Day 4...

& I am feeling good. How could this be? It is so weird, but so good. I think starting running may have something to do with it. I started running 6 weeks ago hoping to get some of those endorphins I would hear about every so often. Wondering if it would work one day while at the brink of a mental meltdown I thought I would give it a try. I couldn't believe the results. First I thought I would run to the bank. It was very hard. The entire time I felt like I was running up a hill. My body felt so heavy & I could feel my flab shake up & down. I felt really uncomfortable. That took eight minutes. After waiting at the bank for 5 minutes I wondered if I could continue to run. Thinking of those endorphins & knowing I needed at least another 12 minutes for them to kick in, I knew I had to at least try. As I ran again I just kept thinking, let me try to get to that next corner and when I got there I felt so good about achieving that goal, it compelled me to run to the next corner & then the next until I completed another 12 minutes. It must have been my running angels because I hated running. Everyone talks about how it really isn't good for you & how it'll ruin your knees. Personally I know I may suffer some consequences, but the feeling of mental well being I experienced for the rest of the day after I completed my little challenge was worth it. Not only did I definitely feel some sense of inner balance, I felt really good about achieving something that I wasn't sure I could do.

I asked my friend how I should continue. She just completed her 16th NYC Marathon (& her knees look fine). After much encouragement & congratulating me on my taking up what she refers to as a dificult sport, she advised me to run for 25 minutes at least 3 days a week for 3 weeks & then gradually increase my time by 5 minutes every 3 weeks. She told me not to concentrate on distance right now, just run the allotted time. She says this way I will avoid injury as my body gets used to it. She also said that if I am running & suddenly feel I can't do it & I need to walk, I shouldn't get down on myself, I should just take comfort in the fact that I am listening to my body. My other friend who has been running as long as I can remember told me so much of it is mental. She said the first mile is always her hardest,but once she gets past that she knows she can go as far as she wants. What sage advice from the two of them. As I continued to run over the next few weeks their words kept coming to my mind making me feel like I wasn't alone & that I could do this.

I think running has given me some of my confidence back therefore giving me the courage to believe I can actually lose weight if I want to. & now for some reason which I probably will only ever figure out in hindsight, I really do want to lose weight.