I added running to my exercise regime. It was a desperate attempt on my part to try and change my mood. I woke up that day with a dark cloud hanging over me and I wanted it gone. I always heard about the endorphin high people claimed to experience but I just didn't think it was worth all that jarring of the bones. Besides, I enjoyed biking, hiking and almost daily hour long walks. I didn't feel the need to run.
The dark cloud morning came after a reprieve of not having one for awhile. I haven't written about this in a long time but the fact remains that I lost my dear brother-in-law Paul one year and nine months ago. It was such a complete shock. He died suddenly of a massive heart attack. That afternoon he was playing ice-hockey. He was only 43.
So there was a sea of grief that enveloped us all and still does to some extent. I found that losing a family member changed everything. Life as we knew it would never be the same.We all had to find a new way to navigate our days. I am writing we because as a family we are inextricably linked. When Paul died, we all felt it like a painful ripple effect.
So here I am having run 259.5 miles passed that dark cloud morning. I miss my brother-in-law Paul. I think of him everyday. I know he is with us though, watching over all of us. Sometimes I feel his presence when I am running. It feels like he's right behind me, rooting me on.