteem naturally overlaps into other areas of my life.
I remember thinking when I lost the first fifteen pounds, if I feel this good now, how will I feel when I achieve my ultimate goal? Perhaps I am just scared to move out of my comfort zone?
I think it might be time for me to do some fire walking. In other words, I need to move out of my complacency or fear or whatever, and commit to taking the actions I need to take.
I need to do this because I really want to lose 18 pounds by November 12th.And I can't be afraid to say that just because I am afraid I won't be able to do it.
So, thanks Eileen, for saying the things I needed to hear.

this was the view from the breakfast room at Borgo Argenina, the place we stayed in Tuscany. I can still hear the birds singing.


Anonymous said...

Holy cow this is exactly the conversation I had with the nutrition /counselor on Wednesday - no one would let me quit - she said I had to come back Friday morning. I came back had lost a pound and was hanging on by a thread of hope to the fact I could, as you say, do some fire walking. Everything you say here is so what I am going through - weird isn't it? Oh I guess not so much. I love you Di! Thanks for continuing to document your weight loss journey it is a comfort to be going through things at the same time as you!


MmeBenaut said...

Lily dear, don't despair; you are not alone. I keep expecting the scales to go down only to find the same thing, up by a few pounds. I can only blame it on the chocolate that I ate while I was on holiday!
Tuscany looks very pretty and that sunshine so inviting.

nowriter said...

Amen, sister. I just signed up for a triathlon, the last one of the inspire me to get off my butt. I'm off to run around the lake now. Ciao, baby!